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Jennifer, thank you for what you said, everyone else too. It helps me the most to hear from adopted people who understand and love their bp for what they did. My greatest fear is to be approached by my daughter one day after all the pain I go through and have her say she hates me for giving her up.

Lindsay, only because you sound as though you really don't want to give your child up for adoption, I'm curious if you've spoken with anybody that could help you keep your child and help you financially? Relatives? Friends? A church? Even welfare (I was there, when my ex-husband left me years ago, and I was a single parent with four children). If the thought of adoption is tearing you apart, I think these things are worth checking out (in the event you haven't yet). Besides, your financial situation could change for the better a little ways down the line, and it would be awful to have you feel even worse wishing you'd kept your child. Grant you, adoption does help someone else enjoy parenthood, but if you're having a torturous time with it now, it sounds like it would be worth checking out other ways to keep your child. By the way, ignore the rude comments. It sounds like the other posters are right on the money about these women and their methods of coping with grief, but even so, not every infertile woman handles her grief in the same manner. Just chalk it up to "misery loves company". Even when people have had children and see you pregnant, they can still utter rude and stupid comments, believe me. Some people just think it's their business to run other people's lives and/or spread negativity...whether it's about pregnancy or not. Sounds like they're having a tough enough time with their own lives, so try not to let their comments get to you, even though it's sometimes easier said than done.

Hi There, I'm currently pregnant, after 2 years of infertility and medications. I also happened to be a reunited adoptee. To top if off, I am a social worker for a Canadian Child Welfare Agency (and on occa__sion a__sist with placing children into adoptive homes). I think its horrible that someone would be angry towards you because you can have kids, and they can't! I was mad too once, but never spoke out my anger! I think adoption is amazing, and has given me the best experiences in life! I have no resentment towards my birth parents (whom I have already met), or my adoptive parents, or siblings. I feel i really got the best of both worlds! The best part about being pregnant is the sense of knowing the baby might look a bit like me, so it won't be such a rare experience to actually see family features that look like mine! I'm totally open to discussing infertility, adoption and reunion. I'm open about pregnancy and since I"m a social worker, I'm open to helping answer any questions you may have! Good luck -- i'm bookmarking this page, so i'll check in occa__sionaly to see how you're doing!

I have been TTC (unsuccessfully) for 2 years now, and I would NEVER EVER be rude, nasty or bitter toward anyone who has become pregnant. The fact you are giving your child up for adoption shows that you have a wonderful spirit and soul. DO NOT LET anyone bring you down. There are times that I get upset and depressed because it has not happened for me, But it is reading this forum, it is even being in the 2nd trimester website when I am not even pregnant (YET), reading the posts and reading about wonderful people like you Lindsay, reinforce the fact that one day I will do it when the time is right. Bringing a new life into this world is a Miracle, it is only the saddest/meanest of people who can put a negative twist on a miracle, and you are MUCH MUCH better than those people. Good luck to you Lindsay… hugs Niki – Aust.

It is a very disheartening reality that infertile women (because I bearly see this from men) are so deep into their despair that they attack pregnant women. I too have endured the "attacks" and "inappropriate comments" regarding my pregnancy. What was the most hurtful for me was when I informed my infertile friend of the pregnancy and she immediately shut me down. She became very antagonistic, rude and down-right evil. It wasn't as if I expected her to host my baby shower or anything, but I didn't expect the claws to come out like they did. She even mentioned how "irresponsible" I was for getting pregnant before my fiance and I were married; and getting "knocked up" on vacation because I missed some of my pills. I have also read some of the infertility websites and they are downright scary. Many talk about how "unfit women" are getting pregnant without trying, and "they" are cursed. Give me a effing break. I'm so glad you posted this. Bottom line, it's not my fault that some women can't get pregnant; nor is it fair that I have to be subjected to such treatment!--Kudos for standing up for us!

i just wanted to say YEAH!!! to you! as an adopted child its so good to hear that us little "unwanted" babies are really still wanted after all!!!!!

Lindsay - I was adopted from foster care with my twin when I was two becuase my biological mother posponed the decision to put us up for adoption, the first two years of our lives were a nightmare and had she made the decision you are making when she was pregnant it could have all been avoided. I aplaud your decision to place your daughter in the loving family you have chosen, I am one of four adopted children from my parents who were infertile and I am now pregnant with their first grandshild, none of which would have been possible without the original adoption. You shoul dbe proud of yourself for turning something unplanned into such a blessing for the family you have chosen for your baby. I am sorry you have to go through the heartache of giving your baby up and cant imagine the pain you must be experienceing but please be proud of yourself, you have nothing to be ashamed of!

Let me first say that I don't want to be attacked for what I'm going to write...but I want to bring the other side into the conversation. I have had those feelings of anger and jealousy at women who have gotten pregnant easily (1-2 tries) or without trying at all. While I would never say anything nasty or rude, my feelings were only natural. Many women i have talked with under "problems getting pregnant" and the "miscarraige" forum feel the same way. Trust me, we don't want to feel this way but we can't control it. I'm sorry people have been rude-that is inexcusable. But, having suffered a miscarraige myself, I can emphathize with how those women are feeling. I also have a friend who is infertile and I do watch what I say around her and understand if she won't come to my baby shower.

I'm from the other side too. I was ttc for 5 years before finally getting pregnant. And yeah, I did wonder why it was so easy for some women to get pg when they really weren't planning to. But, what made me even more mad was when girls who obviously weren't ready for a baby planned on keeping it, and possibly ruining 2 lives. Lindsay, I think what you are doing is wonderful! The fact that you want a better life for your baby speaks volumes. And I agree with the pster who said they don't realise that it's girls like you who make the adoption process possible for them. Good luck hun!

Katelyn: I know lots of women feel anger, I feel hatred towards innocent people for stupid reasons sometimes, I think everyone does. The line gets drawn when they open their mouths and try to hurt me. That is unacceptable, and is totally controllable unlike thoughts. I understand hurt and pain, and I can make way for people in it such as your friend who might not come to your shower-totally understandable. Malicy I never make excuses for, that would be no different than my walking up to said infertile woman and cussing her out calling her worthless and other nasty things for not being as scared and pregnant as I am. There is always another side of the story, people need to understand that. I understand there are many women hurting to become pregnant - but I also realize there are young girls who get pregnant and its the opposite for them, its horrible and they envy people who are not in their situation. I'm dealing with mountains of c___p right now I don't need to deal with abuse from some random nasty person I didn't provoke in any way. What does she want me to hide in my house for 9 months so she doesn't have to see me? I just get very aggravated with people who are so selfcentered they think the only world that exists is their own and act on it by hurting other people. This is probably the nastiest most uncalled for invasive attack I've experienced in my life, and what for? Because my birth control didn't work. Ridiculous.

Some people are just tired of irresponsible women getting pregnant, and demanding that wealthy couples adopt their child. Not everyone wants to adopt. Most people want to have their own biological child. That's hurtful, but true. Don't paint all infertiles with the same broad brush. Not everyone is bitter and angry because you are pregnant, and they aren't.