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Please check out the procedure for taking that pill. It takes several days for the abortion to actually happen. I know it is less invasive, but they give you the pill and then you are sent home to basically wait it out. I don't think I could handle that. There are a few other options, though also not pleasant, they are over that day, and you have until about 14 weeks to make a decision. Do not let him make the decision for you. You do not need him. If you want this baby, then it is yours to have. Please, please, don't let him determine what YOU should do. That is exactly what he wants. He wants to make you miserable so you give in. Don't give HIM that power. He is playing on your emotions. That is cruel, and he is much less of a man for doing it. Even if you don't have this baby, your relationship with him is permanently damaged. How could you ever go back to him after how he has treated you and your child? As for me, I am more like 60/40 in my decision.. Sometimes I feel stronger than others. What a difference a day makes is right. My ex and I lived together, were looking at houses with a realtor, looking at rings, the whole thing. and now to end up here. It is really hard. but please remember, you are better than how he is treating you. You would never treat him this way. Don't accept it. I put up with it for too long. This morning I have been busy gathering information about child support, paternity testing (Because he is demeaning me by sayingit is not his), public a__sistance. Finding things out on my own makes me feel better. And I think that will help me make my decision.

I actually had the RU486 pill before. I went into the doctor's office on a Friday (or was it Thursday?) and had the exam, counceling, etc. They give you 1 pill that day, the first part, but you don't have any noticeable reaction to that. It is the next morning that you, if I remember correctly, take another round of pills and then insert a suppository (to help flush it out). You go into what I considered "labor" within 2 hours or so. It was painful, emotionally and physically draining, and lasted for about 2 hours until a large blod clot pa__sed. I bled for about one week after. It was a surreal experience... horrible... I was only about 4 or 5 weeks along. I was slightly depressed, but totally okay with my decision.. as I said, I am pro-choice. Although I am still pro-choice, I just don't know that abortion is applicable to my life right now. So yes, my relationship with him, no matter what I choose to do about the baby, is OVER. I could never go back to someone who thinks so little of me and our relationship. He has really proven his true colors. You know, if he didn't exist, this would be a much easier decision. I think you are right... he is affecting my decision way too much. He is what is holding me back. But what if he does kill himself? I would have that on my conscience. OMG! I saved his text messages.... hopefully they will help me see clearly. He said: "Its ironic that you think I'm being selfish. You could care less about my situation" and "Thanks for ruining my life and driving me completely insane... you are a selfish loser. If you adopt, at least you don't destroy my life too" and last but not least " It's a fifty fifty decision...but apparently you don't care. I want to die"

OMG. He is the one who is being selfish. You did not ask for this to happen. Unfortunately it is your body and you are the only one who can know what is right for you. He is not going to kill himself. And if he does, he has far bigger problems than you being pregnant. My ex said the same thing. It's been two weeks and he's still alive. At this point I would buy him the bullett. Sorry, I shouldn't say that. It's a little sick humor, and it makes me feel better... He does not have to have anything to do with this baby. That is his choice, and he will have to live with it. Even so, he will still be required to pay child support to you~whether he has contact or not. That is the law. You are not selfish and you are not a loser. He is totally trying to sway your decision. He is using the fact that you have such strong feelings for him against you. They are very manipulative like that. Keep away from him. Block his calls and texts if you have to. I had too, it was the hardest thing I have ever done, because it is so hard to shut off your feelings for him. Luckily I have my family and friends to keep reminding me of all the horrible things he has been saying. Please talk to your family and friends. They will be so supportive of you and right now that is what you need, whatever your decision may be.

Lily Faith, you don't know how much your words mean to me. Here is my plan - I am going to talk to my friend Tom on the phone tonight & tell him everything (a close friend since I was 15, he has a 5 year old son w/his ex-lesbian girlfriend, but has also had an abortion with his current girlfriend... I would like to hear his opinion). Then talk to Jen tomorrow(she is younger than me, but has a similar lifestyle/value system). And then possibly my mother on Sunday. I'm so scared. I'll do it though.

That is great. Definately talk to them. But again, don't let other people sway you. It is 100% your decision. I have people on both side of the argument here. It is so hard. Please let me know how it goes.

Hi Ladies! I can very much relate to your stories. I am now 24 weeks along and felt very similar to you all at the beginning of my pregnancy. I also hoped that my ex- would "come around"...instead, he became even *more* abusive and harra__sing, telling me to have an abortion one minute and telling me that he wants to move back in with me the next. Things are MUCH better for me now, so please keep your chin up! It will all work out. If you feel that you are being harra__sed (and text messages in the middle of the night are harra__sment), you should get a restraining order. I have a 1-year order on my ex- so that he cannot contact me (and I also changed my telephone number to boot), and boy did that make a difference in my emotional state! It is so hard to make decisions about you and your child's life when you are getting harra__sed and also recovering from the ending of a relationship. Also, I wanted to add...I am a psychologist and threatening to commit suicide is a CONTROL TACTIC that abusers use and most likely NOT a serious threat. You *are not* responsible for another person's behavior. You *cannot* make an otherwise emotionally healthy person commit suicide, so do not fall for this tactic. And, if the person is truly mentally unstable, then likewise you *cannot* prevent him from harming himself by doing what he wants. My ex- used to constantly blame me for his substance abuse/alcohol abuse issues..."if you hadn't have (insert whatever you want here), I wouldn't have gotten drunk..." Uh, hello, NO. If someone else makes a choice to harm themselves in any way, that has NOTHING to do with what you did or did not do. It pains me to see that you'd let it "lie on your conscience," please do not fall for this tactic.

Mischelly30, thanks for the words. I am indeed feeling stronger... but I still have it in my head that I can't cut him out completely. What if he changes his mind? If I cut him out, how will I find him to get child support? OMG, what am I saying? I have a lot of thinking to do, obviously. And yes, he is truly mentally unstable (not just a figure of speech). He is a rapid cycling bipolar who went through re-hab last year for pill addiction. He was getting better.... but now apparently I have sent him to the edge of insanity. The good new (for him) is that he is seeking treatment to help him not relapse during all this turmoil that I am causing. ha. My one concern is that he will become violent.... although he never has before. I haven't seen him since the day I told him (Monday). I don't plan on seeing him. Hopefully he won't come around my house. His new doctors have him on several new meds (lithium, paxil, and 2 others that I am not familiar with). He is in a manic state right now.... I think that is what caused the 3am texting. I need to stay far away from the ticking time bomb. I know this, and I will. By the way, this forum is wonderful. As I sit here and type these posts, all of these thoughts and emotions become flood out of me. I've kept them bottled up until now. This is an awesome outlet for me. I'm going to work through this. I'm going to be okay.

It seems like they are one in the same man. My ex also has a serious addiciton to prescription medication and alcohol. He takes steroids as well. He has tried to control me since our first date. I have never met anyone like this before, which is why I think it took me a while to really see it. It is hard though~I still have feelings for him. He has done an incredible job of ruining my self-esteem. And blaming me for all of his problems. According to him he has never acted this way before and it is me who 'makes him say and do the things he does'. It is me who is the terrible person. He likes to tell me what a good catch he is and how women would line up to be with him. yeah right. i was the only fool. please lilly belle see him for what he is. and thank you mischelly30 for your insight. it is so helpful to hear that we are not alone, and this is not our fault. can i ask you a few questions? are you ok with having this baby on your own? are you sad? is this your first child? thanks.

Hello, yes, this is my first child. I will be 30 three weeks after my due date. My ex- was very, very controlling and abusive from the start. You would think that I would know better than to get involved in a relationship with a person like that, but honestly I had never been in an abusive relationship before, and it crept up on me. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt, and before I knew it, it was too late. I have been recommending the following article on this forum, as it really helped me realize how abusive my ex- was: http://www.enotalone.com/article/4112.html (remove any - the forum inserts). I had a terrible time adjusting at first, and was crying a lot...feeling really confused. Like I said, simultaneously dealing with the end of my relationship, destruction of my self-esteem, finding out I was pregnant, and being harra__sed by my ex- was hard. On top of normal life stressors, it was hell. But, after I cut off contact from my ex- (about 2 months ago), things have been MUCH better. I've had a lot of time to myself to think things through and really get over my ex (which is hard to do when he was calling all the time, sending mixed messages). My friends are all childless (and most are also single), but have been very, very supportive. My mom is really excited about being a grandmother. Now, I definitely do not feel sad most of the time, and am getting excited about the baby. The online forum has helped a lot, too...just reading other's similar experiences has been really, really helpful (even if I don't choose to respond). If you decide to have your babies, then please keep faith that things will improve, but I really do feel that things will improve much quicker for you if you distance yourself from your ex :)

Hi girls, you will not believe this. My ex just called me. I did not answer. He left me a message to say that him and his family were excited for the babies, but are not getting there hopes up until they know for sure since i have told them that I have slept with a whole bunch of other men. Are you kidding me? And then he goes on to say that he hopes that I get off of all of the pills and alcohol that I take!!!??? As I am typing this he is calling again. I HATE him. He is such a manipulative son of a b___h. If I have these babies, he will have nothing to do with them! I won't let him hurt them like he has hurt me.

Lily, Why is he saying those things? He must be telling his family/friends those lies and there must have been a *witness* in the room while he was leaving that message on your phone. WTF? I won't have to worry about those calls... since my boyfriend will NEVER tell his family. He'll just accuse me of ruining his life and the reason why he relapses or goes to an inst_tution. urrgghhh. Mischelly is right... this is all tricts/tactics to control us. Keep a log/journal of all the craziness.... just in case you need it later. Chin up.... I'm feeling better (for some reason). I just ordered a pizza. haaaaaaa

lilly bell, he is saying those things because he has lost complete control of the situation. he left messages and then dozens of texts. my whole family was with me at dinner while it was going on. his family knows better. they know about his behavior and his addictions. he is doing it to push my b___tons. he even went so far as to say that him and his new girl (who does not even exist) are so happy for the babies because she can't have any! the lies and the drama. i am actually kind of glad. it puts it all in perspective for me. the crazier he gets, the saner i get. he looks like an idiot. i saved the messages in case i need them for later. how are you doing?

Yes, the crazier he gets the saner you get. I know exactly what you mean. He's going off the deep end, and his insanity is easier to see now. Don't let him get you down. I haven't heard from my ex today, fortunately. So, I told someone! But it wasn't the person I was planning on telling.... a guy that I used to date called me out of the blue. I wasn't going to tell him... I just said I had some personal stuff going on. He guessed it! He actually has 2 children with his ex-wife... so he knows what having a child involves. He was extremely supportive, but very neutral. He gave the same advice that you and Mischelly have given... to just strip away all the external factors (money, logistics, boyfriend, what other people think,etc) and there lies your answer. I'm working on it... but feeling really good. I'm going to bed soon, get a good night's sleep & going kayaking in the morning. I'm going to talk to another friend tomorrow. I feel good! I hope you are feeling okay too. 'Night

LillyBell, How did you make out this weekend? Did you talk to your friends or family? I have been thinking about you. I hope you are doing well.

Hi Lilyfaith. My weekend was okay...I feel great... energetic actually. I haven't told anyone else, besides the one neutral guy friend. I don't want to tell my parents until I am sure that I will go through with it. I won't tell them if I have an abortion.... no need for them to know that. I think I'm 70/30 for keeping the baby... but doubts keep creeping in. I'm just not sure. I spread fertilizer out on the lawn today, but wore one of those painter's face masks, so not to inhale the fertilizer dust (I think it's toxic). My instincts to protect the baby are kicking in.... so weird! I've been wondering how you are. How was your weekend? Did you make a final decision? Any more hara__sment from the ex???

I am so glad you had a good weekend! The rest of mine was pretty good. He did not make any more calls. I think I embara__sed him by leaving him a message telling him that 'myself and my family would appreciate if he would understand and respect what I was going through, and please not call anymore'. I am about 80/20 for having the babies. Even though I am not 100% I am still taking the steps as if I was sure. I have an ob/gyn appointment next week. It all still does not feel like reality to me. Take your time with your decision. It is a lot to process. It is good to hear from you.