Anyone Else In This Situation

11 Replies
Sherri - August 4

I'm in a situation which I don't like and I'm scared that in the end (if there's an end) I'll come out alone. I am pregnant with my first child, I'm still together with my boyfriend (father of my baby) but our relationship has been very rocky for the past few months. I caught him cheating on me awhile ago, and it really upset me. I ran to my friends for support, which they were there for me 100%. They were upset with what my boyfriend had done and naturally felt anger towards him. To make a long story short, I accepted his apology and went back to him. The thing is, he cheated on me so badly and fed me so many lies that I'm having a difficult time trusting him. I'll build the trust up for him, everything will be going great, but then he'll say something that I don't believe, or something will happen to make me feel suspicious and I accuse him. I'll get all upset, cry and talk to my gf's about this AGAIN, but the sad part is, he was innocent. The situation didn't look or sound so innocent, but infact it was because he'll prove it to me. So I'll feel awful for accusing him and apologize. Although I'm well aware that he created this suspicion in me. So then I'll tell my gf's what really happened and they'll just roll their eyes because they have no trust in him whatsoever. Then the cycle will start all over again, I'll suspect something, question him, get upset and in the end, he wasn't doing what I thought he was doing. I feel like my gf's are pulling away from me. A huge part of me doesn't blame them, as I'm sure they're sick of seeing me going back and forth and always crying about the same old c__p, but I'm afraid that I'm driving my gf's away and one day I'll drive my bf away and I'll be left alone. I'm turing into that girl that everyone says "Oh god, whatever, she'll never leave him, same ol c__p, same ol stories..." My mom was in that kind of relationship, where no one liked her boyfriend and they kept arguing over the same c__p. I don't like this. I'm trying so hard not to accuse my bf of these things and I'm trying super hard not to run to my gf's when something arises, but at the same time, I feel alone. This is really c__ppy.

 

xx - August 4

Men are real clumsy when it comes to cheating. He will eventually be caught. Hense the saying "once a cheater always a cheater"

 

Sherri - August 4

He was already caught, only after he got caught is when he fully admitted. What I'm trying to say is, I've been accusing him of still cheating, but infact he hasn't been. I know this because he will prove to me. For example....a few nights ago he told me he wasn't going to be staying at home that night because he had things to do. I hadn't heard from him that night, when I did try to call, he had his phone turned off. I got super suspicious and thought for sure he was probably creeping around with the person he had cheated on me with. I was really upset but the next morning he called and he still had that super sleepy voice. It turns out, he was at a family members house and he was DETERMINED to prove that that is where he had been all that evening and spent the night there. So, he proved it. Infact he was helping his sister remodel her bas____nt. His sister has absolutly no reason to lie to me, we're really close and I know for a fact that she is remodeling. So you see, I blamed him for something I THOUGHT was going on. I felt really bad because I left a very upsetting message on his phone. I hate that I do this and worry like this, but am I at fault? I know I want to stop, but it's hard because of what happened with the cheating awhile ago.

 

xx - August 4

If he loves you and wants to be with you, he would include you in these away from home things. Do you live together? If so, he should come home every night. I understand why you question him, but he has given you every reason not to trust him. It sounds like he is trying to cover up something. If he continues to stay out and turn off his phone, something is up. And if he always has to defend his actions, something is up. Like I said men are not real smart when it comes to screwing up. If I was you I would stay on him until you have re-gained trust in him. Good luck and keep your chin up and your eyes open.

 

Sherri - August 5

xx, thanks. I understand what you're saying, but what I'm trying to say is that he HASN'T been cheating since, but I have been accusing him of cheating, because sometimes things he does or says just doesn't seem right, but then he'll prove it to me and I'll feel bad for wrongly accusing him. He doesn't need to include me in everything he does, we are our own individuals too, he has his friends, I have mind and we also have mutual friends. There was no reason as to why he should have invited me to his sisters house late at night, while he remodeled her bas____nt, I wouldn't want to be sitting around there watching anyways, because it's not like I can help, I'm 9 months pregnant. I guess I just wish he could have told me what he was up to, but then again, I'm not his mother. But because he was so vague on what he was up to, I suspected something and reacted on it. That is, until his sister got on the phone and told me that he had been there all evening and spent the night because he didn't get done working until 1am and she was to tired to drive him home. (she does live an hr away from his place). What I'm saying is, I really do wish I could stop being so suspicious because I know when I wrongly accuse him, it bothers him, but at the same time, HE CREATED this in me because he did cheat on me, although it was awhile ago, I'm still having a hard time letting those frightening thoughts go.

 

Sherri - August 5

Oh another thing....He didn't turn his phone off, he just didn't have reception. Her bas____nt has ZERO reception, I know this because my phone doesn't work down there at all and him and I have the same phones.

 

Sonia - August 10

Hi Sherri, if we go with the best case scenario, and your boyfriend hasn't cheated since you caught him, which is a very valid story, I think you need help. I completely agree with you that before he cheated you probably never had any suspicions, but after it happened every little thing makes you wonder what's going on. Being suspicious all the time has its base on what he did to you, but YOU have to do your best, and maybe get counseling because even though it's something you will never forget, it's certainly not healthy to live with. This also affects your baby, you being sad, and angry and getting all these ideas whenever you can't get in touch with him. One of the most important things to have when you're pregnant is peace of mind, and for you and your baby's sake I think it's important for you to get professional help to get over this difficult trauma that his infidelity caused you.

 

Sherri - August 10

Thanks Sonia, I agree with you and I am trying very hard to put my mind at ease. But I must admit, I have my off days. I just wish he didn't do this to me. I feel like I'm being punished for something he should be punished for. I feel like I'm paying for his wrong doing, why should it be that way? He KNOWS he can trust me so I feel it's unfair because he can have total peace of mind about me, but I can't? But like I said, I'm trying.

 

sorry - August 10

you dont need him

 

As yourself this - August 10

Would his sister lie for him? I feel like maybe he is just getting smarter about the cheating. He now has alibis, I would think that if I had cheated and I was never going to do it again. There would be no suspicious situations becasue I would be working on building trust. Hey I could be totally wrong but it does sound like you're enabling him and repeating a pattern you know all too well 'cause you watched your mom do it.

 

Sherri - August 10

No, I really don't think his sister would ever lie to me. The thing is, his sister really likes me and shows me respect all the time, she's also a serious and hardcore christian woman, because of this when she found out about his cheating awhile back, she was ANGRY and preeched to him about what it says in the bible about infedility. Anyways, I'm not sure if I mentioned this already, but I know for a fact, 100% that he was indeed at his sisters house, because I went there to see him that very morning.

 

MaryEllen - August 11

I had the same thing happen to me with my baby's daddy. I decided to try and more or less forget about what "I" thought he was doing and let him run his own life and leave the trust earning up to him. I left the ball in his court. It was his turn to decide what he wanted. Or so I told myself... That lasted about a month and a half.... He left me 6 months preg. And wants other girls

 

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