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Being a bad husband has nothing to do with being a bad father. " i want to punish him for hurting me so badly "....That is a very childish comment. Dont make that child suffer from being without a father, just because he was an awful husband. Your child will hate you when he gets older. At least he is trying to be in the childs life. A child needs his father just like he needs his mother. Mothers are selfish sometimes into thinking they are the only ones that their child needs. I hope you see where im coming from.

Ash2 - I do totally see where you're coming from and I know you're right but that's what I'm having a difficult time with. I wrote this post in the hopes that someone would be able to help me by sharing their experience; not so that someone could call me childish. I know that my feelings aren't good ones or even logical ones but I'm incapable of changing them right now because I am so devastated and hurt by what my husband did to me. So, anyways Ash2 thanks for making me much much worse than I already did. I won't post anymore. I'll suffer in silence.

I meant to say "making me feel much much worse..."

shae-lynn - i know it's hard right now to face your ex, but as you already know your child needs to have a father figure... I can maybe suggest to have a family member there with you, or have him pick up your son at a neutral place, that way you don't have to face him.. It'll be hard at first, because you have to get over him, but it'll get better in the long run.. I'm not in the same situation as you, but my husband has a child as a result from a one night stand and as much as he wants to be part of his daughter's life, the woman moved to a different city, changed her address and phone number and we can't find her anywhere.. what's even worse is that he's paying child support every month and we cannot locate this woman anywhere... we can't afford a lawyer and taking it through the courts is impossible and now we're having to have a sheriff serve her... but it's a long process.. this girl is 3 years old and she still doesn't know her father.. so this is from me and seeing my husband's perspective, not being able to see/meet his child is just killing him.. Believe me when I tell you, it's hard seeing a 3 year girl bouncing around when you're out on a street, knowing that your child is out somewhere... as much as you hate him right now and things didn't work out with him and you, just take it slow and one day at a time... i would get a court order and work out custody and child support, I could maybe even suggest supervised visits with a neutral person... I hope this helps.. it's sad that this happens, but just take it one day at a time... don't get stressed about things you can't control.

Sorry if i sounded so rude, i am just sensitive on this subject. But honestly having a baby has its rewards, and somtimes has downfalls......this is one of those downfalls. When you have children it is not all rainbows and glitter. You have to do things that you dont want too. ( even if it means letting her father see her.) You have to let him back into your life because there is a child involved. If she wasnt, then i would say forget him and move on, but things happen. I hope you understand a little more.

shae I wasn't with my guy as long but I know what you are going through...if you want to just vent...you can e-mail me bea_love yahoocom... that is if you ever check this form again. ash2 seems to like to think that women are evil because of our anger. At least that what I have seen with all of her post. She likes to tell us we are wrong for feeling anger and sad over the horrible way the father is treating us. Yes, some fathers have rights. I actully think that sometimes a father should take the child from the mother. I have friends that are in that situation. My situation...everyone that knows the details of my situation is telling me to not allow him in my life. Or the baby's. But just to vent...I am good at listening without judging.

lier...grow up. to bad nobody agrees with YOU .

I am getting divorced because I can't live with his mental problems and drinking. He blames me for everything bad in his life and uses me as an excuse to drink. Anyway, I got pregnant AFTER we separated! Ooops! He wanted me to have an abortion; I told him to get f**ked. So, now I am 12 weeks pregnant and not speaking to him at all. We have 3 others together and they visit him Wednesdays and every other weekend. I can tell you one reason your ex would wan't joint custody...if he gets the kid more than 20% of the time, he pays less child support. But, rest a__sured that most judges won't give a man a baby for long stretches of time. If his visitations bother you right now, get someone else to be there, like Mom or a girlfriend. You don't have to be there. Also, if your ex was uninterested in the kid all the time before separation, he will likely back away as time goes on. It is just his way of controlling you. My ex was a terrible dad before separation. Now he acts like his kids are everything to him. But, my two girls are getting wise to him. They see that he really only wants the boy. The boy is having difficulties as a result of the strange and unequal treatment from dad. I just have to be as consistent as possible to counteract his insanity. You will have to find a way to do the same for you and your kid. Best of luck.

Hello. Thank you again to everyone who responded to my post. It is very rea__suring to hear others' stories and how they have coped with everything. This is all I think about day and night. I'm so sick over this. I wish I could blink my eyes and make it all go away. I love my son so much and it kills me that this is the life I have brought him in to. I grew up in a home with 2 loving parents and that's all I wanted for him. Anyways, I've been thinking about what I' m going when my year of maternity leave is over. I have a teaching job back where my ex lives but I honestly don't know if I can move back there. I know it would be good for my ds so he could know his father but I just can't see me living there. I have no family there and it's a 6 hour drive to get anywhere. Luckily I don't have to decide till May.