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My best friend, since age five, and I began a s_xual relationship several months ago. We're not "into each other" romantically, although we do have a mutal love and respect for one another.
About two weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant., and am approximately six to eight weeks. I have a sonogram on May 21st to determine actual gestation.
It was a total fluke. In fact, my ob/gyn was in SHOCK when I told him the news. In fact, here's a quote from him last week. "Even if you had been trying to conceive, you were the very last person I'd expect to see in here for a pregnancy."
My best friend's "Sperm of Steel" made it through the following barriers:
1. Condoms
2. Spermicides
3. Oral Birth Control Pills (for regulation of a hormonal imbalance)
4. My last shot of Depo Provera, taken in December. Apparently, you shouldn't even shoot for conception until 18 months after your last shot.
5. Only one working ovary. (Ms. Lefty. The right one was damaged years ago.)
6. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
7. Tilted uterus.
8. Uterine Adhesions
9. HIS constant use of Mary Jane, which is supposedly to drastically reduce sperm count.
10. My incessant chain smoking, which also atttributes to difficulty conceiving... (Don't worry, I've quit.)
At first, I considered having an abortion, because as much as I love my friend, he's not the most responsible of guys and I'm trying to bring order back into my life, after some devastating personal issues. When I told him that I was pregnant, abortion was actually the number one choice on my mind. BUT after we went to the doctor (together) last week and he told me that conceiving again would be extremely difficult, I decided that I couldn't just abort the "Miracle Baby".
Well, unfortunately, my friend is very overwhelmed right now. In fact, he's talking about signing away his paternal rights once the child is born, if I even make it that far... (My risk of miscarriage is high, but about that later.)
He's being a coward, and frankly, I don't think I need him. I asked if he wanted to attend the sonogram with me, and he "refuses" to have anything to do with any kind of sonogram. I asked him why, and he says that it "makes it too real for him". Whatever. He's being an immature a$$ about everything. Conversely, he's been "sweet" to me lately, and by that I mean that he's been cleaning my house and taking care of miscellaneous needs that I can't attend to right away. This side of him just perplexes me more.
Unfortunately, I'm not producing enough progesterone or HCG to sustain the pregnancy. I'm taking supplements, and all my numbers are beginning to rise. As I told the doctors and my friend, I'm going to at least give this "Miracle Baby" a fighting chance. If it made it through everything else, then it's not my place to deliberately miscarry.
Oddly enough, I had a dream last night that I ran into his mother the town festival, and I was much further along (showing);... and she began asking questions about "the father"... I tried to run away, but she found me again, and I had to tell her that this is her grandchild.
Part of me wants to tell his mother, evenutally, who is like a surrogate mother to me, even though she lives 100 miles away (as does my friend, which complicates things more). Both of my parents died when I was a teenager, so this baby will need some sort of grandparents, I think...
Anyway, I apologize for the LONG post, but I just needed to get this all off my chest. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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