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I say inform his parents of the situation and that you are expecting their son's unborn child. The only risk involved is them turning their backs on you, which would be hard for you, but at least you know you did inform them. Some parents don't want to hear the truth about their children. Other parents don't even know what their kids (though grown adults) are about until others present the truth to them. I'm not saying it's a guarantee his parents are going to open their arms to you and your baby, but you don't know until you try. Let them know you use to date their son, basically had a relationship with him, and are contacting them to inform them that you and he are not together, but are still linked since you are pregnant with his child. Talk to them calmly, respectfully, like an adult. Then the ball will be in their court. I know it will be hard for you regardless though since you are the sole provider for yourself and the baby, but, like they say, where there's a will, there's a way. It will be hard, but be confident and strong, and you WILL be able to do this. As a mother, you will do for your child and don't want your baby to get hurt. Yet the baby will only get hurt if the mother is hurt, which case you are. Mend your own emotional wounds and head forward for your girl. All she really needs is a loving, strong, determined mother. Keep your head up. :-D

Sallyann, you should definatly let the soon to be grandparents know they have a grandchild ont he way. There are many different variables on how this could go down. Let me start by saying I have a girlfriend who has a son who is 15 now. The father has never been apart of its life, but his parents have been there the whole time. They used to take him on the weekend and give her a break. help with school clothes, etc. I also have a child who is 9 now, who the father left us said all the same stuff. Get an abortion, I do not love you, want nothing to do with the baby, etc. But, right after she was born, he came around. We never got back together but, he did pay child support and take her on the weekends. It's a long road to travel, but just be honest and open. Always take the high road and do whats best for your daugher. Which would be letting everyone know she is coming and let them sort out what they want to do. Best of luck to you, and congrats on your little girl!

First, please don't think that just because they're doctors, they should feel like the baby is their responsibility. They may do some things for the baby, but you need to find out where he is and go after him for support. But you should let them know they have a grandchild coming. He doesn't have to live in the state to provide support. They can go after him in another state, but you must file in your state first. Get the money, stay away from the man.

Email is actually the best way, in my opinion, to keep in contact with the ex. That way you can easily doc_ment everything (which is something everyone in these situations should definitely be doing). I only communicate with my ex through email. If he doesn't write back, well that'll look bad on him should he ever try to take me to court for custody. If you write and he doesn't write back, just file for child support (if you want it) and let domestic relations find him. As for his parents.. I think they deserve to know. This is their grandchild. I know I'd want to know if I had a grandchild. Don't even worry about how they will react.. the worst thing that could happen is they want nothing to do with the baby and you'll be in the same position you're in now. The best thing, your baby will have another set of loving grandparents. As for the father... he will probably have to have supervised visits in your home (or a neutral place) at first anyway.. and that's IF he even wants to see the baby. If he doesn't... well you'll find her a good stepdad someday so don't worry about that either. I'd say just tell his parents, and then don't worry about anything else until the baby is born. I spent my whole pregnancy worrying and none of what I was worried about even happened! hahaha. If you have any more questions just ask and I'll try to answer. One last piece of advice.... don't let the baby's father take the baby anywhere without you until you get custody established with the courts. Otherwise he could take the baby and not bring him/her back and there wouldn't be much you could do about it. So just keep that in mind as a precaution.

I would talk to his parents. Make things easier on yourself, and look at it like you're doing the right thing by informing a couple they are soon, very soon, to be grandparents. Whether or not they decide to help is up to them, but if you go into the situation like that, youre less likely to be dissapointed and hurt if it doesnt turn out the way you wanted. As for financial options, have you applied or recieved medicade? wic? there are so many programs that are willing and able to help. I am in a similar financial situation (as in... broke and expecting...) and have been relieved an immense about of financial burdens by getting help from these different programs. I wish you the best!

You need to tell his parents. And then you need to file for child support when that baby is born. The state will help track him down. If he resents the baby, he does not have to be a part of it's life. But he does have to help you pay for it. It's the child's right to get that financial support.

I say you should inform the parents but don't expect them to be financially responsible. Hopefully they will get involved and help out and get in contact with their dead beat son. You could also go to your local child support enforcement agency once the baby is born and give them as much info as you have about him: name, birthday, ss#)if known) state where he lives and maybe they will be able to track him down.

Just wanted to add that you definitely do not want someone involved with your child who does not want to be there. Let him know the door is open for him to become involved. If he chooses not to, don't wait around for him to grow up.Both of you are too good for him. Good Luck

Thanks for your replies everyone..I am in no way holding his parents responsible, I just have this sinking feeling about carrying their granchild and they may never know about her. Its not her fault that things didnt work out between her father and I..He says that he will do everything when he is ready but I have to do everything NOW! It really boils down to dealing with him now and take whatever he throws at me or later when my daughter is 4 or 5 years old and wants to know why she has to spend time with a stranger..I have tried on numerous occasions to email or i/m him to try and have an "adult" conversation about what we need to do when she is born and he wont respond. I dont even know whose last name she shall have. I know there is a possibility that he will have NOTHING to do with her and I dont want to saddle her with a last name that means nothing..Also if by some crazy miracle, if I were to get married, wouldnt I have to have his permission for her to be adopted/ last name changed? And as for child support, this guy is a total "rich kid". his parents foot the bill for everything, therefore he has no income..Would I be wasting my time to pursue child support? Oh and another thing that worries me is that he is from Jamaica and has dual citizenship there and here. If I were to list him as father and give her his last name couldnt he take her there without my permission? Im just really thinking of speaking with an attorney to see if I can get him to sign away his rights..

I think the laws might vary by state, but I think you can file for full custody after the baby is born, so that he cannot take her out of the state or country without your permission (to do so would be kidnapping). If you are afraid that he is going to take off with the baby, then I'd also recommend making him get a visitation order from the court before being alone with the child. In the court's eyes, if your ex- waits 4 or 5 years, as you say, to decide he wants to be a part of the child's life, that will look very negative and his visitation rights would probably be diminished (as opposed to someone who was involved from day 1). As for child support, only you can answer the question on whether it's worth it. It's often easy to get the court order, but hard to get the money. I wouldn't have him sign over his rights unless you are absolutely sure that you won't need child support from him, or that he won't want to resurface at some later point. I could be wrong, but once a person signs their parental rights over, it's hard to get them back.

Micheley's right in that if you get a custody order through the courts saying that you have physical custody then him/her cannot take him from you and not bring him/her back. So I would definitely get that order established before your ex takes the baby ANYWHERE. She's wrong, though, in that after 4-5 years the courts would probably diminish visitation rights... they won't. What would most likely happen is that they would order stepped-up visitation for the child in which the father has to come to your house (or a neutral area) to visit the child for a while and then will eventually get to take him/her unsupervised. This is also how it usually works for newborn/infant visitation. As for the child support.... even if he has no job, his income will be set at minimum wage... so depending on how your state calculates child support and what the minimum wage is, you'll probably get at least $250 a month from him... which would definitely help. Also, if he has a degree you can ask them (domestic relations) to factor in his earning capacity. For example, I'm currently unemployed, but at my last job I made about $1000 a month. So when domestic relations was figuring my income, they set my income at $1000 a month instead of around $765 (which is minimum wage here).. even though I'm currently unemployed. So make sure you mention that when you go for the child support conference. (Where you and your ex will bring last year's taxes and a member of domestic relations will sit down and enter both of your incomes into a computer and tell him what he's supposed to pay)

I know something about this, although it varies state to state. If he is not working, he will be made to get a job. The courts will not allow him to pay child support via his parents. The courts in my home state can be very rough on men who won't pay child support. He has no choice, as far as I know--and there is even a nationwide Parent Locator so he can't hide. He will lose is driver's license, his tax return, and he will be tracked down by law enforcement if necessary, but this man will be made to pay child support and get a job.

you cant just list him as the father in order for him to be on the birth certificate he has to be there to sign it himself or paternity has to be astablished. and he cant just take the baby if he isnt established as the father thats kidnapping so if you are really worried about him taking your baby dont put him on the birth certificate and make sure you go to court to get custody established even if he seems to want nothing to do with your baby. good luck and best wishes

Why on earth would you even consider giving your child the last name of the father, who seemingly will have nothing to do with her, and doesn't even have the decency to respond to your emails? I think you should give your baby your last name, that way if you are the one raising her, you will have the same last name as her. When I got divorced, I kept my ex-husband's last name simply b/c I wanted to have the same last name as my daughter. As for his parents, it might seem awkward, but I do think you should contact them simply to let them know that you are going to be giving birth to their grandchild. How they react is up to them, but they do have a right to know. Just to try approach it without expectations, that way you won't be disappointed (I realize that is probably easier said than done!). You really have nothing to lose. As far as child support goes, in my state there is a formula based on income, but there is also a minimum. If the father doesn't want to have anything to do with you or the baby, it seems unlikely that he will try to kidnap her, but it can't hurt to get custody officially established by the court asap. Usually, once custody is established, it involves a court hearing to have it changed.