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I found this website with a list of dos and donts and I think that most make sense and thought I would share them with you................. Do's & Don'ts
Learning this protocol will help you find treasures and avoid traps
• Don’t Act hysterical or spin drama, even if you seem to have perfectly legitimate reasons to do so. Acting in a hysterical or dramatic manner will only reflect negatively on you.
• Don’t speak negatively about your child’s other parent, no matter what’s going on between you. Speaking negatively about your child’s other parent will make you look like the one who’s been causing trouble, and may come back to bite you.
• Don’t get an attorney until you know you will need one. Most child support, custody, and visitation agreements can be concluded for free through your Child Support Enforcement Division, even if your child’s other parent is a contrary or combative person. Attorneys WILL overcharge you, exploit you, anger you, and drag things out for as long as possible for the sake of lining their pockets. Some will tell you that going through an attorney will be faster than CSED, which is simply not true.
• Don’t buy into the myth that a child needs a father figure in order to be psychologically and emotionally healthy. Single mothers have to be twice as diligent and twice as patient than those without children when choosing a partner. The wrong partner is much worse than none at all.
• Don’t date men who do not have jobs. You have enough to take care of already. If a man can’t take care of his own life, he has no business being in yours.
• Don’t allow your home to be a safe-haven for friends or acquaintances who have weaknesses for drugs, alcohol, s_xual debauchery, or drama. The safety of your child must take priority over your social life. If a friendship is valuable to you regardless of the risks, continue to be a friend, but keep potentially harmful people away from your home.
• Don’t lose sight of your goals. Although your progress will be slowed by your undertaking, you are still capable of attaining your personal goals of education, financial independence, or successful romantic relationships.
• Don’t align yourself with other single mothers who don’t adhere to the highest standards of parenthood and personal conduct. Although our society’s negative perception of single pregnant women and single mothers stems from trashy TV talk shows and other irresponsible media, remember that you’re better than that. Your status as a single mother doesn’t qualify you as trash, regardless of the actions or prejudices of the male-educated masses. Seek friendships and relationships with people who are as good as you are.
• Don’t broadcast your hardships to co-workers or strangers. People who are going through a hard time make easy targets for predators. If you are having trouble with depression, ask your Obgyn to refer you to someone who can put you on a legitimate medication regimen to see you through this hard time. Let your trusted friends know that it is important not to discuss some of the more vulnerable aspects of your situation with people you don’t know or people who don’t have your best interests at heart.
• Do briefly doc_ment all interactions with your child’s other parent, including visits, phone calls, and even rumors from friends in your calendar, even if you are going through a “smooth” time and don’t anticipate any trouble. In the event that any trouble does eventually start, you’ll be glad you did.
• Do keep doc_mentation of your child’s vital statistics records and expenses together in a file that can be accessed quickly and easily.
• Do research all conveniences in your area, including full service gas stations, Automated Teller Machines, emergency day care, health clubs with day care, etceteras. Running errands becomes much more time consuming when you have a baby along for the ride.
• Do assess the need for an item before buying it. Some things that are invaluable in certain settings are completely useless in others.
• Do take advantage of every form of assistance available to single mothers, including WIC, state-funded health care options, and Medicaid.
• Do continue to plan for your future as though you will be on your own forever. Although it is very likely that you will eventually find the right partner, you will be in a better position to choose wisely if your search is not motivated by financial or emotional need.
• Do research day care options while you are still pregnant. Life opens up a lot when you have free time, and your conscience will be free as well if you feel that your baby is in good hands.
• Do continue to save your money. If you can’t afford to save 10% of each paycheck, make it a lower percentage and STICK TO IT. If you fear that your savings will disqualify you for financial assistance, keep your savings in a safe place (under lock and key) in your home. If you eventually plan to buy a house or make another type of large purchase, deposit this money into your financial inst_tution at least three months before you plan to make your purchase.
• Do keep your eyes and ears open for news about health-related issues. Our government continues to do research on our population through vaccinations that have not been thoroughly tested (example: chicken pox vaccine, whooping cough vaccine) and nutrition (example: peanut butter is one of the items single pregnant women can obtain for free through the WIC program, however, recent research has concluded that copious ingestion of peanut products while a woman is pregnant does in some cases lend to the likelihood of the baby having an extremely dangerous allergy to peanuts). The easiest research subjects are those who need things for free. Don’t let yourself of your baby become a laboratory rat. Do your own research and make your own conclusions about health and nutrition.
• Do realize that this may be your last chance to have a child, and resolve to do it right. Although parenthood may have come along unexpectedly for you, remember that there are many people who deserve to be parents, but can’t have children. Although it might not seem like it now, you are one of the lucky ones.
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