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Hi there, Some of you may remember me, I posted "Boyfriend Unaware" in August I think, and i'm sorry to say that things don't seem to be getting any better. As a quick re-cap, 20yrs ago i had a son adopted. I'm now 36 yr old and 4 years ago got back with my son's father - he had a daughter from a previous relationship 5 yrs after we had our son. Anyway after we tried for a baby for 18mths, i got pregnant 2 yrs ago but he suddenly changed his mind and said he would leave me if i didn't "get rid". I had an abortion which i have deeply regretted ever since. Anyway 12mths ago we moved into our bought house, well i took out the mortgage and paid the deposit as he decided he didn't want to commit to that either and after we moved in he became angry, depressed and started going out more, not coming home at night, complaining about anything and everything i did. I found out in May he was seeing an old school friend despite denying for months that there was anything going on and i gave him an ultimatum - he decided to stay with me and give it a go. Shortly afterwards i discovered i was pregnant despite being on the pill, i think it failed as i was constantly ill and sick with worry and once again he said he would leave if i didn't terminate. After i refused, he started to go out again, not coming home etc and in November I had to have one of my horses put to sleep, followed a week later by the sudden death of my dad. My b/f left me on christmas eve to move into his mum's (rented) house but (he said) because he had no furniture etc, he continued to come home every morning to shower and change before disappearing again til the next morning. Occasionally if i was still in bed he would climb in for s_x, afterwards saying that it meant nothing. This has continued until this week when he finally took his clothes and some of his stuff ( he worked from home) and moved into his house properly. Now I am left with 2 rooms full of his junk, I am anxious to start decorating the nursery as i have only 9 wks til baby comes but he keeps making excuses about not picking his stuff up as he is busy. It's really getting me down. Even this morning he rang me to ask if i would pick him up as his car had broken down and his mates were at work. Of course, being a sucker, i did - and have lent him my car for the rest of the day.........All i wanna do is sleep, it;s the only way i can stop thinking about him, the baby etc
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Just to add, he has started to see his daughter again, around christmas time, saying that she is the only child he has had that he wants anything to do with....he even brought her with him one day when he came back for a shower despite me asking him not to bring her to my house! My friends say he may change when the baby is born, but it doesn't seem likely to me.........
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Is the house you live in belong to you or both of you? I know it's hard but you have to be stronger and tougher when it comes to him. Can you move all his stuff to one room so you can get started on the nursery? I would personally be mad enough to through his stuff out on the street...but I understand that there is a chance for him to come back to you once the baby is born and obviouslty you don't wnat to mess around with that chance. Well, that's the best I can suggest is try to move on with your life with your baby and move his stuff to one room and afte the baby is born if he doesn't come around then kick him out completely. It'll be hard raising a child on your own but if he plays with your emotions like this and he keeps using you for your generosity you and your baby will be better off with out him. Single parenting is hard, but it's better than being with a man who doesn't appreciate you.
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If you own the home and he has taken residency somewhere else, send a letter certified mail asking him to schedule a time within a certain time frame (30 days) from your home or you will consider it abandonment of property. change all the door locks which does not allow him free access. Talk with an attorney that can confirm if the above is legal (start with an attorney that practices family law). You have to look at the respect issue and how much has he truly respected you. It is not your responsiblity to spare him grief and hurt, has he given you that consideration. You do not need to fight, yell, and argue with him. Nor do you need to cater to him in hopes he will come around. You can handle things from your end with a strong "i'm accepting your discussion to move on and now I am" without drama on your end. If he truly is a man he will eventually come around to be a father, catering to his demands is not going to make a father out of him. Myself and many other women that post have heard everything and more from the fathers of our children who say anything and act out in disrespectful ways to get you to terminate the pregnancy and I think if you read the postings many of us tried to negotiate and sacarfice our feelings in hopes that the father would come around.My sons father said the same thing regarding his daughter, " i only have one child". My baby was born last week and the fact is God gave him another child even if he does not acknowledge his son. He (the father) cn not change the work of God. I decided to take a firm hand and have court in the morning. My son comes first. All the negotiating and asking him to do the right things ended as i gave birth and he was no where to be found. If he truly is man he will be father and will not mind taking financial responsibility. If anything he should respect me for putting his son first. I have never to this day yelled or acted a fool, rather I always knew in the end I had the law on my side and i did not need the drama. Funny how he no longer has the upper hand, he called wanting to what we could do to work together. Too late, maybe in the future when things have settled and he is ready to be man the courts will not be involved. But right now my son comes first, his father is no longer the man of my life nor is he my main concern. I have a liitlittle one that needs me in every way, he needs by full attention. i have to raise him to the man his father isn't. You are never alone and the hurt is there. If you read many of the other post you will learn that you are not the only one feeing the many emotions of being pregnant and single. You can do it, once you take the first step of moving on & clean out your closet you'll feel better. Good luck, love yourself and your unborn child.
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sorry for the typos, i get in a hurry and plus the baby is in my arms asleep.
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