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Yep... I've been there D... I can remember some days when I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out... for a while after the breakup I cried every day. That's why, like I said, it's not an easy thing to do... but it DOES GET BETTER. I haven't cried in months. I haven't even felt bad in months. You just have to get yourself through that bad part and then everything's okay from there on out. I'm now 3 weeks away from my due date... and I'm sooooo excited. I don't even care about the father or what he's doing. I'm just so happy that I'll finally have someone who deserves all of my love and attention. So focus on your little one right now. In a few months (and it goes by quick!) your baby's going to need you. You will have all the love you'll need then... and it always feels great to be needed by someone else. So try not to think about the stuff that's going on right now, just think about all the great things that are coming to you in the future! :) I'm so happy right now.. and you will be too!!!!!
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| d - July 9 |
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April i was reading through some posts and was wondering how you're doing? You're creeping up on your due date right? i have 5 more weeks and i'm getting nervous. Sometimes i get scared and worried that i'm not going to have those mommy feelings and love for my baby that you're suppose to. Dont get me wrong i'm going to love him but it scares me too. I've been so depressed throughout my pregnancy(ALL 35 weeks) from the jerk and i havent been all that excited so far. i have waves of different feelings. i'm worried that i'm going to get post partum depression after the birth because i wasnt that happy throughout my pregnancy. plus i'm stationed overseas, my fam is in the states and so is the dead beat dad. I'm going to have to do everything on my own. I dont regret my decision at all about keeping my baby but i'm just worried about the unexpected. i've talked to a few of my friends, whom have kids, about this and they say it's normal. do you ever worry about this stuff? enough rambling thoughts for now, i hope all is well with you and your baby!!
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I'm doing great! Thanks! I've only got 9 days left. This is my first pregnancy so I'm wondering how labor will start. I've heard that some women don't even know when they go into labor! haha. I have a high pain tolerance.. and I live a half hour from my hospital, so I hope I realize what's going on before my water breaks. (There is a girl I went in my town who didn't go to the hospital when her water broke and the cord wrapped around the baby's neck and killed the baby! :( so that scares me a little bit). Otherwise, the only thing I'm dreading is having to deal with the father again! haha :) Anyway, I think ALL pregnant women and moms worry... it just goes with the territory.. so what you're going through isn't unusual.. and don't worry if you don't bond with your baby right away. Some women don't, and that's usually what starts postpartum depression. I would think it's kind of good you're preparing yourself for that so in case you don't bond right away you'll be expecting it, and it won't hurt you as much. I'm no expert, but I'd like to think that if you prepare yourself then you're preventing postpartum depression. So you may be doing better for yourself than you think you are. I haven't really worried about bonding with my baby because I spend all day talking to her and she kicks me a LOT, so I feel like we already do have a bond. I may end up surprised when she comes out and we don't have a bond, but either way I'll get through it. I know that even if we don't have a bond right away, it won't take long to form one. Also... I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let the jerk bother you. I haven't seen my ex since the beginning of may and GOOD RIDENCE.. haha... I don't even want to see him. My life has been so much better since I stopped talking to him. He's not even worth my brain-space, and your ex isn't worth yours. :) I'm sorry your family isn't with you :( But sometimes friends are just as good as family. They're always great to talk to, and it's a definite plus that you have friends over there that are moms too. Some of my guy friends have taken me out to movies and things just to get me out of the house.. I feel so bad for them sometimes because other people think the baby's theirs! hahah... Anyway, just hang in there... your feelings ARE normal, just try to be positive about everything and know that everything will work out. Even if you're a little disappointed with not being excited during the pregnancy, it will be okay. You are gonna love that baby soooooo much... and your baby will love you too!
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| D - July 11 |
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Thanks girl for the encouraging words! I know i'll be fine but i'm still a bit worried. I wonder all the time about knowing when i'm in labor too!! I hope all works well for you! Have you thought about how you're going to deal with the father? How you're going to let him know you're in labor or had her? I'm not sure how to approach the situation and i dont know how to deal with him. i'm still dealing with the break up, even though it's a bit easier, i dont want all the hurt, resentment, and betrayed feelings to get in the way of things. i want to have a somewhat civil relationship with him but i cant yet get over things. i dont want my baby to suffer because we cant stand to talk to eachother. i guess that goes back to seperating the 2 issues again. oh well, more things to work on. i really hope everything goes well with your delivery! After you have her, and you find time, please get on and let me know how things went. also include any advice that you have that would help out my labor some! Thank you again!
D
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A while ago I was thinking that I wanted my ex in the room when I delivered... just so he could see the pain I was going through (he seems to think babies aren't alive until they come out of the birth ca___l, and they just shoot out like rockets... nice and pain-free). About a month ago, I got an e-mail from him asking about visitation and child support. Just seeing his e-mail address got me mad and tensed me all up. That's when I knew I couldn't have him even be in the same building with me... let alone the same room... when I'm supposed to be trying to relax. There is NO WAY I could relax with him there... haha. So I'm just going to call him after I have her. My mom was happy when I told her I was going to do that. She didn't want him there either... haha. As for getting along with him afterwards, I won't have much of a problem, other than the fact that he's so ignorant and dillusional it annoys me. He hates conflict and would rather poke out his own eyeb___s than to fight. Whenever I see him in person (last time was 2 months ago) he pretty much acts like there's absolutely nothing going on, and that we're just the best of friends. You can probably see how this would annoy me.... but it'll actually work out for my daughter's sake because we won't be fighting. Sometimes I just wish he'd just wake up and admit to what he did... and I'll probably want to smack him sometimes, but I'm pretty good at controlling myself so I'll just try my best to ignore his ignorance... haha... just have to remind myself that this is aaaaallllll for my daughter. Anyway, I'll get on here as soon as I can after I deliver and let you know how it went. Good luck with your baby, and dealing with the father! Everything will be great!
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D... I HAD MY BABY!! :) and let me tell you... she made EVERYTHING that I went through worth it! She's so beautiful and perfect I just love her! It was especially cool because after I had her they put her on the measuring table... and she was crying. I started talking to her and she stopped crying and looked over at me and I SWEAR she smiled. It was the most amazing thing ever. So don't worry... everything will work out fine! Oh, and I didn't call the father until the day after I had her (didn't feel like dealing with him on the day I delivered). He stopped by the hospital and when he saw her I thought he was going to cry. He just had tears in his eyes, and kept saying how perfect she was. He called me today and said that he started working with his dad on the side to get more money for the baby, and that he wanted to help out and come see her. Haha.. MEN. Anyway, Just hang in there. Everything will work out for the best.
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| D - July 18 |
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APRIL!!! I'm sooo happy for you. i had a feeling that you had her, havent seen your name on the forum in awhile. Thank goodness he's finally coming to his senses. I'm glad for you and your daughters sake that he's cleaning up his act, going to help, and actually showed emotion when he saw her. So how was labor? I know you're wonderfully busy so i wont ask a million question, take care of that precious baby and good luck...keep me posted. Oh one more rambling thought, my doc is going to strip me next week so hopefully i hav emy son soon too! wish me luck! congrats again.
D
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Thanks D! Check out the "congratulations april" thread that ~s~ made... I wrote my labor experience in that thread.. haha... it's a book so get ready to read! :)
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