Hoping I Can Do This On My Own
2 Replies
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I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant. I am unsure who the father is, but have told both guys about the situation, and both will only support me if i have an abortion. That is definitely the last thing that I want to do. 2 years ago as a freshman in college, I had an abortion, and it was the worst experience of my life. I vowed never to do it again. So, here I am pregnant. I havent told my parents b/c they were the reason I had my abortion 2 years ago. But I have told one of my older sisters who said that she would help me any way she could.... she is the reason I feel like I can do this. I only have one more year of college left, and then I will be graduating with a degree in Biology. I am slightly excited, but still completely afraid.... because I dont want to make the wrong choice....
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Good luck and have faith! I know a few women who have had abortions, and can't name a single person who didn't regret it. If it feels right in your gut, know that you're making the right decision for yourself, eyes wide open.
That said, you said "both will only support me if i have an abortion". What does that mean? If you have an abortion, there's nothing to support - not financially. If you have the child, each guy has a 50% chance of being on the hook for child support for 18 years. If I were in their shoes and only cared about money, I'd be VERY supportive of your having an abortion too. In the end, what good is that?
And emotionally? I don't think a guy is capable of supporting a woman emotionally post-abortion, not if he advocated the abortion to begin with. He cannot understand the loss, and so cannot empathize. Your parents supported you having an abortion, and you still regret it now.
They're basically saying 'don't count on me'. Not to be harsh, but the initial reactions are somewhat understandable. From what I understand, paternity tests aren't performed until after the baby is born. Many guys have doubts about their paternity - stemming from awe at their ability to procreate - even when they know 100% they are the father - its not like women knowing without a doubt that we are the mother. So I definitely wouldn't count on either guy being around for the duration of the pregnancy.
BUT, once the baby is born, and you get that paternity tests done, you most definitely should be hitting pops up for child support. The child deserves it. Guys don't have a choice in being financially supportive or not; they don't get to opt out. Just prepare yourself for legal battles - you may need your older sister to help you pay for the lawyers and court costs and tests.
Good luck! and Congrats about telling both guys up front - you made the right decision.
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Hi, you know what? Where there is a will, there will be a way. I believe it. In your heart you know you are making the right decision for you. You sound like a strong person and with your sister's help you will be ok.
Maybe your family will try to change your mind but remember, it is your life.
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