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My boyfriend and I just broke up and I'm pregnant with his child. Our reason for a break-up was entirely his fault, although I know I can find it in my heart to forgive him, we're still not together. He really messed up big time and I know he's hurting about it and he knows I am, but he needs time to sort and clean out his life and to hopefully get back on track. Although what he did was so painful for me, I've already made it clear that I can forgive him. We still talk, but our conversations are always sad, because we always end up talking about what happened. I know in my heart that I still want to be with him, I love him so much and even though he hurt me, I know he's very much sorry for it. He knows how much I want to work things out, but I feel as though I'm putting too much pressure on him, I'm pushing him too fast to work things out. He's already told me so and said that I need to leave things be, because he needs to sort out his life before he can think about making a decision as to whether or not he can carry on a relationship with me. I know I should probably just walk away, but I've already made up my mind and decided to give him a second chance. I just don't know how to do this? Do I just leave things alone, play the part of being broken up or should I honestly try to get over all of this and slowly move on? If he wants me, he knows I'm here, right? I just don't want to put any pressure on him, try to make decisions for him because I know that'll frustrate him and I want his decision to be his, not mine. I do love his man so much and I want to stand by his side and support him, but I'm afraid that in the end, he'll leave me for the girl he cheated on me with.
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You can't give him a second chance until he's willing to take it. Please do yourself a favor and just give him the space he needs, because otherwise you're just going to push him away. I know it's hard, but it will be better in the long run if he does figure himself out before he continues on with the relationship. If you try to stay together when he's not ready to, you guys will most likely have bigger problems later, and will have an even harder breakup. Also, don't wait around for him. Start the process of healing, and know that if you guys are meant to be together than things will work out. I want to tell you one thing though... my boyfriend left me when I was 4 months pregnant. He said he needed to focus on his business and wasn't sure what he wanted. He couldn't be in a relationship right now. About a month later he had a new girlfriend. I'm not saying that your boyfriend will do this to you, but you have to be prepared or it will be a LOT more painful. Let him have his space, but don't expect him to come back to you, and cheating is a BIG DEAL... I have a lot of experience with being cheated on.. and trust me... if they'll do it once they'll do it again... if he cheated on you then there is something wrong that REALLY needs to be fixed... it's not something that can be worked out easily, and it's not something you should forgive easily. I know that when my ex cheated I kept running back to him... and he kept cheating... oh sure he felt bad about it... but that didn't stop it.. one of the best things I've ever done for myself was getting out of that relationship. Just remember that love is blind... and your friends and family know best... go talk to them about what they see... and LISTEN.
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Thank you so much for your response, April. You make A LOT of sense. I don't want to push him, I believe I already started to and I could see him getting frustrated and the more I pushed the faster he would turn away. I know it's not because he doesn't love me, it's just that he needs his time and space and I'm willing to give that to him, I just need to find a way to do so. I guess it's just so hard because we still talk on the phone a lot, he still tells me he loves me and he calls me "baby" I guess that's why I feel it's not over, but I just try my best to keep my cool and not get all emotional and stuff. You're right, if we're meant to be, then it'll be. He's been turning to his friends, explaining his situation, he knows it was totally fukked up, that's what he's so adament about cleaning his act up and his life. I have a strong feeling inside that if I give him the time he needs, then one day, we'll get back together. I guess regardless as to what I think and hope, I do have to start the healing process. I must admit though that it still kills me inside that this other girl is still trying to hang on. I know I'm doing the same thing, but I guess I just think that my situation is different than hers. Oh sooooo confusing, I really need to back off a bit, each day.
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