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I am 34 weeks pregnant and last week, my husband decided he did not want to be married anymore. We've been married 4 years and together for 9. Neither of us really knew if we wanted to have children or not and when we first found out I was pregnant, we were both very shocked but then started looking forward to the idea of being parents. I noticed something was wrong about a month ago. He became really moody and distant. I finally confronted him about it last week and he said he wasn't happy with our marriage. We've had lots of problems in the past and even separated more than a couple times, mainly due to his alcohol abuse. Now that he is sober, he says he wants different things in his life. He said we're not compatible. We don't talk to each and we have nothing in common. I was tolerable to be around when he was drunk but now that he's sober, he doesn't want to be around me anymore. He said he was trying to wait until after the baby was born to tell me all of this but since I'm the one that asked what's wrong, he told me. I never imagined being 8 months pregnant and having my husband walk out on me especially when I have always been there for him and helped him sober up. After reading some of the postings in this forum, it seems like this happens to a lot of women so I don't feel so alone anymore. It's hard to accept his decision, it does feel like rejection at it's worst timing. What is most hurtful is the fact that he's reading to see other women already. He's already posted single ads online. I feel like he is choosing to sleep with as many women as he can over his wife who has stuck by him through thick and thin and his beautiful daughter that is about to be born. He says he is looking forward to raising his daughter but that is to be seen. I have my good days and I have my bad days right now. It just all seems so overwhelming to have to deal with being pregnant and thinking about divorce and where I'll be living and how I'm going to raise my daughter.
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I feel really bad for what you are going through. I do not have experience personally with alcoholics, but I have read about their selfishness being pretty common. Especially when they stop drinking. Its as if being sober is not enough, they seem to need to change everything about their lives. But what are you going to do? Do you have a plan? Could he be right that you two just are not compatible and although his timing is terrible, maybe you guys are better off divorcing? If he has posted single ads online, then he is a real jerk too! He really has some nerve seeing other women. But any AA member will tell you that duirng this juncture is NOT the time to start new relationships. He's a screw up, youre probably better off.
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I'm so sorry for what you are going through and writing to let you know you are not alone. About 2 months ago at 10 weeks pregnant my husband of 2 years and partner for 10 years told me he was having an affair for the last 8 months with a girl half his age and he was in love with her. I was completely blindsided as I thought we were blissfully happy and had no idea he was even having an affair. I never thought it was something he was capable of and never thought I would be in this position. The pregnancy was unplanned and we were both shocked at first but then became really excited and were happy planning for this next stage of our life together with our baby. My husband also has a drinking problem, but in denial about it. I left our home and am living with my parents again. Its so hard and Im crying myself to sleep often. I have been able to lean on family and friends who have been very supportive and hope you are able to do the same. It does feel so overwhelming to be dealing with separation and divorce at this time when it feels like you need your partner the most. I just found out I am having a girl as well and hope that I can get through this pregnancy and come out stronger on the other side for her. I hope I can look back one day at this and realize it was for the best to separate and divorce now as opposed to 5 or 10 years down the road after my child has already had the experience of living with her parents together. Now she will never have to know any different. Wishing you best of luck in getting through this difficult time adn hope we can both get to a place where we know we are better off without them adn can do this on our own.
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