I Need Some Advice-pg114157485818
7 Replies
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About a year ago I met my current boyfriend, while I was still dating my ex. He also was dating someone and she had two kids from a previous relationship. He has been with her for six years and they have a house together. Basically they are married, but its written on paper that they are. We started fooling around in March of last year and we both decided that we would break up with our relationships and get together in June. He told me he loved me, in March and he wanted to treat me better than what my ex treated me. I believed him. We started dating and he moved in with me for two monthes, but never got rid of his situation with her. They still had the house together, joint checking account, etc. In November of 2005 I told him enough was a enough and I needed a roommate to move to help pay the bills. He wasnt paying a dime while living with me, and when my roommate moved in he moved back with her. He told me that they werent together and he lived in the basement. (One thing I forgot to mention is that back in May my current boyfriends ex called me and told me that he is going through a phase and she will stand by him. Because what they have is a family and this is not the man that she knows. She told me that if it takes six monthes to 5 years she will be there for him and take him back.) We were fighting all the time after he left and I told him that he needs to get rid of his "situation" if he wanted me in his life. I started not to feel well in December and decided to go to the doctors in February and found out that I was 12 weeks pregnant. I told him and he took it pretty hard, and said that it was my decision and he would stick by me. I decided to keep it, and we started to get better as a couple talking about it and looking forward to the future. Last Monday my life crashed! He told me that he went to tell his ex about me being pregnant and she got up from the table and lifted up her shirt and told him that she was nine monthes pregnant and she was a week over due. I was shocked!! All I wanted to do was punch him, he told me that it was his because the second to last weekend in May he went on a retreat with her to see if there was anything there. They must of had s_x. He told me that he told me that but I dont remember. How could he have s_x with her when he told me that he loved me back then. Besides how could he not know that she was pregnant, HE LIVES THERE! He told me that he doesnt see her, he lives in the basement of the house and she lives in the house portion with her two kids. He was telling me that she entrapped him, and he so upset with her. But heres the kicker HE IS STILL LIVING THERE!! This is what I think, he either knew all a long, or she is only six monthes or so pregnant. To make matters worse I work with him. I need advice, I havent talked to him since he told me! I am sooo depresssed and stressed out! Please I need help.
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Okay... how the heck did he not know that his "wife" was 9-months pregnant?? He HAAAD to have known. There is NO way that he could've been living in the same house with her (bas____nt or not) and not see her for 9 months... and even so.. SOMEONE would've told him about it. I'm sure with them being together for 6 years, they have mutual friends. Also.... he cheated on her with you... why wouldn't he cheat on you with her? I think both of you ladies need to kick this guy to the curb. Sounds to me like he's stringing both of you along... probably more-so you than her since he lives under her roof. You definitely don't need this guy and can do this without him. I made the mistake of wishing my guy was still around after we broke up.. and all that did was waste energy. I'm glad he's not around now. So in my opinion, you should concentrate on your baby for a while. Have a happy, healthy baby. Love that baby more than anything... and don't be in a rush to get into a relationship. The right guy will come along when he's supposed to... and NEVER date someone who is willing to cheat on their wife/girlfriend with you.... because if he'll do it to them, he'll do it to you.
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Have you ever thought about contacting the his "wife" and finding out what he's telling her? I did that before when one of my ex's was cheating on me... I found out that he'd been telling the girl he was cheating with that he loved her and wasn't with me anymore... and was telling me the exact opposite! The girl and I ended up going to his house together and reeming him out... it was sooooo fun because he couldn't lie to us with both of us there. He just hung his head and stared at the floor.
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yeah..contact her and find out what's really going on.
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I would not contact her at all. It will only cause you more pain and you will probably end up with more unanswered questions. I would say just avoid him as much as you can (hard b/c you work together). I called my ex's new lady to see what was going on her and ended up getting my feelings hurt big time. I haven't spoken to him in a months since that time. He is no good for you so don't be his plaything anymore. I have learned that men will say anything to get their way. So once we see the signs and evidence we need to RUN! Good luck with your pregnancy. Each day will get easier. If you need answers talk to him but not her. Sometimes it is truly better to not know all the secrets because they can really hurt you. He is still accountable as the father so that is really the only discussion that is necessary between you all. Realize that it wasn't your fault and that it is human nature to want to believe all those good things that men tell us.
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youngNpg is right in that you have to be ready for what you might here if you contact the "wife." In some situations it can be bad, especially if you're not ready for whatever you hear and it shocks you. Personally, contacting my ex's girl-on-the-side was the best thing I ever did in that relationship. I'm the type of person that wants and needs to know the TRUTH about EVERYTHING so I can finally stop a___lyzing and move on. That day I got my answers, but I was also on the right side of the equation... because when we were both there it was me who he said he wanted (even though I was DONE with him) and not the girl. I think it would've hurt more if that was the other way around, and that would have to be something you're prepared for if you and "wife" confronted him... because chances are, he'd say her. (I say this because he's been with her so long and is still living under her roof... if they still want to live under the same roof that means the attachment is still there).
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I say contact her, but yes be PREPARED for anything. Keep the baby regardless of him, because you already decided to keep it before the big b__w. Don't let depression change your mind!! And if you contact her and all goes well and he's made to look like the jerk that he is, don't take him back. I dated a guy like him once and they NEVER change.
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This is one messed up situation. I really hope you find out the truth.
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