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Oh boy, I am sorry, how awful for you. Did you ever discuss birth control. It just seems the "timing" of everything seems a bit planned. 42 year old woman no children, having unprotected s_x after she telling you she didn't want children.....then boom 7 weeks pregnant after a 10 week relationship! Anyway what's done is done...the decision is up to you and how much you want to be involved. It is your child and you have every right to be part of your child's life starting now! If you desire you can have 50% custody and really be an integral part of your child's life. To this she must agree. Good luck!!!!

Wait a minute. You have been dating her for 10 weeks, so since about the very beginning of October, so this means she might have been pregnant before.....?? Did you ask for her due date?? Don't want to go down a wrong track...but is there a possibility she was pregnant from before...?

Thanks for your comments iona. I may have the timing wrong, but I have no doubt that it is my child. It's just that the reaction has been so cold and flat. She won't discuss anything about it except for agreeing to give me an update after any doctor visits. We discuss birth control early on but obviously did not use any. Mine and her fault. I find all kinds of posts about pregnant women who have been shut out by the father, but can't seem to find any women that have shut out the father. Especially after having a good relationship up until that point. She told me that she had a strong physical attraction to me, but that she has no romantic needs and that she does not want a relationship. We were together romantically after she told me she was pregnant several times, but all of a sudden she has gone very cold and unwilling to talk. Can't figure it out except to back away and give her time. Trying to talk to her just seems to frustrate her and she says that I'm not listening to her.

Can you ask to join her for the doc appointments...the ones when they do the ultrasound? I think that would be very meaningful and appropriate way to start this "new" relationship. If you can accept that she doesn't want to be romantically involved with you then she should accept that you just want to be involved as much as possible as the father of your child. I hope she does not deny you that. Can you forsee taking your child 50% of the time, sharing custody. Do you want to be that involved in your child's life...?

Yes I want to be that involved in my childs life and I am going to try and be involved in the pregnancy and dr. appointments if allowed. I think my best approach is to listen carefully to her needs and just be there when welcome. i really don't want to cause any anxiety, but will pray for some sort of reconciliation between us. Even if it's just a non-traditional parenting relationship. I can only hope that she will open up to me as the pregnancy progresses and this little "thing" as she calls it becomes a baby with a name.

well you sound very kind and patient! wish you the best!

It's funny how a woman, or man at that, can have a " good time " with someone, but when reality knocks on your door, suddenly your not good enough! I wish there was a better solution for you. Why would she choose to not have you in her life?

OMG - I have to warn you... this happened to my husband (sort of)... he had a one night stand with this girl he knew, long story short, she got pregnant... she REFUSES to let my husband see his daughter... his daughter is almost 5 now, he has never met her, never even seen a photo... he's been paying child support for 3 years now.. the woman has moved 5000 miles away from him 2 months ago. he can't even bring her to court to get visitation... as he has no idea where she is.. we've been trying for 3 years now to get a supervised visit and each time we find her, she moves... each time we bring her to court, she moves... now the advice part..... I know you want to do the right thing and that's great... take her to court the second that baby is born... get 50/50 custody, access and guardianship... MAKE SURE you get that... Make sure you DO it... I cannot stress enough... She may not be as evil as my step daughter's mom, but you never know.. We regret letting her have custody when his daughter was born.. We cannot even add his name to the birth certificate... the only thing my husband knows about his daughter is that she likes to read and that she has a dog.. that's it.. please don't make the same mistake.. it sounds like she just wanted a baby and she got it.. unfortunatelly, you will pay for it.. hopefully, you get to be part of baby's life.. i know, this may come across as harsh, but if i can prevent the same thing happening to someone else, it'll be worth saving a child's life.. good luck and keep us posted..

btw - the one night stand was before he met me.. lol.. just had to clarify that.. =)

You sound like a well balanced guy! Are you sure she is shutting you out - or could she be going through a challenging and confusing time, resulting in treating you badly? Presuming it WAS a surprise to her, it would be a very emotional time - especially with all the hormones running amuck... Ultimately, you sound like you have come to terms with the situation: you are both the parents of this child, and you both want to take part in his/her life. The way I see it you have the choice of being mature about it (which you seem to be), and staying friendly with each other through this. As opposed to b___ting heads, causing future disagreements and potential legal action - because you won't let her push you away, will you? I don't think you should "go away for a while" to please her. You want to be a part of this important life-changing process, and you have every right to be! Let her know what you want, and that she has the choice to work with you or against you. Hopefully she knows what's best for her and the kid in the long run.

jarir- thanks for your comments - Update- One of the things that we did together was run. We both belong to a local running group and run a couple of nights during the week. I decided that i was not going to stop that and last week i showed up for the run and she was there. When she saw me she came up and gave me a nice hug and asked how I was. We didn't talk much, but afterward when i was leaving she gave me another hug when I left. I e-mailed her the next day and told her that it was good to see her and she replied that it had been good to see me as well. After several back and forth e-mails she agreed that we should talk after church on Sunday. I think by telling her in the e-mails that I understood how I had threatened her freedom as a single women and how my words and actions after finding out had made her fell trapped that she is opening up some. She is a very independent women with a wide circle of friends. We really had not known each other very long and both got caught up in a teenage like infatuation. Neither of us deny that it felt good at the time, but we have to work together for the best outcome. My hope is that over time we can form some sort of good relationship and I even hold out hope that we can raise this child together, but if not then I am coming to terms with the fact that i can't change her mind and it's not my fault. I accept my100% of the situation and it's up to her to come to terms with her 100%. It's not a 50/50. That just leaves you with the ability to blame someone for part of your mistake. We had also gone to a charity event about 6 weeks ago and I bought tickets to a local concert during the auction. Paid way too much for them but it was for a good cause. I asked her about it and she wants to go. It will be good to get out and have some fun and I will focus on not even talking about this and trying to reconnect as friends. I am committed to doing this right and can only control my side of the equation. My mistake has been to feel bad when she did not respond to my efforts. I think that it was selfish on my part, but I didn't see it clearly until now. Hopefully as the pregnancy progresses she will reach out to me more. I'm still wondering how much her hormones play in this situation. That along with the anxiety she must be feeling could be a powerful b__w. My mistake was not recognizing it earlier and listening more carefully to her. I have talked to a counselor and I would recommend that to anyone with these types of issues. My stubbornness did not allow me to let down my guard until recently. It really is about me understanding and myself and not trying to deflect it at her. I can't control her or change her mind. All i can do is what is right and know that i have done my best.

You sound like a really great guy. I am the stay at home mom of two children. Our daughter will be three in February, and our son is just 4.5 months. Hormones play a huge role as far as mood and how you react to stress, especially in early pregnancy, between 20-27 weeks things even out a bit, only to go whacky again until delivery. The only reason I say 20-27 weeks is better is because you aren't sick anymore (hopefully), and you are pretty comfortable still. After about 27 weeks everything gets a lot harder. It sounds to me as though she is coming around. The first trimester, especially for a first time mom can be awful. You definintely need to take that in to consideration when she reacts unfavorably to you, and cut her some slack. I think you are doing just fine. Give her her space, but not so much that she begins to think you don't care. There can be a very fine line between the two. Take cues from her as to what she needs and wants from you.