 | krc - February 10 |
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Last night I had a dream about my baby's father who died a few months ago. Before I tell you the dream I should say that after his death instead of dealing with the pain I just try to simply not think about him and removed anything in my apartment that remind me of him, pictures in all. It has worked fairly well. I feel normal and when I do think of him it's as if he's just a memory..nothing more. But sometimes, like this past week he's been on my mind almost daily and it's making me want to cry almost everyday. When I was looking for a t-shirt to wear to bed last night I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror and realized I was wearing a shirt he wore all the time. I started to get sad but didn't want to so I started to read a book instead. Well I dreamt I was sitting in a hot tub in the apartment complex I lived in when I was in middle school. Also in the hot tub with me was an old friend & neighbor and my ex boyfriend I was with for 3 years ( we broke up a few months before I met my baby's father ). Well I was mad with him and wasn't paying him attention when I saw my baby's father and his family getting into the pool. He just stared at me the whole time and then finally came and got in the hot tub with me. I immediately put my arms around his waist and held on tight and never let go. He was happy to see me. Then it was strange. He knew the guy was my ex but he also knew I had no feeling for him. Then I asked him how it was in the afterlife. I would say heaven but he wasn't there....it was kind of like an inbetween place, a friendly purgatory. And he was allowed to visit the " realm of the living " once in awhile. He really couldn't explain it. I knew I couldn't stay with him for long but I was thankful for his " visit " . Then I supoose my dreamed meshed into something else. I guess im wondering if his not being here, especially not being with his future child or watching my belly grow is going to get emotionally worse for me. I hope it doesn't. Honestly I hope I meet someone real soon, someone who will want to get married and raise my child as their own. Have any of you lost your baby's father? If soo how did you cope with it, does your child remind you or look like him?
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 | Ed - February 10 |
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You loved this man and the child you're carrying is his legacy. Be proud of that. In the womb your child can feel you being sad and that might influence the child during the pregnancy and even after birth depending on how you deal with this.
Take the time to let this hurt heal and enjoy your life and your child as much as you humanly can. When you are in a good place, you are more likely to meet a good man. Right now you are vulnerable, take your time.
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You gave me shivers...I really commend you for having the child.You are a strong woman and I wish everyone would be as strong as you. Good luck and may you find love and happiness once again . I promise you that!
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That's some dream! I honestly think it's going to get more difficult for you the further along you are in your pregnancy and after the baby is born. Sorry to say that but I know that's how I would be. I think after the babies born you will find joy in the fact that the baby will remind you of him and may resemble him because you will always have his memory threw your child. I've never been in this situation but I think you must grieve before you can truly get over him and his death. In time you will find someone to love you and your child but it will take time, don't rush it. Do you still have contact with his family and are they helping support you through your pregnancy? I wish you the best of luck and I bet your baby will only bring you happy memories of him.
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| krc - February 10 |
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I see his family almost everyday. They live on the way I go home from work. I used to go over there after he died everyday for 2 months. But after new years Im down to once , maybe twice a week. I love his family very much but I just dont feel the need to be there everyday anymore. When we were together he was living there and I'd go over there after work and he'd be there within 30 minutes after me. It's hard to go there because I still look at the clock expecting him to walk in the door all stinky and dirty from work!! LOL But that will never happen again. Also now that im pregnant I enjoy going home now. I take lots of naps too lately. When we were together I was always at his house so for me to be at my home is kinda new to me. Fortunately I haven't been like some of those hormonal women crying for nothing. I have been completely mentally sound. My hormones are in check !! His family definately supports me, plus he had no children so my baby is special to them. He was also their baby son out of 5 kids.
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