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My baby is a couple months old now. I haven't been with the father since the beginning of my pregnancy, though we are very good friends and live together, though separeratly, to make things easier on us with baby duties and so not to miss out on any time with our newborn. So far, its been going very well. We support each other, get along fantastically, and are wonderful parents to our baby. At the time I got pregnant, we were not dating but good friends who hooked up for awhile. After I told him about being pregnant, we did become a couple for a few months. He broke up with me a few months in and I was really crushed, but managed to stay on good terms with him for my sanity and for the sake of our baby's future. Since then, we have "been together" just once and have had a strictly platonic relationship the rest of the time. However, I have to stop lying to myself. I do have strong feelings for him. I made it through the pregnancy sanity wise by telling myself things like "oh, in a few months he'll want to be with me". When that didn't happen, it became "when the baby is born, he'll want us to be a family together". Since that hasnt happened, I tell myself some day it will. But I feel strongly now that he will never see me as more than a friend. He mentioned something tonight about when we start dating others, how we will have to deal with that in the future. I told him I wasn't ready for that converstation. We plan on living together just through the summer. I can't stand to thing about not being with my little boy everyday and not being with my ex every day. I am used to our situation. I don't know if I could say I am in love with him but I do love him very much. Thinking of him with any other girl kills me. But I have a very hard time saying these things to him b/c I start to tear up. I don't want to break down in front of him, not about this. I can't make him have feelings for me like I do for him. I am so crushed because I know I have to face everything I've been denying for so long. When I think of my future, I have no interest in dating unless it is him. I'm relatively realistic; I know that if it really doesn't work out with my ex that I will be with someone else one day, but I see that as very very far into the future. I want to tell him I still have feelings for him but I know he doesn't reciprocate. So I just keep things friendly and light, b/c once I hear those words from him I know I will truly be crushed. I just don't know what to do. I am scared for the future yet so excited b/c of our wonderful son. Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and if so, how did you deal with it? Thanks.
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I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with such an emotionally draining situation. I understand how you feel. I have never been in that exact situation but WAY way back when my dh and I were still dating I was in the same boat as you. We have been togeether since we were 11 so you can imagine all the adolesence drama we went through with each other. It is a pain that at times, seems unbearable. You're absolutely right that loving someone won't make them love you. Unfortunately this is something that you are really going to have to strive and work hard on to get through. Although I don't have an exact solution perhaps these suggestions will help you. You need to re focus and gain a new perspective on things. There was life before him and you will certainly go on with out him. Don't put all of your energy into things that are harmful to you or things that aren't tangible. Be grateful for the gifts you receive every day in life. Your son! The sooner he moves out the easier it will get for you. It may not seem like it, but having him there is is like temptation. Dragging on a bad situation. It's like an alcoholic keeping that last bottle in their cabinet. It's toture. Nothing good can come of it. You can't live everyday of your life ifn fear, and really what you're fearing is yourself. There are so many different types of love and we are such habitual creature s that we attatch ourselves onto ideas and lose sight of the real situation. If you are aiming for happiness you need to make yourself open to it. And may I say that true happiness does not come in any certain form. You need to find it in and around yourself before you expect anything to come of it. Putting your happiness in his hands is not taking responsibilyty for your life. Everything we do and feel is a choice we make whether we would like to admit it or not.
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