Not Totally Single But I Have A Situation
5 Replies
 | SN - May 13 |
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My boyfriend and I are going through a rough time right now, I'm 7 months pregnant and this past month, he's come clean about cheating on me. Actually, I had somewhat caught him in the act, then he came clean. Anyways, I'm very upset and hurt for what he did to me, and it really breaks my heart that he could have done this to me, the woman that loves him so much and is carrying his child. Well, we've talked a lot!!! and I do believe he is sorry for hurting me, but of course I now have trust issues with him. I do want to forgive him and I'm trying to, but I've made it clear to him that he's got to work very hard for that. I've made it crystal clear to him that I cannot be put through this again. Well, the woman he cheated on me with knows all about me, knows I'm pregnant, knows I love him, knows he loves me and so on...the thing is, she won't leave him alone! She called him the other night asking to "spend the night" he told her no way, but she won't stop calling. I'm pretty sure she believes that she's still in a "relationship" with him knowing very well that him and I are trying to work things out. Last night while I was at his house, she called. He didn't answer the phone, but he knew I knew it was her because I saw the number. Then she called back again after the first time, he eventually unplugged the phone. I got sad and told him that I really want to forgive him, I want to be with him and that I'm very scared that he'll be unfaithful with me again. (Keep in mind, everything happened less than a few weeks ago, so it's all still very fresh) He told me not to worry but he said something that kind of bothered me, he said "Hey, don't be worried, look who's laying in bed with me right now" Yeah, but I'm afraid that next time it won't be me, it'll be her. I can't be blamed for not having any trust and having a hard time believing. A huge part of me believes that he does want to clean this mess up and be faithful to me, we've talked a lot, we've cried and soforth...The thing is, I dont' understand this other girl. Why is she still sticking around? She has talked horrible about me to him and says that my love for him is just an obsession. I honestly believe she's jealous, no doubt at all, but why can't she just try to atleast move on? knowing that him and I are going to start our family soon. I'm mad at my boyfriend for creating this, but I'm also mad at this girl for still trying to push it. I told her that I won't be going anywhere, that I'll be in his life forever, whether him and I are together or apart because we have a child together, but she won't back off....She frustrates me to no end.
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Trust is a huge thing to rebuild and I am sorry for your situation. I would suggest that the next time the girl calls, you answer the telephone and let her know that you and him for that matter, do not want her calling and that he wants nothing to do with her. Also, it has been my learnings, by not putting too much trust in a cheater. Did he cheat more than once with this girl? Do you have a gut feeling that he will do it again? Is he just saying what will appease you? Be careful about having your feelings hurt, and you need to be the one calling the shots.....you deal with the girl if he is unable to. Good Luck.
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| SN - May 13 |
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Thanks...He was in a relationship with her, whether or not he's still in a relationship with her, like giving her hope, I don't know. But a part of me believes so. I believe he hasn't said anything to her to make her think or believe that it's over between the two of them. I'm afraid that he's saying what she wants to hear and telling me what I want to hear. I really hope not, but I'm not sure. As for picking up the phone and saying that, he would go ballistic. Not just because it's her, but if it was anyone that called and I picked up the phone. He just has this thing with people answering his phone, he says it's absolutly rude. I've already tried to deal with the girl. Well, I spoke with her and told her everything about him and I being together. Nothing seems to help, I feel powerless, I'm afraid that I'm just going to have to walk away.
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| Ce - May 20 |
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I really think that he is not taking care of the situation the way he should be. First of all HE was the one who cheated not YOU! So he should be doing everything he can to get it across this other girls mind that he is taken. and that whatever happened between the two of them is now over. You should not have to be the one to tell her to back off all the time, you are pregnant, and the last thing you need is that kind of stress. When a guy does not let you answer his phone, that should give you a hint on whether to trust him or not. I mean come on........you guys are about to start a family and your carrying his baby. Not only should you be answering the phone, but you should have your voice on the answering service also, unless he has something to hide. Like the fact that he is envolved with someone. Who knows, he might be even telling the other girl that you are the one who keeps him from answering the phone and that you unplugged the phone. Trust your instincts.
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You can't blame her. He is obviously giving her reason to call. If he made it clear to her to stop calling, she would stop. He hasn't done that. I've been in her shoes before. Where a guy had me thinking that him and his girl weren't working things out and I kept being with him because he had me believing they were about to end things. He is probably filling her head up with stuff about you making her think that he is only with you because of the baby. So she thinks she has a good reason to hold on to him. Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds, which most of the time, they do. If I were you, I'd tell him when she stops calling, THEN you and him can work things out. Until then, she can have him. Let him be with her. Don't make this into a compet_tion thing between you and her. If he really wanted to be with you and he was REALLY done with her, trust me, she would NOT be calling. He's a man, he knows how to get rid of a woman. What? Is he scared of her? Its HIM, not her.
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| SN - May 20 |
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You guys are all absolutly right. Slowly but surely, my eyes are being opened. I need to just leave.
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