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You say that YOU want to try and work things out so everyone can be a family, but what about him? It seems like HIS plans are to stir up some old things from his past. Have you made it very clear with each other about your plans as a couple for the future? If you have, he is being very dishonorable by not matching his words with his actions. You cannot forget what he did and you SHOULD not either. Just because you were dating for only three months does not give him the excuse to do this. He is looking for a distraction, looking for an "easy out" of this relationship by talking with his non-pregnant (im a__suming) ex and whether you were dating for three months, twelve months or no months, you need to be upfront that this is NOT ok. I personally say my advice to you would be to have this little talk with him, kick him to the curb and let him think about what hes done. It won't be so hard to do it alone, I have for 7 months now. And keep in mind, you doing so will not make you "lose" him, it will only set healthy boundaries for your future family...if there is to be one. After all, if he IS going to stay gone after you give him this ultimatum, he would have left eventually anyway. Hope this wasn't too harsh, but helpful. Its coming from a loving, honest and experienced place.

stephie im really sorry to hear about what your rotten boyfriend has been doing to you. i know its hard to hear but the reality is that you will NEVER forget what he has done/is doing to you. trust is something that is so important that when it is broken that is literally it, its broken. even if he said its out of character for him (all cheats say similar things to this by the way, they all think they are deep down a 'good guy') the facts speak for themselves, he has done this at a time where you are so vulnerable and he can 'get away with it' because you are so vulnerable and all you will want is to be with him, however much he goes behind your back. its a horrible situation he has put you in and i believe that in most cases women will just put up with an unloyal man simply because they are pregnant or have a child/children together. remember to look at the facts here, one of them being that you and your baby deserve better than a lying boyfriend/father. men often find it easier to 'use' their ex's when they want to cheat, because like most women, their ex's tend to have attachments to them as well. life has given you this lesson to let you learn about this guy, don't waste it.

The man is weak, and the woman a b___h, but you can fight back! There is nothing as s_xy to a man as a woman pregnant with his child. Insist on ma__sage, have him listen to the heartbeat, make sure he is in the delivery room, give some memorable s_x. As a last resort, make your rival your friend. She will back off. Good luck!

i think grandpa's advice is no good in this situation. why would you want to 'woo' this cheating rat back? he is obviously not worth is and you deserve MUCH better than that. obviously not all guys find their pregnant partners a turn on, otherwise they would not cheat. and there are some girls out there who do not care if a guy is taken as if its who she wants, one way or another she will get him in the end. stephie the most important thing is not to give him s_x and suc_mb to being cheated on and treated like dirt, but to actually get strong, learn to love yourself and put you and your baby before this horrible excuse for a man.

Yeah I'm not quite understanding why Grandpa Viv thinks YOU are the one who needs to be reaching out here. He is the one who misplaced your trust at a very inconvenient time at that. I'm just going to copy and paste my previous advice in hopes that repet_tion will help show you the way a little bit : ) I personally say my advice to you would be to have this little talk with him, kick him to the curb and let him think about what hes done. It won't be so hard to do it alone, I have for 7 months now. And keep in mind, you doing so will not make you "lose" him, it will only set healthy boundaries for your future family...if there is to be one. After all, if he IS going to stay gone after you give him this ultimatum, he would have left eventually anyway.

Stephie was asking how to build the trust back, not how to reconcile herself to the loss. We do not know that the boyfriend has cheated s_xually, only that the ex is trying to divert him. Everyone tells her this is out of character for him. I understand how upset she feels about the devlopment, but there seems to be a fighting chance to keep this relationship intact.

grandpa viv stephie was asking for people's advice on the situation, whether she wants to build the trust back or not is entirely her decision. the facts however speak for themselves and it was the facts i used upon which i based my view of the matter. i personally do not believe she should be running after this kind of guy, no we do not know if he cheated on her s_xually (but then it doesnt take a rocket scientist to get a fair idea of what cheater's intentions tend to be, and its not 'shall we have a coffee and walk in the park'). i found the comment you made to be pretty useless, but then we are all different. the way i viewed it was that you were trying to tell her to 'fight' for him, a guy who has obviously misplaced her trust to such an extent that she is in turmoil over it. why would 'fighting' for a guy who gives her little respect get her anywhere, in short - it won't. he will view her as weak and use her over and over again until she wakes up and uses her inner strength to leave him. i have known several men who have cheated on their partners and nobody would suspect them to be the 'cheating kind'. every cheater is different, they do not go about things the same way nor act in the same way. if i was to bet i would say that he probably has been intimate with this other woman, a guy sending dirty messages and photos is a fair hint that he is after one thing! the best thing stephie can do is take time out for herself and to discover the truth, not to try and woo him back into bed or 'fight' for him.

Cat, my interpretation of " I want to try and work things out so we can be a family " is that Stephie wants to work things out. The words "receiving some .... naughty.... pictures of her" do not suggest that he has been sending pictures. I accept that "ex-girlfriend" suggests that he has been intimate with the woman in the past, but it is a jump to a__sume that is continuing presently. Usually when a relationship breaks up it is because there are differences that cannot be overcome, and that relationship is not a serious threat to the new one. There is a baby involved in this scenario, a baby who will probably be better off in a two-parent household. We need to hold on to that hope as long as possible. "Cheating" is not always the catastrophe young lovers think it to be. Hillary Clinton survived it, half the marriages in this country end up in divorce as a result of it, and half of the rest encounter it and live with it. I continue to hope that Stephie can talk this out with her man and get things back on track.

I think you have an insightful view to this problem, grandpa viv. I too believe marriages or relationships need to be worked on. You dont just throw in the the towel when something goes wrong(because it does someway or another). I think steph should talk things out with her boyfriend, try to get to the root of the problem...and see what comes of it. Only after trying and not being able to salvage things is when one should give up.

i do agree with you melissa that whenever possible its always best to try and sort things out. however when i think its something as serious as breaking your trust, in most cases that can never be talked through or sorted out, because its down to the mindset of the other person. in short some people can't be changed and if you want to change them then whats the point being with them. at the end of the day if the person you love treats you in such a disrespectful manner and breaks your trust, then its usually a sign that it wasnt meant to be.

grandpa viv i have to disagree with your views on this. a guy receiving dirty pictures of an ex gf speaks volumes! i mean i think we can all realistically imagine what he is sending back, and its most probably something s_xual. the fact it is an ex gf also says a lot, i.e. the fact that you get a lot of daft ex gf's who will 'give in' and sleep with them in an attempt to 'rekindle their love'. i could bet my house that this guy has been intimate with her, more intimate than just the pictures that are being exchanged. if he is not then i do believe it is rather strange that he is accepting such messages and not putting a stop to it. yes many marriages stay together after one partner has cheated but to me that doesnt signal a healthy marriage, but rather one of mistrust and lies. i believe most of these marriages stay together either because of religious 'shame' reasons or monitory reasons, even political reasons such as Hilary Clinton! it doesnt make it healthy just because they stay together. of course 2 parents being there is seen as hypothetically 'ideal' but only where they have a strong happy relationship and therefore are not inflicting any negativity on their child. at the end of the day stephie will make her own choice, it does sound like she will stay with him because she is pregnant, but in my opinion she should not have to put up with someone who doesnt love her and mistreats her trust.