Really Screwed

7 Replies
ava - June 2

I am 26 weeks preg. and 18. when i found out that i was preg. me and my boyfriend had just broke up because i had cheated(very bad night and lots of alchohal) Now i'm stuck because, as bad as this sounds , i'm not sure who the father is! This is not me and this was the first time i've ever cheated and of course i got preg. Well now the ex wants nothing at all to do with me or my little man on the way and the other IDIOT is claiming to fight me for full custody! I don't know how i got myself in this situation(well, actually i do lol) But now i'm getting closer to having my baby and i'm scared for the outcome. The Ex lives in LA where until a few weeks ago i lived and the IDIOT is all the way in Alaska. I'm really in a messed up situation and i'm scared!! I want the best for me and my baby and i want him to come out, but then again i dread the day cause then all the bullshit starts. I feel like such a bad mom for not wanting him to come out yet and not knowing who the father is!! I just really need someone to talk too!! I'm also not sure how to go about doing the paternity test?

 

Aisha - June 2

O I feel your pain totally...lol...Im in a kinda similar situation in that Im pregnant for someone that is convinced that he is sterile(cough cough so he says) so he asked for a paternt_ty test when the babys born in this very male way...well the thing is hes the only candidate and when the test is done then hes going to be legally the father and be legally obliged to pay child support. This is how it will work. You can go to the Child Support Enforcement (CSE) in your state and ask them to help you seek child support. What they will do is take all the information you have and administer a test on the likly father. some states will test both men in the same time period. Other states will only test the most LIKLEY candidate before they test others. Once the father is confirmed he will be legally the father of the child. Dont feel bad. At this point Id rather have a test to confirm for this knucklehead that hes the father than to waste years where he throws it in my face. My ex husband did that to me after we split up and the kids are the living image of him ! Also I have a sister that didnt try to do a paternity test for her daughter for whom there was doubt and I always think that this will end up biting her on the b___t because these things do have a way of coming back to haunt you. So go to your local WIC office or Public Aid office of CSE office and ask them what to do. Its pretty simple..just a cheek swab for the most part and you wont have to fret anymore.

 

April - June 2

Aisha's right... paternity tests are pretty simple to get, and are definately worth it in certain situations. You can also call Domestic Relations (which might be the CSE Aisha was talking about) They will handle child support and paternity issues. Also.. for the guy claiming that he's going to take you for full custody... BS... I don't know ANY judge who would take a newborn baby away from it's mother UNLESS she is unfit. So just don't do anything that could prove you legally unfit, and you have nothing to worry about there. Most fathers won't even be allowed an overnight until the child is several months old. Let alone full custody. Also, the judges tend to give custody to the parent the child is most bonded with.. and in a newborn baby.. that parent is obviously the mother. Some guys make me laugh.. I swear. Either way, just don't worry about all that right now... take care of yourself and your baby boy and worry about after he's born.. you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders (and everyone makes mistakes) so just don't worry about it for now... everything will work out...

 

bean - June 3

Also - has this guy from Alaska done anything for you or the baby? Like - has he visited? Called and asked how you're feeling? Sent baby gifts? Either way - keep a journal so that should it go to court, you can say I was with the baby for 9 months while pregnant and Mr. Alaska didn't so much as CALL. Make sure you're seeing your doctor regularly and taking care of yourself. That's what's most important right now. Good luck!

 

P - June 3

In addition to the other comments; I live in Canada and the only way you can remove the child to live in another province is with a) permission from the other parent or b) full custody. The only way a father could get full custody up here is if the mother was considered completely unfit. A friend of mine is currently going through a very ugly divorce from a woman who is a complete nutcase and he is still waiting for the decision (almost a month now) on whether he will get full custody. The mother moved the child from Ontario to Quebec without the fathers permission, ignored court orders, tried to have him charged with s_xual abuse, would not produce the child for his court ordered visitation (he hasn't seen his daughter in five months-she's 3) and has been messing with the little girls head and they're still trying to decide if he should get custody. Believe me, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

ava - June 3

you see it's difficult because my ex doesn't want anything to do with me and the baby and he is the one i know the baby's for. It's just you can never be 100%. But odd's are the baby's his and the guy from alaska calls every other day and ask's me how i'm doing! It's so messed up. I mean i know he won't get full custody but i do want my child to have a dad especially being that it's a boy! I worry about raising a boy on my own.

 

ava - June 3

also i was wondering about the last name. Since it's a boy does he have to have his fathers last name?

 

P - June 3

Your baby gets whatever name you give him. I would recommend that he have your last name. If things change his last name can always be changed.

 

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