SHOULD I ABORT MY 3RD PREGNANCY
3 Replies
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Well 1st off I have to let you know this is a crazy story!!! I am not condoning my behavior but please understand I never intended to ruin a "family" I was just overwhelmed with the goodness this man brought into me & my children's lives!! I am 26 yrs old and a single mom of a 11 yr old girl & 7 yr old boy both from a previous marriage & same father. I have been doing "it" on my own since 2002. I struggle but manage at this point and to be honest I am in no financial situation to be having another child especially considering these damn gas prices(man!!) Yes, I am pregnant with My 3rd child. I am about 6weeks long. I am excited but miserable all at the same time, let me explain: I am in love with a married man! He is everything I ever imagined I wanted in a man. He treats my kids good, plays with them, makes them laugh and is the man to honestly take my breath away! He respects me, wines & dines me tells me he loves me BUT he is married. I will not get into detail about his wife but she is away in prison until June 2009 for something she got involved in and backfired on her. Basically I am the woman that is physically here for him. They have a 4year old daughter that lives in Mexico with her mother. He goes to visit his daughter every other weekend. He has given me this "hope that we have a future together. He told me that he was married but unhappy and he honestly didn't see his future with her. That the only reason he is sticking around is he can not leave her side in her times of need. He admitted that the only reason he married her was because a lawyer advised him it was best for her case considering she is not an American citizen. He and I were inseparable all up until I told him "I'm pregnant"! All of a sudden he loves his wife, doesn't want to lose his daughter/family and everything is all up to me because "I hold the key to his future" NOW he is saying that he just can't leave her side and when she is released he will be there waiting and I need to have an abortion because it's not fair to the baby that he/she will not ever no his/her father. After all these hurtful words; I agreed to meet with him at a restaurant which was beautiful!! He told me that he wants to be there for me since i declined to abort but once she comes home he has to walk away from me??? HELP!!!! I am so emotionally drained & confused. I have no family support and I no I can't afford it. I want the baby because to be honest I can not except the fact that I aborted when I just knew what I was doing & I am in love with this man BUT at the same time I am going to struggle & lose friends over this decision......
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WOW, well, you have quite a decision to make and unfortunately you don't have family for support. I know this may sound harsh, but it sounds like he was feeding you a bunch of b/s he knew you wanted to hear-he wants someone to pa__s the time with until his wife gets out of the big house!!! I have been fed that same b/s and I fell for it, he wasn't married, but all the same, he was quite the smooth talker and I thought we were going to end up together for life, until I discovered I was preggers. Some men just know what women like to hear and it's unfortunate that he involved your children also. He should not make you try and decide between having the baby and aborting. He just does not want to pay child support and have it come out that he was cheating on his wife and now "the other woman" is having his baby. Now he is trying to cover his bases and doesn't sound very concerned for your well being. No one can make the decision for you, but YOU. If you don't think you can financially afford another baby, please consider adoption. There are so many couples out there struggling to have a baby that would be more than willing to give your little one a good home. I am not certain, but I also think in the US, open adoptions are the norm, so you could still have certain contact with your child. I would also advise you to seek the support of a religous figure in your area or someone at planned parenthood, they could help "guide" you in your decision, but please don't base your decision on this man----he is not worth your mental state or your baby's life!!! Oh, just a quick question, if his wife is in prison, how can the daughter be living with her? I really do wish you the best of luck and hope you find a person to share your life with that respects and loves you AND your children, and not just at his own convenience. Do not let this man intimidate you or sweet talk you anymore----you are stronger than this, you have been raising children as a single parent, which proves just how strong you really are!!!!! Have confidence in yourself and make your decision based on you and no one else! God bless!
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It sounds like he is just being selfish. However, I have a similar decision to make as I am pregnant with my third and in no financial positon to have a third. Me and my b/f have 2 kids age 3 and 5. We are just barely sc___peing by receiving no a__sistance of any kind because we're over the income limit. We can't afford a third but just found out I'm pregnant yesterday/
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well first of all this guy doesnt love or respect you at all and i think the hardest thing you will have to do is to try and come to terms with that. he basically wanted to have his cake and eat it. he told you what you wanted to hear at the time and then no doubt told his wife the same thing. the rubbish about him only marrying her for the court case, i honestly dont know of any guy who would marry a woman because a lawyer told him to - men are scared to death of commitment at the best of times so when i read that bit i thought 'instant liar' straight away. he is wrong to have fed you all these lies (isnt it true that they always come out with stuff about how their wife doesnt understand them or is a real 'nutcase') - all used to sweep you into their arms so they can use you for as long as they need. you need to cut off contact with this man emotionally. let him know that you will let him be there for the baby, but make it clear that you will not be taking him back, otherwise he will just continue to mess with his head the next time he decides his wife is the woman he really wants. you have brought up 2 children successfully already so try to be positive about this baby. good luck!
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