Should I Give in - Pregnancy-Info

Should I Give In

4 Replies

OK here is my situation me and my boyfriend have know each other for almost 2 years and have been going out for about a year and a half. Well to cut to the point im 18 weeks pregnant with our child and we are trying to work things out so the baby can get everything it needs to live. So far that has been the easy part some women that i work with are done having kids so i already have a car seat, stroller, crib and everything for it, a folding play pen thing, and a rocker bouncer. So we dont really have big things that we need for the baby. But he wants to move out, as much as i would like to move out we just cant afford it. We both are full time students and i only work part time, sadly he just lost his job (Long story to that). He is in such a big rush saying in order for us to be a family we have to move out together whether we can make it or not. I just cant do that im not going to have me or our child suffer because we had to jump and move out to be a "family". The worst part is he kinda threatens me he will say something like well i wont be able to help raise the baby if we dont move out or i wont be part of the childs life if you stay at home, the baby is going to call your dad "dad", or if you stay at home your parents are going to raise our child. These things just hurt me so much and when i tell him that he says well how do you think i feel not being able to live with the two people i love most. He just wont listen when i tell him to just wait till we have all of the bills paid off and have some things needed for moving out, am i crazy or wrong for wanting to get my finances together before moving out if we can afford it!!

EricaG - January 31

You never specified wether you are living together at your parents house or if you are living at different houses. I'm going to a__sume that you live in different houses. That's a very tough situation. I see things from your point of view. You're saying "we can't aford to move in together and have our own place. period, end of story!" Very logical...but life isn't all logic. I agree that you two shouldn't move out and get a place of your own. But I have a feeling from the things that you say he's said to you, that he's scared. I think he's afraid that if the baby doesn't live with him it won't a__sociate him with "daddy" and that he won't be able to be a "real dad". I can understand the fear of just being a visitor in your child's life. And you also need to recognize that fear. How would you like it if after the baby was born, he took it and had it at his parents house and you weren't there all the time? So my suggestion is that he either move in with you at your parents or vice versa, of course... the rents have to agree with this.

Dont want to - January 31

see i dont think either of our parents would agree to that. There is no room at my parents house for him to stay for a long time. I told him that most likely if we still live with our parents when the baby is born that he will probably be spending most of his time at my parents house with me and the baby. His answer to that nope i will be busy with work and want to relax, lol who said anyone with a new baby gets to relax.

falafal0 - January 31

Well, it seems to me that you are young, but also sensible. It also sounds like your boyfriend really wants to be part of his baby's life and make a family of his own? Have you both sat down together and gone through your combined incomes and realised how much it will cost to live by yourselves? And then the expenses after the baby is born? Maybe he can get another job first, then go from there. It's so difficult, I can only imagine the turmopil you are going through while pregnant as well. Have you asked how he would feel if you both mvoed out together but after awhile simply couldn't do it, and had to move back with your parents (wether togther or separately? He might rethink your position. Coming back after trying to make by yourselves might make him not want to move out until things are more financially stable. You know, the male version of 'failing' is a strong motivator! But then again, as EricaG stated, maybe he feels like he is failing you now by not having your own place. Either way, if you guys can't afford, he simply has to accept it. Good luck.

April - February 2

You know what... I think you've got the right idea. I would do what is BEST for your baby. Since it sounds like you're not exactly financially stable at the moment, I actually think it would be best for you to stay with your parents until both you and your boyfriend get back on your feet. Plus, with your parents, not only will you be providing your child with a healthy, stable environment, but your parents can help you adjust to being a parent. The first 3 months REALLY ARE the hardest. I live with my mom and I don't know how I could've done it without her. The things your boyfriend threatens you with are just plain rediculous. He will always be a part of your child's life IF he puts in the EFFORT. Your child won't call your dad "dad" unless you teach it to. (We call my mom and stepdad "grandma" and "grandpa" around my baby.. and they call me "mom") Your parents aren't going to be the one raising your child.. but they will help.. which you are GOING to need... haha. People can raise a child without their parent's help, of course, but in my opinion it's better to have their help than not.. and what's more convenient than living with them? I really think you've got the right mindset.. wanting to wait until your finances are in order before you move out. Maybe you should tell him that this is about what's BEST for the baby and not what HE wants. Also, finincial troubles can put a LOT of stress on a couple... and so can a new baby... you two have a much better chance of staying together through this if you just get on your feet first and THEN move out. It'll be good motivation for him since he wants to be with you so bad.

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