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Hello.
Well im due in a week (april 11th 06). Im going to be a single mother. Well when i found out i was pregnant the father of my baby left me denying its his and what not. But now latley he has been commin around saying the he wants to be there but doesnt say it like hes happy about it. Im not sure if hes just saying that cause its what i wanna hear or what. I have currently been dating someone new for 8 months and he wants to help out with the baby. But the guy im seeing now doesnt understand why i would want the father of my baby in my kids life because of how he left. But i grew up without a father and i dont want me baby to have too! I dunno im just scared that im not going to be able to give my baby what it needs or if im going to be a good mother or nething. Anyone else have this situation or any advice?
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Creating a child does not make a man a man/father. Taking responsibility, caring, raising that child does. I understand you were not raised by your own father, but it does not mean that your child needs to be raised by his own biological father. You never know why he all of a sudden came around and is asking about the baby. Like you said, it could be just because "it's something you want to hear" or "people are telling him it's the right thing to do." The right thing to do is something that he has to figure out on his own and not something that anyone can tell him to do. Get me? I'm not saying keep the baby away from him, but be weary and don't get your hopes up high. The number one person that this child will need is you..mommy. Because regardless, anyone can be a temporary father and leave. I'm glad to hear your current boyfriend wants to take on responsibility. It can be rea__suring for you and supporting. His view on why you would want your X back in your life is understandable, however. He just wants to protect you and the baby from getting hurt anymore than you already have. That's great. As for the biological father though, he can be there...without force though. Let him look for you, ask about the baby, do things for the baby. Don't remind him of what he should be doing. If he truly wants responsibility, he will a__sume it. Continue your relationship with your current boyfriend. Don't be scared. There are plenty of single mothers in the world that do SUPERB jobs. The fact that you're worrying now about the situation shows you already ARE a good mother...because you want the best for you baby.
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I'm sure you'll be a good mother and it sounds like you're dating a really good guy. HOWEVER... no matter how the dad left you... he still deserves to see his baby, and his baby deserves to see him. Not only do they deserve to see each other, but it's their legal right. You really have no choice on whether the father gets to see his child or not. Also, it'd look better for you should this ever go to court if you let the father see his baby. If I were you, after your baby is born I would offer a stepped-up visitation plan to the biological father. Have him come to your home 3 days a week for a few hours each visit and then gradually work up to him being able to take him out of your home. Then eventually overnights. BUT... do NOT let the father take the baby ANYWHERE without you until you have custody established with the courts. Otherwise.. the father could take the baby and not bring him/her back and there isn't anything you can do about it. So that's just a safety procaution. Don't worry about being a good mom though... these things really do come naturally. Just take all the help you can get from your family and friends, listen to good advice, and most importantly... LOVE that baby more than anything else in the world (which won't be hard).
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