What Should I Do-pg116518306688
8 Replies
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My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years. We broke up in Feb. 2006 due to a series of unfortunate events. After we both relocated to my home state, he decided he did not want to work because it interfered too much with school (He is a full time college student). As an educated woman, who worked two jobs and an internship while in Grad school, I could not understand this. He then lost his car and got behind in bills from not working. It led to lots of frustration and his lack of communication made it even worse, because I wanted to see how we could work that out. It soon became school and video games and no quality tie. It became too intolerable and we ended it. As much as I loved him, I cannot tolerate a man who is not strong and willing to go the distance to reach his goals no matter what the circ_mstances and at the same time take care of home. This past august I found out I was pregnant and was very excited. By this time we were broken up but remained friends, and he was set to move back to his home state two weeks before I found out. When I told him there was no reaction. We talked and decided to try our best to work things out, and I told him that if he came back he would have to work, no ifs ands or buts. He agreed because he takes fatherhood seriously, or so I thought. He has lots of free time when not studying, and he spends it playing video games. He shows no affection for me and no concern for his unborn child. He never asks how I am feeling or how the baby is doing. Now he sleeps on the couch because "I toss and turn too much"
The last straw was that he didnt want to have dinner with my family on thanksgiving. I dont need to read between the lines to know that he is completely uninterested in this exerience, and that hurts. I come from a very large and loving family, and I will not have my child raised in a house full of drama and unhappiness, as this whole thing weighs on me. I thought given the circ_mstances we should try to work things out, but I am now prepared to tell him he must move out. Am I doing the right thing by asking him to leave?
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it sounds to me like he is very immature. i think that it would be a good thing to tell him to move out. it seems like he cares more about video games than he does you and the baby. if he is uninterested now it will be the same or worse after the baby is born. he should want to work right now so that you wont have to work so hard to pay everything. i think that you are doing the right thing. good luck.
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You kicked him out the first time for good reasons. And he has yet to prove himself even now that you are pregnant. I think you would be better off by yourself at this point. You don't need drama and unhappiness.Pregnancy is supposed to be a wonderful time and this man is tainting it. Give him the boot and tell him you want to remain on good terms for the baby's sake. You are definetley doing the right thing! He is not the man for you.
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you would be doing the wrong thing if you didn't ask him to leave. don't lower your expectations or standards due to situation. the most important thing is that you are happy because when you are happy so is that baby. you sound like a strong woman who will make the right decision. good luck.
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What do you think?? I mean really. You are obviously an intelligent woman. I have asked similar questions because I know the right answer but don't want to listen for whatever reason--maybe lonliness or fear. As you said, you want a man that will do what it takes no matter what and won't be lazy. Are you being lazy or are you doing what it takes? Ask yourself another question...will he be of any benefit to you during your pregnancy and beyond. I am really not trying to sound like a biotch. But smart woman need to stop acting like we need a man. Do what is right by you and your baby. God bless.
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I am going through a simlar situation...except my partner moved back in with his parents. All he does is play video games and goes to school. He never ask about the baby. When I finally break down and tell him something he is like...ok keep me informed. I know how you feel...you want him invovled so bad and it hurts so much that he isn't. I also come from a very close nit family that welcomed him in. His family is cold and distant. He loved everything about me and my family....until I got pregnant that is. Now it seems everything he does is to hurt me. I know I told him I couldn't get pregnant...so for a month he called me "lier"...ie my name. But it is a freak'n mircle that I couldn't kill. So now he feels its his right to torture me because I loved my baby and wont get rid of him/her.
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Scorpio Empress, you are definitely on point and I have asked him to leave, which he reluctantly agreed. He is now searching for work but that will not bring us back together. He claims that now he has to go back home to find decent work before baby comes. Had he searched 6 months ago that would not have been a problem. When I moved to his hometown I took me 4 months to find work in my field, so I worked temp jobs to make sure our living expenses were covered. Since moving here he has not really worked. He claims school and work is too much, but I guess school and video games is better, how sad. I thank God for my family because they have always been there and are more excited about the baby than I am. We will be fine regardless. If its one thing I’ve learned, you live with the choices you make. I have 3 more months of pregnancy to enjoy. I know that I have made the best choice in the interest of my child. Hopefully daddy will wise up, but I have to press on.
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Lier, we are in the same boat. My strength and faith keeps me going. God does not take you through something without bringing you out on top. I already know I will be a great mom with or without the baggage. You have to be strong and do what’s right for baby. My decisions no longer affect only me that is the whole point. If a man makes decisions for himself with no regard for his unborn child, family and/or loved ones, he was pretty much born selfish. I would never choose school over preparing for my child, but I would attempt to make both work at that same time. If it is too much, then school is put on hold, temporarily. That’s what you call rational thinking. Baby will always be first.
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I agree that he sounds very immature, i would be interested to know how old he is? I am also dealing with someone who is emotionally detached from what I am experiencing when pregnant. I know the heartache of him not caring how you feel and what is going on with your body when you are carrying his child. I am also at a loss as to what to do. How many conversations have you had with him about his lack of interest and what it means? And what does he say? I don't know if you have tried to talk to him, or if you are just letting it go as it is. I would recommend trying to resolve it first, and that way if you decide to end it, you will know that you did all in your power to make things work.....and that is all you can do.....the rest is up to him. Best of luck to you....you sound like a smart woman with a very good family....you'll be fine.
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