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I was with the father of my unborn child for over a year and within that time had two miscarrages by him. the last one was right before christmas. the night I told him he broke up with me. next, that following week found out he was interested in another girl and was happy about the miscarrage. we stayed sepparated for about a month. I got back on birth control and we ended up back together for about two weeks. broke up again. stay'd friends and that led to "friend with benifits" I got pregnant while on birth control and concived on feb 29. At first he wanted nothing to do with me or the child to be. And he still cant decide. Hes came to one doc. appt. and I told my doc the situation before he came into the room and she said that she would go ahead with the U/S just to see if it would set off a spark in him. I thought it would but it hasn't. Im so stupid, Im still seeing him for the s_x once inawhile, thats it.At least I know hes clean. No Aids or Std's. hes been check and also again recently. I moving out of state at the end of the month so at least he'll be out of my life and I can get over him completly. Its really hard when you think you know someone and the two of you have shared so much. you really love them and they turn out to be garbage even when you think you've finnally got a good one.

First of all I have to say I do feel for all of you women that are in this situation being pregnant and having the father tell you he wants nothing to do with you or the baby. For me, the situation is a little different and I'd like some advice if anyone would please take the time to read this. I'm married to a man that had a one night stand with a girl and she got pregnant. He told her right from day 1 that he didn't want to be in her life or the baby's life and that it would be best to put the baby up for adoption so it could have a chance at a good life with 2 parents. I believe he was trying to do the responsible thing for the baby. If the mother wants to have an abortion or go the adoption way, she can do that whether the father wants that or not, why don't fathers have rights? Anyway, she knew she was alone and could've done something but claimed it was ok and that he would never hear from her again. Well, now that he's moved on with his life and we're married, etc., she has moved into the town we live in and serving us with maintenance papers and everything. He has never ever seen this kid and never ever wants to see this kid, ever. He wants nothing to do with him. If it was different circ_mstances, he's a great guy and I know he'd love the child. But because she's doing this out of spite because I'm in his life now, I don't think it's fair. She knew she was going to be a single mother right from day 1 and she made the choice to keep it on her own. Where do the fathers rights come in? She told him she was on birth control, but wasn't. Now he has this child he never wants to see or take or whatever like most fathers, what can he do? Is there anything we can do to get her and this baby out of our lives? I know this sounds horrible, I have 2 children from a previous marriage that are everything to me and my new husband, but this is something he wants and I'm just trying to help and be supportive. Please help, what do we do?

Bambi - I empathize with your situation, but don't know that this is the forum for you if you are looking for support. Most of us are looking for support from one another because we've been left "stuck" with the decisions after the man - who now matter how you slice it has responsibility - decides to bail. As a person who has had to make the choice of abortion, adoption or keep (I'm choosing keep), I can tell you that it is excrutiating, but you have to go with what you can live with. Yes, it's crummy that this woman said she was on the pill and wasn't, but when a man has a one-night stand (or sleeps with a woman in any circ_mstance), he is making a choice and taking a risk. At the very least, a risk for an STD if he was sleeping with someone unknown without a condom. And, as this case proves, the risk of pregnancy. So, as miserable as your situation sounds, I think that your husband is hurting his child by "refusing" to acknowledge his or her existence. This poor baby may end up feeling unloved or unwanted for years because of the poor way in which his/her parents chose to handle the situation. I say that he should do whatever it is that will be in the best interest of the child. And it sounds like the kid could use a sane, responsible parent in this equation based on your description of the mother. Forget about which parent "wins" this argument. At this rate, both lose and so does the child. God has a way of making things work out, and making them understandable over time. Who knows, this kid could be an amazing enhancement to your husband's life, your life, and your own children's lives if you give it a chance. That's my two cents, anyways.

Thank you for responding. You know, you're right in a lot of ways. I guess it's just hard because I'm sitting here seeing how miserable it's making him and I realize now since writing this this morning and after talking to a good friend that things will happen how they happen no matter what we do. I guess I'm being kinda selfish in a way as well because I just want the situation to go away. I'm sure my husband is feeling stupid for making such a big mistake and will have to live with that, but as far as him wanting to see this child, he has no desire. I'm sorry for the women that don't have fathers for their children. I apologize for interupting your chat as now I guess things aren't so bad afterall and I will just contintue to be supportive however I can and just pray things will have a way of working themselves out. Thank you. :)

Bambi - You are welcome. And I wish you the best. I definitely know what it is to wish circ_mstances were different and that tough life issues would somehow just melt away. I never ever thought that, as a 35-year-old Christian, college-educated professional woman (involved with a man with similar background for more than a year), that my first pregnancy (which I'm in the midst of right now) would be a) totally unexpected; nor b) result in such dramatic results (boyfriend demanded abortion, then left, then came back pleading for forgiveness and wanted to build a life as a couple and a family, then bailed out again with very little explanation -- all in the course of 18 weeks). I just keep asking God to help me relax and be calm for the sake of this baby, and to help me keep the faith that there is a larger plan in place that I will ultimately understand. What else can we do, really? Good luck, and hopefully you and your husband will be able to embrace the situation and this baby as time unfolds.

i say that you don't sign anything because if he ain't gonna be with you he can help you with clothes or diapers....you kno?....but hang in there mama and be strong for your baby.

I don't understand men. Thank goodness I don't! Whether it is some biological excuse or psychological, I don't understand how someone can help create a little person inside you and then demand you to kill it. I can't even kill bugs, let alone a being completely dependent on me! I am fourteen weeks pregnant and my coward of an exboyfriend, who has since changed his phone number, has jumped out of our picture. In many ways I am thankful, even though it is hard. Right now I am wondering what I am going to eat tomorrow, but I know that having someone with that weak of character out of the picture is a blessing! I don't want someone like that to be a role model for my child!! Knowing there are other women like yourselves out there makes me feel less lonely and stronger!!! Good luck to all of you!!

dose any one know of a chat room you can go to chat about problems if so can you please e mail me at sissylee79@yahoo.com

hey im 19 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend has totally changed he used to be sweet and just the perfect guy..now hes never around and barely speaks to me.Im totally scared too.Im 20 years old and i already have a 3 yr old son by my ex husband.i grew up way to fast.At times i wish i wouldnt of even gotten pregnant but i just gotta think positive.So hun i feel ya and totally understand.Keep ur head up!If i can do it u can. :)

I'm in this situation too. My boyfriend is 26 and I am 25. Things were going well between us and he said he loved me and all. Then when I found out I was pregnant, he got distant. He toldme he wants to sign away his paternal rights.

Steph, Please rest a__sured YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am 37, was engaged a week ago and now am pregnant and he has left us. Im sad beyond words but blessed for my miracle. Im sorry sweetie, truly sorry for YOU, for US and for any other women that have to go through this pure pain and anguish.

you are not the only one, trust me. the man i was going to marry left me because im pregnant and also wants nothing to do with me or the baby. i am 14 weeks pregnant and it took almost 2 months to get out of bed and somehow get out of the severe deep depression i was in. everything your feeling scared, betrayed, heartbroken, trust me i know. going to bed everynight with a life inside you and not having that man hold your hand and get you through this is horrible. but try to be strong. im sure everyone has told you that like they have told me, but we have to try. This baby will bring you such happiness if you can just make it through your pregnancy you will see. thats what i keep telling myself. we were given a gift and these men are too stupid to see it. they will see it one day and regret it but hopefully by then we will find men who really love us and our children. take one day at a time and slowly your heart will heal, not completely, but enough to make it.

the bottom line mr. women have all of the control, the man is 50% responsible for the pregnancy. It didn't happen without them. So for whatever reason she ended up preg, he is responsible as well, and should take care of his responsibilities like a real man. If he has a problem with that then he should have been more careful who he was having s_x with in the first place.

You are absolutely not alone!!! I am 17 weeks and am going through the same thing. The "guy" that I got pregnant with said that he is p__sed that I want to keep the baby, and wants nothing to do with the baby or me and wants me to sign a waiver saying that he is not financial or morally obligated in anyway to care for this child. Needless to say, I too, have NOT signed anything and will not, but what I want to know is, is something like that even legal? Can something like that ever hold-up in a child support hearing? Anyway, hang-in there, could be a lot worse!

It seems as if a lot of same problems are always happening. I am 24 years old and am 20 weeks pregnant and the father has been a complete a__s. At first we were breaking up and then I found out that I was pregnant and he was all about it and wanted me around 24-7. Then something happened and he got hit with the stupid stick becuse of his single roommates that do not give a d__n. So for about 3 months I have been sick and not being able to be very healthy and as soon as I do he starts calling again or being all nice to me like he wants something again. I always give in. Well he has hit the last stage and I was ready to tell him to go away even though I do not want to because I care about him alot. More than I thought I would when someone is treating you like this. I have lost everything, including friends and family. People that I thought were there for me jsut back stab me all the time and lie. Then to top it off he started to feel bad for the way he was treating me and told me that he cheated on me with another girl and now he realizes that he needs me and wants to be with me. He said that he is going to do anything and everything to show me. He has said it before and I just do not know if I should believe him this time. I want to but man it is hard to deal with over and over. After reading everyone else's problem it almost helps to know that people go through this but what do you do. Forgive and never forget and see if he will shape up or just tell him to p__s off and find someone that wants to be with you. You can have all the support in the world, but if you do not have the one or two people that you want there by your side it seems like the 102 other people do not matter. I have been asked out by other guys while pregnant but I think that is weird and not think that I can do that because I would rather be with the father of my baby. If it will work. I am just sick of feeling depressed and some people say that they cannot feel bad for me because I am putting myself in this problem. So what do I do because I know that I am for sure not the person I used to be and I miss my old life. I am still wondering sometimes how I am going to do this yet I know there are many women who are single and work many jobs. I give the props. Everytime I feel the baby kick and move I smile and think that it will be o.k. but other times I feel like it is fake. I am just lost. Well thanks for reading this hopefully it will all work out.

steph and hazel you're not alone I'm 12 wks and mine left me too!! It broke my heart !