Pregnancy Info HOME

Hi Tjane, this is a serious concern. Raising a biracial child means that you'll have to prepare him or her for racism from multiple racial groups. Does he have visitation? If he doesn't have visitation, it would be easy to prevent the new g/f from being around the baby. Just require that the father visit in your home without g/f. However, if he has visitation, I'm not sure what you can do aside from express your concerns to them both and try to educate and prepare your child once he/she gets old enough as best you can. I also wouldn't start worrying too much just yet. You never know, this g/f might not be in the father's life long enough to have an influence on your baby. Also, it is quite possible that the g/f will accept your baby as being "black" rather than white or even black/white biracial, as racial identification is very fluid and largely dependent on context and "looks". But, it is always good to educate yourself. My baby is also black/white biracial and I've been reading up on ethnic ident_ty development, if you'd like me to recommend some books, let me know and I'd be happy to share.

Tjane, I have a 12 year old biracial daughter (I'm white, father's black) and I'm 38 weeks pregnant with another biracial baby (white & black) so I totally understand how you feel, although I haven't personally experienced it. How did you find out that she was raciest? Do you know how she deals with his other biracial children? I would also have a problem letting my child be around someone that I know discriminated against them because of their race. Do you see him being with her long term? If so, the 3 of you will have some serious issues to work out. She might say that she couldn't hurt a child and I would a__sume that she wouldn't, but her views and comments could become hurtful as your child grows up and that's not a good environment for a biracial child to be in. They have enough to go through with our society in general so you don’t want her fathers home to be another place for her to have to deal with issues about her race. Can you have a serious talk with the father and get him to see your point of view on this? I would agree with mischelly30 that I would try and prevent the girlfriend from being around the baby if at all possible. My daughter’s father and I have not been together since she was 3 years old and he has now married a black women and they have 3 kids together, but she has never treated my daughter any differently because she’s half white and if she did I would have a serious problem with her being around my daughter at all. I know you’re mad but I would still let the father be part of the birth unless you just can’t. I would make it clear that this is not something you are willing to accept and that this might cause a serious problem with his relationship with your daughter.

Thanks both of you for the great advive, in stead of posting it again I will just redirect you to the other post I did, I put one on the 3rd trimester board too and have added more details, the t_tle is "childs father has new racist girlfriend".... he called back today and told me he wants me to be okay but he does not agree with me and i know better, as of right now we are not seeing eye to eye on this but he is still going to be there for the birth, she still says she doesnt know what shes going to do, but that isnt my problem so im just focusing on not letting this bother me right now, its not like i wouldve been sending the baby over there right away anyways and if she makes him happy thats his choice and i will have to live with it, i hate to wish their relationship bad but it would be so much easier if it ended... it should be his children first and he just doesnt get it... he says I should know better than to think he would allow someone to hurt his child and i feel like because he is with her he is blind......we are just not seeing eye to eye right now and i dont know where this is going to end up.... only time will tell but my oldest is biracial, shes 7, currently shes dealing with older children telling her shes adopted because brown children cant have a white mom, while she doesnt let it bother her it just goes to show they have enough to deal with with out daddys ignorant new girlfriend being a problem.... i am just disappointed in him.....

To all...I'm so sorry all of you are facing this. I hate that people can't see the inside and not the color of skin. I've personally never been in a bi-racial relationship, but I have so many friends that have and many that are married with children. Funny thing is that my grandmother is in a bi-racial "courtship", as she would say. If those raised that long ago and accept it so can gen x. Good luck and God Bless you all.

TJANE_ i just wanted to say that one of my friends has a child that is 18 months old and when they went to court for child support and visitation she said that she wanted supervised visitation and the judge said that since the child at that time was new born that he couldnt have her for the weekend until she was 3 so that way she was able to talk and tell what was going on. so something like that may be what you have to request. also he is not allowed to leave her house with the child and he has to go to her house for visitations but they could meet somewhere else if that was more comfortable for them. you may check into that.