 | may - February 2 |
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my bf and i have been together for 3 years. it was an absolutely amazing 2 years, but this past year has been harder. we have started getting really serious about marriage and having a baby...but all this talking has made it obvious that we have different values for what we want in life. i want to stay close to home - he refuses and wants the opposite. he's also very stubborn on how he wants to raise his child...he's not willing to compromise on a lot of things. we disagree on almost everything when it comes to politics. the bottom line, though, is that we both love each other and want to make things work...but i've been spending a lot of time wondering if he's too stubborn and i shouldnt be trying to hard to appease him. i dont feel like he's willing to compromise enough to keep me happy in a marriage. what do you guys think? i've been so miserable with these thoughts on my mind, i just really need some other opinions.
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 | SLP - February 2 |
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A marriage is very hard. If he is not willing to compromise then it seems like you are going to end up putting your wants and needs second to his a lot. Try explaining to him that you love him but that you need to him give on a few things. Tell him what you can give on and hope that he reciprocates.
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Marriage and raising children is a partnership. There MUST be give and take. My husband and I agree on almost everything, but on the things that we don't agree on, whoever we think feels the strongest about it, gets their way or we compromise. I understand that you love him and that you don't want to leave him over this. But I'm going to tell you, this relationship will end up one of four ways, 1. You and him will have a long talk about how you feel and you will begin to compromise. or 2. He will never care about how you feel on anything and you will have to submit to his every decision to avoid controversy. Or 3. You will both be strong willed, fight all the time, and eventually divorce (or be miserable for the rest of your life if you don't believe in divorce.) 4. You will decide to leave him now and find someone who is more like you. What it all comes down to is that marriage is two people who can coexist peacefully and when problems arise they can be COMPROMISED. In the beginning, love is all of the mushy stuff like flowers and cuddling and going out on dates, and basking in eachother's love. But when you get married, as time moves on, it becomes about other things. Like wether you can have a conversation or wether you can compromise. Learning to embrace eachother's opinions. It's a lot different being married to someone than it is dating them. All the flaws come out, they start annoying you, and the rose colored gla__ses come off. I think you need to sit down and really talk to him about this stuff and if he can't learn to compromise then you need to find somebody else who is willing to take your thoughts and opinions into consideration, someone who's deserving of YOUR ability to compromise. Good Luck May, and keep up to date
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| may - February 3 |
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thank you for responding...what you both said confirmed what i was worried about. i know i need to talk with him about this, i'm just so scared to actually do it because i'm afraid it will end things. i keep putting it off because i dont feel ready to lose him in my life. i love him so much. deep down i think i know things probably wont work for us in the future....unless he's willing to change and learn to compromise a lot more than he's capable of right now. dont get me wrong...he's not just a totally selfish person or anything, he's really caring and shows me how much he cares all the time. its just the major issues concerning our future that he's not willing to budge on. at all. he had a horrible up bringing...too long of a story to get into, but basically his whole life he's put a lot of thought into what he never wants to do to his kids and what he wants his life to be like. he's so stuck on following through with those ideas - they're so important to him - that i feel as though he doesnt want a wife as a PARTNER in life...he just wants a wife to go along for the ride. for the life he already planned without me. we get along so well right now, and the thought of not having him by my side scares me so much...i guess i'm just being weak. if he really loves me he should be willing to compromise and sacrifice some things for the sake of our relationship, right? i'm just so mixed up inside. can anyone relate?
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