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I myself am considering the same thing. My son's dad has shown almost no interest in this child and has been very cruel to me just to be cruel. I am lucky enough that I can take care of this child on my own it will not be easy but I know I can do it so I really don't need him. The only thing I struggle about is what I am going to tell my son when he is older about his father. Its one thing to say well your father chose not to be in your life but its another thing to say I chose for him not to be in your life. The other thing is I know if I do allow him in my childs life it will be nothing but a constant struggle between him and I and that can't be good for our son either. I'm hoping he just decides not to want to be in my son's life that way I do not have to be the one to make that decision.

my dd's sperm donor will pa__s a message on to me through friends every once and awhile, like about every 3 years, or each time he has a new gf. And each time it's the same thing "I want to see my daughter" I ignore his messages and pretend he doesn't exsist in my world. His sister tried sending me a "friendly" message on facebook a few months ago, i deleted it and didn't respond. I figure that if they really want to be a part of her life, they can try a hell of a lot harder.

I have a almost 3 month old...my ex broke up with me because I didn't get an abortion. He told me it was him or the baby. When My son was about 1 1/2 months old he asked to see his flesh and blood since I force this life on him he wanted to see his son so he can teach him to be a man and not let no woman walk over him like I did. I ignore his message...I think I am going to be like inuk mama...he is going to have to try a lot harder if he EVER wants to see his son. In my book my son's father is DEAD.

My mother did break all ties with my father and honestly it hurts the child more then most think. i never knew my father no name no picture no nothing. but when i was 15 i got very sick nothing on my mothers side could come up with the cause and without my fathers medical background i had to go though every test in the book. i now am 24 i have a pacemaker to keep my heart going but still no clear reason for why i got sick. you want nothing to do with your childs father thats fine thats your right but as a child from a mother who cut ties off please make sure you do your homework get his medical records you never know god forbid it might come in handy one day plus the child will one day ask who is my daddy and will want to meet that person trust me they will ask and want to meet cause its just something inside of us that wants the answers.

inuk-mama, what do you have against your sister in law...? I just ask because my family is sort of a situation. My brother has a 3 year old daughter whom he simply does not see (complicated story), but my mom would love to see her grand daughter and has made so many attempts and they are completly ignored. She sends presents all the time and no response. If they have something with my brother so be it, but why take it out on us. I too have made attempts, sent emails, called but nothing...

For those who responded here, so you chose to have a child with a jerk, loser or whatever you want to call him, but still there was something at the time that you loved about that man, enough so to have a child with him. What do you personally gain but not allowing your child the knowledge of who there father is. If the idiot father tries to contact you, why would deny him (or more importantly your child) the opportunity to just see one another, be it for 15 minutes in a local cafe...

Franny, I have to admit I can sympathize with inuk-mama. It's all about the philosophy "If you want something bad enough you can have it." As far as the father is concerned...he should not be allowed to see her every three years. That, in my opinion, is more detrimental than not seeing him at all. It's like "Ok sweetie, you're only important to me every couple of years" and the door constantly slamming in her face is sure to be harmful to the daughter later down the road. As far as his family is concerned, I do believe that inuk-mama should at least give them a chance...but again not if its only every 3 years that they send a "friendly" message along via facebook. Inuk-mama didn't specify how often the family is trying to get into contact, but based on her anger towards them I bet its a once in a blue moon sort of thing just like the father. If that is indeed the case, his family's love is bound up by conditions and is only displayed when convenient...which is the EXACT opposite of what a child needs to thrive. This little girl needs unconditional love and needs it at ALL times. If there are people out there unwilling to do this, then I think inuk-mama has the right to keep them out of her daughters life.

I totally disagree with not letting your child know about their father. bubblegumkisses - I totally feel your situation. my husband has been trying to meet his daughter for 2.5 years now and the mother is still refusing. We are just now going through courts (as of nov 2007) and he has yet to get a picture of his daughter and to even set up a meeting. His daughter is going to turn 4 in a month. it looks like that hes going to have to get a court order to set up a visitation through a social worker as this woman is not even willing to do anything. They weren't in a relationship, the child was born out of a one night stand, but regardless, she's here and we love her. too bad that the mother is decided to be a witch and play games.. he's been paying child support for 2 years now (after we established the dna test and that she was in fact his) and he has no problem paying child support. But we cannot wait to get a picture of her and hopefully one day it will happen. Every child needs to know who the father is and children are very quick to learn. They will be able to tell if their father is a good man or not a good man.. but give them a chance ladies. Once they see those lovely eyes and those lovely smiles, their hearts will melt for sure and there is no greater thing. but if the guy wants nothing to do with their kid, at least you tried and you don't have to explain to your child later on in life. Give them that opportunity. My best friend has a daughter that was 3 when she had to leave her husband and even though the daughter hasn't seen her dad in 4 years now (not through her mom's way, her dad has some medical issues), but this little girl is very sweet. inuk-mama - your comment about pretending he doesn't exist kind of bothers me. This guy doesn't need to exist for you, but he needs to exist for your daughter's sake. You need to have a conversation and set up guidelines as to if these visits are going to happen, this is what needs to be done.. how old is your daughter now? mommybabyboy21 - i sure hope you don't tell your son that his father is dead.. that is just cruel... this woman we're dealing with will most likely disappear, she refuses to give her address, gave us a cell phone, but doesn't return calls and email address. she's responded 3 times and has denied a first visit as well as a photo. we've requested to have him added onto the birth certificate as well as social insurance number so he can set up her education fund as well as add her onto his extended health plan at work, and she's denied that too. he's sent letters to his daughter, to which mother refuses to give to her (as per judge's orders).. she says letters are not appropriate as he's told his daughter that she now has a brother.. (after introducing himself of course).. he also sent her a family tree, letting her know about her aunts, uncles, cousins.. sort of like a sc___p book/family album kinda thing.. so she hasn't given this to her. he's now sending emails as the address is no longer available. he's continuing to send letters to himself so that one day when he does meet her, he can tell her that he has tried his best. I get sad every time i think about this and it's not even my daughter. I asked this question in a different post, but if you were in a similar situation, would you ever hire a private investigator to get a picture of your kid? just to see what they look like? what if this woman just decides to disappear? she can easily do it and there is nothing he can do... anyways, final court date is june 18th when they are supposed to set up a date and he'll make sure to leave with an order requesting to meet his daughter through a social worker and also to request for the mother not to be present. we believe she would interfere with the meeting.

123abc, I am so sorry for your situation. Too often adults can not take their own selfish bitter feelings out of the picture and truly act in the best interest of their children. Some men need encouragement and need to be shown how to being a relationship with their child, some don't know how to do it at all. RARELY is the case that a man TOTALLY wants nothing to do ever with his child. There are always 2 sides to a story an of course we always want our side to be the "right" one that people on here believe. Nobody is perfect. rr6436, I hope you reconsider your wish that you "hope he just decides not to want to be a part of his sons life..." What would your son gain from that...? Yes you do not want to be part of your ex life and nor you need to be but it is not about you. He is and always be a part of his son's life. Maybe you can help to foster and create a healthy relationship...?

123abc: Please bear in mind this woman's child's father does NOT seem like a stand up guy like your husband. Sometimes a father who walks in and out of his childs life continuously is better off just staying gone. More damage can be done by a door constantly slamming in his little one's face than by not allowing him IN the door in the first place.

I think once you know that you are done and it's not going to work out then yes move on it will be best for you and baby - I gave my oldest son's sperm donor the heave ho after a few months but by then it was a ha__sle he was on the birth cert etc and I just wish I would have been strong enough to do it before my son was born....he never saw him after he turned 3 months.....I just wish I had done it sooner...Good luck! and Good for you for being so strong

COLLEEN084 - I still think that a child should know who the father is. Children are very smart and if you can give them a logical reason that makes sense to them. I mean, there are some downright awful fathers, just like there are some horrible mothers... but most people forget that this is about the children and that we should stop playing these games. It's just too hard. oh and i found out that since she won't add him to the birth certificate, he can do it himself because he has the dna test proving that the child is his. at least he has some right, so that if she disappears, his daughter can at least find out the correct info from the birth certificate.