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I realize that as a guy I am probably not welcome here, but I have a question. I have been seeing a woman for about 7 months. She a__sured me she was on birth control and we also use condoms because...well...because pregnancy is not the only thing that can happen and I live in a big city and you just never know. We have never discussed marriage or children. We have a very casual relationship. She told me last night she is pregnant. I told her that I would be happy to pay for her to have an abortion. I am certainly not ready to be a father and I wouldn't have chosen her to be my wife or mother of my children. I'm pretty sure there is no way the child can even be mine since we use "double" protection. I don't like abortion, but I also do not want a child and I was being safe and responsible. I am not religious nor will I ever be religious, so please don't answer anything about god. But do I truly have NO rights but to pay for a child that I not only did not want, but did everything to prevent and have made my wishes clear. True - I was there for the fun, but that's all it was - fun and I had the fun WITH the responsibility. Can I truly be penalized the rest of my life for this? She said she hasn't made the decision on what to do yet. I like her but I don't love her. She feels the same about me. I wish this whole thing would just go away. This child (whether it's mine or not) did not ask to be conceived or to be born. I don't want to be a bad person. And I am sensitive to what she must be going through making this choice. This really sucks. There should be some fool-proof form of birth control. Sorry - I just want to know if I have any say in this. If I were the one pregnant I am pretty sure I would have an abortion or consider adoption if I just couldn't handle an abortion. But I do not want a child - and as far as I knew - neither did she. But the right to choose to be a parent - EVEN financially - should be a choice of both parents in my opinion. You can force someone to pay, but you cannot force them to love. And honestly I will resent being asked to pay for something I did not want and did everything I could do to prevent. I know you all must hate me for saying that, but that is how I feel. Being punished for a mistake is one thing, being forced to keep paying for it over and over is another. And I also don't consider s_x between two consenting adults a mistake. This is such a complicaed issue. Anyway - I just wondered what - if any - are my rights. On a side note - I realize this must be monumentally more difficult for the woman - I just wish I could make it all go away. Sorry if I offended anyone. Thank you for listening.

I can sympathize with you, but the truth of the matter is: It's her choice and you have to live with whatever that may be.

I am 14 weeks pregnant and my husband doesn't want our 2nd child (he asked for a divorce). He wants to sign away his parental rights to the child I am pregnant with. As far as i know he can't do it without my permission but i am not sure.

to curious: you are not alone. I had the same thing happen to me and I feel the exact same way. She had 3 choices (adoption, abortion, have the child) and I have no choice at all. She incidentally had the child and is considering suing me for child support, even though all of our friends (and I) think that is so wrong(like you). It is a very tough situation. We are still looking into a way whereby I could sign my rights away... There is a grea article in the June/July issue of details magazine on this subject ent_tled: "she's pregnant: is it time to split." read it.

He can not sign his rights away, unless you have a husband wanting to adopt. No judge would approve it. I've seen an attorney for this already. Sorry.

How sad that a "man" would want to sign his rights awy to his own flesh and blood. Boo hoo that you used protection that failed. There are only two failsafe ways to prevent pregnancy and thats celibacy and vasectomy(and even that isnt 100%). I feel blessed that even though my babys father hasnt been the most helpful.the last thing that hes going to do is not be around his son. He didnt want to be a father period but now that he has a son coming..he will be in the childs life and thats ok with me. Im not going to file for child support. If he wants to help then he can. Im not going to make a big deal about visitation. If he wants to see the baby then he can. I dont personaly depend on men for my livelihood but I dont knock any woman for wanting the man to help support his child.

how would u feel if he asked if u would sign away ur rights, it not fair to the baby, the baby needs to know its birthfather

Everytime I read posts like this it really gets me going. It's so unfair and completely s_xist that because we carry the baby we get to make all the decisions and the men have to just open their wallet or life to whatever we decide. I don't know what the logic is in this law but for people to say well the girl didn't make the baby on her own so you guys have to buck up and take responsibility now just doesn't make any sense. If infact this logic is being used then guys should also have the right to partake in the decision of what to do with this surprise they both equally created. Women total abuse the system when it comes to this too because they know they have all the power in this situation and try to trap unsuspecting males. Guys usually aren't smart enough to be cautious and aware of girls like this and I really do feel bad for the poor men. Guys tend to live in the moment and worry about the other stuff later. neways what I was getting to was if they both did it, so their both responsible, then the guy should have a say in what they do with the baby as well, whether it is keep it, abort it, or put it up for adoption and if the parents can't agree on what to do with it then it's not fair for the child or them to try and raise it when one of them doesn't want it and forcing the parent to be responsible for something he'd rather give away. If a guy doesn't want it and he's not ready for such a commitment why shouldn't it be his right to choose. I was watching a movie the other day and this girl accidently got pregnant and she didn't want it she wanted to go to college and progress in her life without a child for the time being. So she put the baby up for adoption and the father did not want this but it was her right and if she didn't want it she could legally do this without the father's consent. Now how is that fair, the guy should have just as equal rights as the mother because they are equally responsible for creating the child are they not. So why shouldn't the father be able to sign the baby over for adoption if he doesn't want the responsibility regardless of how the mother feels and if she doesn't agree to this he should be able to walk away then and let her deal with it. Normally a man hasn't intentionally done something wrong when a mistake is made like this so why should he have to pay for it for the rest of his life regardless of how he feels about it when the mother has this option. Laws need to change, the way it is right now is completely absurd. Just to let everyone know I'm not blind to the situation and feelings of having a baby with someone. I have a 6 month old baby and when I found out I was pregnant I thought very hard about whether this was the person I wanted to start a family with the guy I wanted to be the father to my children before I made the decision to keep it. Because how is it anyone's right to decide what a person has to do for the rest of their lives or be responsible for. We are supposed to be free to make our own decision, what a joke. I don't understand how girls can do this, take a man's life away from him unwillingly it's so cruel and malicious.

I just want to say one thing. Every this is same for men and women right? So a man should be having all the pain the woman is having. I think they should put to a pain inducer tablet to feel all the pain through out the pregnancy the woman is having even the labor. They should be also cut in the lower abdomen to make him feel how painful this is. Men also should take care of their responsibility. If they both decide abortion. The men should also get the suction torture in their rectum and the pain inducer too. How about this?? By the way I have a saint husband who is great and I am lucky to have him. I feel bad for those poor so called men, who only has p___s to have s_x but no men quality at all. I call then bacteria of the society.

Another thing to all those smart gals. Please make sure everything before you are having s_x with a stupid guy. Always carry a pres_x legal letter and make those stupid guys to sign in case there is a need. If they do not want to sign please do not have s_x with them.

Um, Golden? you do realize that these posts are over a year old and we've all had our babies and moved on with our lives. Please don't open old wounds.

Ya I know the post was for the guy tmgolden. that was not old.

I had the same issue. No he cannot just give up his rights like that. Well actually the only way it would happen is if you got married and your husband wanted to adopt your child. The biological father could then give up his parental rights and then your husband would be obligated to support your child. Other than that, the baby's father hasn't a chance in hell. If that was the case every sorry a__s excuse for a man who doesn't practice safe s_x would be doing it. Not a chance.