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I think people can change if they want to. They have to initiate though. If you feel that it is worthwhile for you to get back with him. then do it. But you all should get counseling to work out unresolved issues also. Good luck!

i agree on the counciling for sure.. for him and i we discussed this this morning.. my daughter is still so upset. we dont want to hurt her.....might be better to just be freinds till after the baby is born.. as un setteling as this is.. my youngest son wants to move today.!! my oldest son is quiet but feels good about it.. i guess time will tell if its meant to be healed or not.....i just dont know at this point......i feel its worthwhile too.... but its been a long time...thanks for your input young

go for it.. its a chance to get your family back.......just make sure he doesnt try to control you in any way.......let him know what you expect right away.. good luck

You may be ready to forgive and forget, but as Dr Phil says "The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour", so if you have been fighting for the past 3.5 years, chances are that you will likely continue to fight. Mentally abusive husband? Do you want your child to experience life with a man who is mentally abusive? And that may in fact be food for abuse - the fact that this child is not his...... I would personally not risk going back.

jg..good points...... but the fact is we fought when we were apart more then together. i find my self giving more then taking. already... its all about control isnt it....maybehe wants to step up now because he couldnt control the fact this baby was concieved & he is trying to make up for the mistake he made by not letting me have a forth baby...seems genuine. I want my baby to have a father. he is a good one.. there is alot of good points too.........taking it slow...we still live 1.5 hours apart and have our own sep houses.....kids are liking the idea..even daughter is feeling better....~@~ ... not sure.... we are going to see a counciler together.........asap... see what a third party has to say........:)

jg..good points...... but the fact is we fought when we were apart more then together. i find my self giving more then taking. already... its all about control isnt it....maybe he wants to step up now because he couldnt control the fact this baby was concieved & he is trying to make up for the mistake he made by not letting me have a forth baby...seems genuine. I want my baby to have a father. he is a good one.. there is alot of good points too.........taking it slow...we still live 1.5 hours apart and have our own sep houses.....kids are liking the idea..even daughter is feeling better....~@~ ... not sure.... we are going to see a counciler together.........asap... see what a third party has to say........:)

Jennifer , it's amazing how sometimes i feel like i am stuck in a "springer" moment and other times i feel like my situation is the norm . I too was married to a mentally abusive man for 10 years ...we also had three children (girls, now ages 13,11 and 7 ) we have been divorced for since 2001 .....we never really let each other go as "we" were all we had ever known . In other words we kept sleeping together . and yup you guessed it ..... i had our son in 2005. There is so many different pieces to the puzzle of putting your family back together..... your daughter is probably acting out of fear . Maybe she has grown accustomed to the way things are now and she is scared of what will happen if you guys can't make it work again. I would like to commend your husband (ex) for taking on your baby as his own . Most people don't change . My husband and i never did get back together ....i just couldn't go back to all the bs . He was very controlling , dominating ....control freak ..... and mostly i could never go back to being that little scared woman i was . Gettting you family back is wonderful and i am sure that is what makes your decision that much harder . I will say a prayer for you . and your family !!! good luck