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It sounds like your boyfriend and mine read the same handbook, "How to be a dead beat loser"! My situation was almost exactly the same, and I put up with his c___p until after my son was born. I already had a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship, and there was just no way I could afford to support all four of us. I told him I loved him, but I had lost respect for him, and it's pretty hard to have a relationship with someone you can't respect. It was difficult, but I supported the kids alone after he moved out, and didn't see a single penny for three months until he found a job. We eventuallly worked things out, and have been married now for 2 years. Our new baby is due in 6 weeks. He's very good about helping with bills now, but it took almost losing us to force him to grow up and be responsible. . If your boyfriend loves you and values your relationship, he'll get his act together!

In response to “you girls can sure pick'em”; I never said I wasn't on birth control. Before you start criticizing and making such harsh judgments you should first ask questions unless you just like putting people down. For your information I was on birth control and actually had two periods back to back and then didn't have one at all for over a month so I decided to get checked out by my doctor and that’s when I found out the news. You sound just like a__s hole Chuck that posted on this site earlier, you must be a man. If you have no positive words for me than I'd rather you not reply to my post at all. Sorry were not all perfect as you must be and we all haven't had perfect lives or role models. I do put what's best for my child ahead of all my needs and she is very well taken care of and I've owned up to the responsibility of becoming pregnant and will also take care of this child instead of just thinking of myself and having an abortion to get rid of it. I do this by myself with no a__sistance from anyone so I definitely didn't ask for your crude comments or input. If he was like this the whole time then I would deserve some of the comments but this has just recently happened as men can do a total flip on you at any time. Sorry we can't all be as wonderful as you must be. a__s Hole!

First of all I am female. What I find interesting is so many of you single women who are in bad relationships always say that you where on birth control. Another thing I find interesting is that the men you get involved with were never this way. Believe it or not I'm really not trying to put you down but it p__ses me off when women don't take responsibility for their actions, meaning the boy you are with didn't all of a sudden become a unemployed, pot head loser. If you're still sticking to that story than I'm a__suming you didn't know him very well before you let him move in with you. I also find it very interesting that if someone post a response that you don't like, the one thing that always comes up is that you didn't have perfect lives or role models, that has nothing to do with it. Also, no where in my post did I say your child wasn't well taken care of nor did I say that you haven't taken responsibility for your child. If you say that you didn't have a perfect live or role model, what kind of role model are you to your daughter? Are you telling me that you would not have issues with your daughter getting pregnant out of wed lock by one loser and then allowing another loser to not only live with her, but to live off of her? That is what you are telling your daughter that it's ok for her to do those things, that it's ok to have a boy (a man provides for his family) live off of you. If you didn't have a good role model than at least be a good one for your daughter because I bet you would never want that for your daughter so why is it ok for you. Again I'm really not trying to be rude or mean I would just hope that this would p__s you off enough to look at your life and realize that you don't desearve the way this boy is treating you. Stand up for yourself, kick him out and go find a real man because you do deserve it. Do you get it now??

Yes, you must be a man. No woman with even a little compa__sion and understanding would say such terrible things to women who have already been through such difficult ordeals. And by the way, this site is called single and pregnant for a reason. It is a place for single women to share stories and get positive feedback from others in similar situations. I don''t remember anyone saying, "please let me know how worthless you think I am, and please try hard to treat me like a big piece of c___p!" Please find something worthwhile to do with your time, your att_tude is not welcome here.

Second response to "You girls can sure pick'em" Have you never heard of anyone becoming pregnant while on birth control. For your information I became pregnant with my daughter while I was on birth control 12 years ago and now again 12 years later with this pregnancy so it does happen whether you choose to believe it or not is really none of my concern!! And you mean to tell me than any man you’ve ever been involved with has stayed the same from the beginning of your relationship until the end, please! I obviously take responsibility for my actions if I’m raising a 12 year old by myself, and by the way her father was not a looser and he’s involved in her life and he also pays child support but things just didn’t work out between us, and I’m taking responsibility for my actions in this situation as well. And my current boyfriend did all of a sudden become unemployed, if you read my post it clearly says he quite his job a month ago and I don’t have to “stick to a story” it’s called real life. I know that nobody has had a perfect life but we do the best we can and I think I’ve done a great job so far. I’m an excellent role model for my daughter who gets straight A’s plays basketball and goes to church. Your obviously implying that my daughter isn’t well taken care of if you think her mother is a pore role model because of the current situation she’s in. And for your information I’ve only lived with my boyfriend for 4 moths and we’ve dated for almost 2 years so this is something that’s come up since he’s moved in and I obviously know is not working and something I’m trying to change if I’m seeking advice on a forum. You are being mean and rude and I don’t get you at all. What are you doing on the single and pregnant forum if you have no compa__sion for what others are going through.

Everyone just relax, "you girls sure..."obviously just said what she was thinking without considering that there may be a kinder way of expressing herself. Some people are just that way, and no amount of reasoning can change them. Low self esteem and problems with self-worth happen for some people because, unfortunately, there are people like this out there. They think they are just being helpful and giving advice, when all they really do is make those of us going through these problems feel even worse about ourselves. It's really very sad, when you think about it, that someone would actually want to spend their time finding ways to talk other people down. BTW, "you girls sure...", psych major, huh? Psych students are never hard to spot, they're pretty good at evaluating everyone else's faults. Try reading up on pa__sive-aggression, ok?

to Confused- AMEN to that. You go girl, I think you sumed that all up for youreslf and all of us out there who live our lives day to day to care for our children the best way we can. I think you are a very smart and stronge woman, and you will find the way to deal with your man that best fits your family. Wiether that maybe him leaving for good or just till you can work through his problems. Anywho GL Congrats on the baby and your older child.

"You can sure pickem" This isnt aforum for you to research. This is a place for woman to get ADVICE from other woman. Maybe he didnt start smoking pot 1 month ago maybe he did. Just cause someone is doing something doesnt always mean the other person knows about it. An I'm sure she didnt just say come on guy move in with me a smoke dope infront of my kids. Ever hear life gives us lemons make lemonaid? Sometimes to get to that lemonaid you have a long road to travel. You can just throw I guy away cause he has made a bad choice. The humain thing to do is first see if you can help this person, not just for the kids or yourself but for them too.Some people reach out for help in ways not everyone can understand, but if your willing to help those who want it that makes you a great person. Maybe you need to goto church sometime. God loves all and dont turn his back on anyone, so why should she. If trying to help him do better and be a father and lover is wrong then we all have spent alot of waisted time since the dawn of man. Yes you can seem like a b___h. You have a crude way of asking your question. Making it sound like she openly let this man in her house to do drugs with no care to her child. People change, an no not over night but they can do it behind your back that when you find out it seems like oh my god he has changed over night. Men go through changes during a womans pregnancy, just like woman do. It is different with a Bio-child. Because he is not responsable for her older child but his new one he is and now he is forced to grow-up for life. Sometimes that path is hard for them. If we just through them all away there would be a hell of alot more single mothers out there. No she may not be able to change him or help him. But it is her right as his partner to try to help him not just for him but for there baby. Maybe if you found a more gentler way of asking your questions people wouldnt get so p__sed of at you. You must be young and started a family of your own you think you know what is best. Let your husband up and change on you some day. Could be months or yrs but in some way they all change. After putting youand your child through yrs of love for this man would you just throw him away. I dont beleive so. You would do what you could to help. If you wouldnt then your one screwed up human being. So why dont you find another site to hover in instead of bothering people who just want to talk to other woman who understand, cause hunny you have no clue

To mama3; You're on my a__s for making a__sumptions but yet you a__sume I don't go to church? Believe it or not I do attend church. So mama3 can you point out where I asked a question in a crude way, can you point out what question that was. Also, can you answer the question that none of you have been able to answer, I just don't understand why nobody can answer this question, it's a simple "yes" I agree or "no" I don't. The bottom line is that I'm "a__suming" that the majority of you are all single mothers, so maybe all of you see yourselves like Confused does. Hmmmmm I think I'll stick to that one. And yes I do have a great life, I have a great husband, family, friends and the reason I do is because I decided how I was going to live my life. I never used the excuse that I didn't have a good childhood or I didn't have good role models, so it's because of that that my life turned out the way it did. I've always taken responsibility for my actions.

One more thing, you said that women come on here to get advice, I did give advice and that was to not get knock up by loser men and if you do and decide to raise your child, then that child comes first meaning you concentrate on raising the child. THE CHILD COMES FIRST if you want to go out a date and get pregnant yet again by a different loser at least wait until your child is 18 and hopefully out of the house. Otherwise that child is going to be on a single and pregnant forum saying the reason is because I didn’t have a perfect life and I didn’t have any good role models. If you don't like the advice then either don't post or just ignore it.

Here's the answer to your question: It's not my place to judge. That being said, I don't think bad influences and role models should be exposed to children. HOWEVER, Confused's post wasn't about that. AND where did you get the idea she had a 12 year old? I read in her FIRST line she was 12 weeks pregnant. Also, if you are indeed studying esteem.... you would know the root causes (childhood and how people PARENTS treated them), and would know exactly WHY people pick the people they do!! I mean Psych 101 plus a few episodes of Oprah can teach you that!

Name: Confused | Date: January 25, 2006, 16:25 Answer: Second response to "You girls can sure pick'em" Have you never heard of anyone becoming pregnant while on birth control. For your information I became pregnant with my daughter while I was on birth control 12 years ago and now again 12 years later with this pregnancy................................I’m raising a 12 year old by myself..............................

Actually I was the 3rd post but some how it's not there. Look at her response to my post. Isn't copy and paste the best. Good luck to you to Monique it was great.

Thank you very much for your response and you are absolutely right some of the things I said and the tone was not called for and I apologize. The only reason why I capitalized MY HUSBAND is because in the beginning a couple of you thought I was a male. So it looks like not only did I a__sume things but it looks like you did to. I know that not all women choose to be single and I was not referring to anybody whose husband has past away nor was I referring to those women who choose to be single and I think it was very obvious that my comments where not directed to those women. All I did was voice an opinion if you or anybody else took offense then I apologize. I do however stand by my opinions and once again that is all they are I never asked any of you to agree. A lot of you just got upset by the way I said things but instead of a__suming (like I did) all of you could have asked (in a nice way, goes for me to) for me to explain myself, I still would not have expected any of you to agree. Good luck to you.

Actually I was just letting you know where she got the idea that confused had a 12 year old daughter. I'm the one who copy and pasted the post. Don't get so defensive about it. I was just clueing you in.

Just wanted to give you ladies a little update. I had a serious talk with my boyfriend yesterday and I gave him an ultimatum. I gave him 2 weeks to get a good job and told him he must keep it and he must stop all the drinking and smoking and hanging out he’s been doing our he’s out of my house for good, its technically our apartment because we moved in together but he knows he will have to be the one to leave. I explained to him that I’m doing this to help him because I can no longer enable him by putting up with his behavior. We had a really good talk and I told him that I know that no woman can change a man, but that I want better for him and our child and I want him to be a man that his child can look up to and respect. When I got home from work he told me he had made a few calls and that he has an interview today to potentially work at a construction site for a 2 year project so I’m hoping this goes well (fingers crossed). I know that there’s no guarantee that he will make this change but I’ve told him I will not wait and that if he doesn’t show me something within these 2 weeks that I’m threw. I feel really good about my decision and I told him no matter if we can work it out or not I want us to be friends and that he has got to get his life together if he wants to be a part of my life. I know that some of you think I’ve put my daughter in a terrible situation by putting up with him behaving like this the past month. My daughter has no idea about the pot smoking or drinking because he did these things outside of our house. She also has no idea about him quitting his job and not working for the past month because like I said he’s been “hanging out” with his friends so much that he hasn’t been around a night and that’s when he was working. My daughter is not old enough to know about these things and I would never ever put her in harms way. It’s true she might have sensed some tension in the house and that’s not good, but I would never allow him to do these things in front of her or in our house. My daughter also does not know of my pregnancy yet. In my talk with my boyfriend I even told him that I might reconsider having this child (not sure what to do) and he became very disappointed. I have a doctor’s appointment on Feb. 2nd and will have my first ultrasound to find out my exact due date because my cycle is not regular and I had to guess when my last period was so I could be more or less than the 12 weeks. I’m not sure how everything will work out but I wanted to think you all for your comments and opinions!