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i completyl understand your point ---and i feel badly for being a di*k--but there was no relationship--- and i dint want to be taken for a fool-- it's a sore subject --but a lot of men are paying alot of $ for kids that arent theirs---- i just dont understand --why a woman w/ demean a man who is willing to step up and be a dad and then deny his name

Oh I understand your situation completely. You had every right to not be there since you didn't know for sure if it was yours and you weren't in a relationship with this girl. You keep saying that if a man steps up you shouldn't "deny his name" but my point is that the woman never has a chance to "step up".. she doesn't have a choice.. she HAS to be there because she is the one carrying the baby... so why shouldn't the baby be named after her? why should her name be denied? as far as i know the only reason babies get named after their fathers is because of tradition... a long time ago the majority of people who had kids were married... so the baby got the father's last name because the mother had his name too.... now days single parents are more and more common... and since the mother has to do most the work anyway, why shouldn't the baby be named after her? I don't see it as demeaning the man... I just see it as giving credit where credit's due... haha... like my mom says.... we're a package deal... the baby shouldn't have his last name unless he gives me his last name too... that was his decision... he left without choosing to even TRY to work it out... he ran... he left me to deal with this pregnancy all by myself... (and again.. he KNOWS it's his) therefore he doesn't deserve to have her named after him... but i have been busting my a__s this whole pregnancy trying to do everything right to have a healthy baby... so i deserve to have her named after me... do you understand what i'm saying?

i understand completly and i am sorry for anyone who has to go through your situation-- i just know that i have to look my kid in the eye at some point and i wanted to able to say i fought for you to be named after me --my kid has a lot of cousins and other family --w/it be right for him to have a different name then his cousins my brothers kids ? i will never dismiss the mothers role a mom is the most important person in a kids life ---but a father's role is important to---look at all the studies of underachieving kids --and a lot of it sights lack of a male role model--- i know its cra__s--but if my $ and time are good enough for the kid --why isnt my name

yeah... i understand your point... i would gladly name my girl after her father if i could positively know that he was going to be there. And you're definately right about the studies of children with and without father figures (although i would like to point out that it has nothing to do with the biological father.. just as long as there is a father figure in the childs life) as for your statement "w/it be right for him to have a different name then his cousins my brothers kids ?" don't forget that the mother's side is full of people with the same name as the mother.. haha.. for instance where i live.. pretty much my whole entire family lives down the same street... so with her having my last name she'll grow up with the same last name as the people she's surrounded with most... and that's how i think it should be... just as long as you will be there for your child (which it definately sounds like you will be and good for you! there should be more guys like you out there!) then i think it is good that your child has your last name... and it will be nice to say to your child one day that you fought for him/her. I'm sure that will really make your child feel special. You sound like you're going to be a good dad. I hope my daughter's father comes around someday too.

Also... i found this article on a website for single mothers... this is only a small part of the article and it is a recommendation.. it says "Think seriously before giving your minor child his natural father's surname, if the child is born out of wedlock. Most minor children feel isolated from the family unit when their last name is not the name of the other family members. We have helped literally thousands of the mothers change the surnames of their minor child from that of the natural father who has not been a part of the minor child's life." for the whole article go to http://www.amomslove.com/moms-single-name.html .... that's exactly why I'm giving her my last name until I figure out whether he's gonna be there or not... I don't want her to grow up with the last name of a guy who ditched her

this is a situaiton where there is no right or wrong---i w/ndt love the kid any less no matter what the name-- i acknoledge i was not there for the pregnancy---but in my heart i had lots of doubts--one night --etc etc--- now i know the child is mine i also know the mom is amazing mother --- i also know it is my kid too---and i want everyone to know it old fashion --maybe ---but i feel strongly

Yep... and I agree with you... I think that if the father is going to be there, like you, then the child should be named after him, especially because if the mother gets married, then her name will change (and because of tradition), but if the mother has any doubt that the father's not going to be there.. then the child should be named after her. That's all. Best wishes with your new baby :) You sound like you'll be a good father.

HEATHER: PLEASE READ: In my opinion, you should not put the father's name down in the birth certificate especially that you and your ex boyfriend are not legally married and that things aren't good between you two. My friend had to pay thousands of dollars to have her last name changed to her mother's because her father left the family and she wanted to take her mothers name. My other friend is having a hard time trying to send her 2 year old daughter back to the states because her ex refuses to sign visa doc_ments to release their daughter. YOU are the one carrying your child and taking the responsibilities. YOU should be the one who has the right to make these decisions regardless of what your ex demands.

I am sort of stuck in the same situation now. My boyfriend left when he found out I was pregnant but we still talk everyday, and hopefully he will come around eventually but I want to give the child his last name. I hate my last name and am still teased about it until this day. It doesnt bother me anymore but it did when I was a child. I dont want my child to go threw the teasing like I did. He thinks I should give the baby my last name. Eventhough he knows it is me who has the final decision but I think he feels that if the baby does not have his last name he will not have an attachment to it. What do you all think?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, I recently found out I am pregnant so I am just at the beginning. I have decided to give my child my last name and play it by ear to see if my boyfriend and I end up getting married in a few years. If we do, then I will happily change the last name to his.

the bottom line is not what is best for you the mother, but what is best for the child. In many states if a child is born out of wedlock either the father has to acknowledge paternity by signing the birth certificate or by the courts. There are pros and cons to everything in life and the notion "he was not here during pregnacy" is a resentful reason to not legitimate your child. Check with a family attorney, you can call around for free. What steps you take to protect your child are for your child not you or the father. Without establishing paternity your child is ent_tiled to nothing. In some states once paternity is established the courts will change the name to the fathers name. If your childs father were to pa__s away and your child is legitimate and has the fathers name you will recv. ss benefits for your child and your child will have rights to the fathers a__sets. There are many reasons why and many reason of why not to have the fathers name. I strongly urge you to educate yourself on the laws that pertain to your state and that apply to your situation. Ask questions, no question is stupid.

I agree with "bottom line" that you should definately educate yourself on all the laws. As for people in PA.. I know that as long as the father's name is on the birth certificate... you can give the child whatever last name you choose, and the child will still be eligible for all benefits. The state will NOT automatically change the last name in PA once paternity is established. I don't think the problem lies so much in guys not being here for the pregnancy.. and women feeling resentful for that... I don't know about anyone else.. but it made me wonder whether or not the guy would be here at all! and I know it would be much worse on my daughter to have the name of a guy who deserted her. So I do think it's in her best interest that I give her my last name. At least until he proves that he's going to be there. You can always change the name to the father's later.

Heather, you should really consider giving the child his last name. It will be easier for you to get child support for your child. In my situation, my childrens father died while I was pregnant with our last child. I went through hell with his family because my baby did'nt have his last name. Make it easy on yourself. You never know what life may throw!

v

We live in Ohio...The father of my grandson never saw him, was never around, and pays no support. We were told the only way you could give the child the fathers last name is if the father signs the birth certificate. If he doesnt sign it you have to give the baby your last name.

No you dont have to give the baby his last name but if he takes you to court you will have to have a really good excuse to not want it if the judge asks him if he wants the baby to have his last name and he says yes.