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that sounds exactally what im going threw. except for the co worker. but we been togehter for 8 years and was trying for this baby for 7 months. im now 6 months pregnant. turned around a week beofre i found and said he doesnt love me ne more. i dunno what it is hun. all i can say is i have had 8 years of this man life and we have been lovers, friend, enemies all in one go and i think thats an advantage. as much as he says i dont know what i want and bla bla bla he hasnt gone anywhere. we still sleep togehter and act together and everything is the same. must just be a freak out thing i dunno. all i know is u owe it to the baby and 8 years to try and fight for what u want. if he really doesnt want u or want to be with u then i gues the best thing to do is move on. but no one can tell u when to do that.. u have to do it when ur ready. just dont put up with the other women. once he is with someone else things change again and thats not on. ne ways keeps us updated. good luck..

Xkarx-I know exactly what you are going through. I have been with my BF/Fiance for almost 8 years (June will make 8 years) and this pregnancy has really been an emotional roller coaster. We break up every week over little stuff. The only thing that he can say is that "It's just not there anymore" which I have no clue why. We have been living together for 4 years and it's just so hard b/c I love him with all of my heart. I moved a state away from my family to be with him and now I feel like I don't want to stay up here b/c I have no one else. There aren't really good job opportunites where I'm from so finding a decent job which is what I have will be hopeless. I just really have to do what's best for me. He has caught several times talking to different women via phone, but I've never caught him cheating s_xually. It just frustrates me b/c he says that we don't communicate anymore, but instead of getting closer with me he gets closer with others. I have had 3 miscarriages from 3 planned pregnancies and we were so excited when we found out that the we were expecting again with the baby due in May, but now it seems like this one was not planned and is working out and he wants no part of me. I know that he will be a great father for his son, but I just can't understand why we can't be a good family together. I can honestly say that I cry a lot too and I know it's not good for the baby. I don't have a lot of friends and I hate to involve my family in my personal life. So I just want to thank you ladies for listening and helping me vent. I think we can get through this together. I love him, but I love my son as well and I can't keep going on this unhealthy rollercoaster ride.

Oh sweetie I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Now when its should be your most happy moments. Darling all a can tell you is to let him go, he want to leave. This confusion he has is his guilt slapping him in the face. You don't want to live or love a man who is with you out of Guilt..You have to put it to him plain to him. .That way he won't be confused. Lay it out for him. He has to understand that now he may have changed his mind about wanting a child with you, it doesn't change the fact that now you are having his baby. He wants out because he no longer loves you that's fine, Go but he has to help out with child support and be in the childs life. Oh and YES he's with that co-worker don't let that "we're just friend or I'm confused." c___p get to you. If they talk for that long then YES they are together or will be and nothing you say or do will stop it because he's already gone.. LIke I said his confusion is his GUILT slapping him in the face, because he knows he's done wrong by you , but that ok. You shouldn't worry about losing him, girl you already got the best part of him. You have a little bundle of joy that all yours. Your baby is going to change your world so wonderfully that the father will be the last thing on your mind. Give your love, your hurting heart to your unborn child and your child will heal you in way you never thought possible. Who know what life will throw in our faces, we alway have to be prepared for the worse and pray for the best. Many blessings to you and your little one.

Update...So I ignored him for a full week...completely. He would call or text and I didn't answer. But he called and caught me at a weak moment (just as I was crying over all of this drama) and I answered. Right away he was like-Why haven't u been answering me and what's going on? I just kind of ignored it and just said because...He then proceeded to say how he wants to be involved with the baby and realizes that he's made this pregnancy really difficult for me. That he was going to support me as much as he could and wanted to buy the crib and whatever else our baby needed. Just going on and on...meanwhile I'm in complete shock...and didn't know what to say. All I said was that I wasn't going to ask him for anything anymore and I wasn't going to beg him. If he wanted to help than great and if not that I would do it on my own-like I have. I want him involved and all but I don't know if I can trust him...he's so irrational at times. So he then asked when my next appt. was and I told him on the 14th and he said ok I will pick u up and take u. SInce the very beginning he's gone to every appt. except the one last week because I was ignoring him. I don't know how to be with him when I see him again? I'm scared of being let down again...I know I'm kind of rambling on-sorry. Any ideas or advice. I just wish things were different and we were still together and somehow working on our family... :(

i'm proud of you. keep that up because he can't use you like that. please be careful though. because when a guy knows a woman is in a weak place, he might use that to his advantage if he wants to. just be wary. and don't rely on him for anything. no use setting up for an unfortunately possible let down.

So after spending pretty much all day with him yesterday...I find myself not being able to sleep and crying. I had an appt. and our baby girl is growing very well...my cerclage is still in place but I must remain on bedrest...not complete but partial. I must also continue with my weekly visits. Atleast the pregnancy is going well...but on the other hand I can't stop myself from thinking about him-thinking about why he's not with me-and everything else that has happened. We had a good day today...we didn't fight or argue. We laughed together which has been a long time since we did. He even called me by the cute nickname he used to call me by...by accident, maybe? One thing that did bother me and made me sad was that his brother came to his house and as soon as he saw me he rubbed my belly and even told him-Look at her belly it's so small for 7 months-u should rub it. And he acted like he didn't hear him but I know he did. Later on I asked him if he wasn't tempted to feel my belly and feel the baby move...he said yes but that he had his reasons for not doing so...and quickly changed the subject. What could those reasons be? The whole way home I could not take that comment off of my mind...and here I am at 3am...still thinking, crying, and being depressed over this situation. I don't know what to do??? I hate this feelings because I'm really trying my hardest to be happy and enjoy my 1st pregnancy but all of this is overwhelming and at times I feel that I can't go on... :(

I had to cut my ex off like he was a bad addiction when he broke my heart and walked out on me and our unborn baby. And just like any bad addiction, its been SO hard to break. I know just how you feel. At first, even tho he said he didn't love me anymore and wanted nothing to do with me, he still came by every now and then. He even came to my first ultrasound with me. But after each visit he'd still leave just the same and offer no support in between visits. Finally, I had to cut him off completely b/c I was a crying mess during that time. Having NO contact with him has been hard, but is getting easier. And to be honest, after 4 months, I DON'T CRY about him anymore. I know its so much easier said than done. But for me, I just told myself letting him get near me just to walk away again was hurting me SO bad and did way more harm than good. I know its hard to swallow advice when all you want is the love and affection you deserve, but baby, you gotta kick him outta your life completely to regain the sanity you'll need for you and your little angel. :)

COLLEEN084: I know what u mean because when I don't talk or ignore him I feel so much better...and when I see him or we go to our appointments and then he drops me off-I get so sad and depressed...I just don't know how to completly cut him off. He's been my 1st everything...I've been with him since we were both 15...I know it's not healthy for the baby and myself to be feeling this way but it's really hard. I don't know anymore...

you see! yep thats the same thing with me! As much as it sucks its SO much less agonizing when he is COMPLETELY gone than when he shows up every now and then. I don't know, me and my ex did not date nearly as long as you but I know you can do it. You're strong and building a miracle of course you can! Maybe if you get mean with him it will help empower you and allow you to more easily wipe your hands clean of him. Get aggressive, but don't throw insults. Tell him there should be absolutely NO uncertainty in his love for this child. You will not allow it. He/she is a miracle and not a mistake, and only needs ppl around him/her that believes that. Period. You can also add that you kicking him out of your life is not about your relationship status, but about the wellbeing of YOU mentally and your BABY physically (after all, when mommas stressed it is harmful for baby). If he cannot understand that his wishy washy tendencies are EXTREMELY hurtful to a pregnant woman than explain to him no further. It's worthless. Talking on deaf ears if you will. In this case you must do as I have done and change your mind to positive thinking as often as you can. Keep telling yourself that its not about you and him anymore. That's what I had to do. No, justice does not prevail always when it comes to matters of the heart, but at least you can know you did the best thing for your baby.

P.s. xkarx, I just thought I'd add that if I sound like I've got it all together, I haven't. I still have the occasional once a week bawl about it. I just wanted to share some advice on ways of thinking that have really helped me through this.

I really try to believe me....but it's extremely difficult. I have been on bedrest for 2 months and have 2 more to go...I have been through so much emotionally and physically...it seems that when things are going well for myself something always f***s it up...I feel like I'm never going to get through this and especially by myself. I feel so betrayed by him because he always said he wanted a family with me and that's the whole reason we weren't using protection for the last 2 years... I would've never put myself in this situation if I knew this was going to happen and he was going to be this way. The night before he left he still rea__sured me that we would things out with our relationship and that he always wanted a child with me... (we already thought i was pregnant but had taken a test that said negative-and a week later after he's gone-i took another one=positive)...little did I know. He left me and our home and has been such an a__s all along...and to top it off has a phone relationship with that co-worker...at times I feel like kicking her a**...but quickly realize that it wouldn't resolve anything and def. not now in my condition....i'm all over the place with my thoughts i know but i have no one to talk to...My family is supportive but I don't like to get them involved in my personal problems and feelings. Thanks again for hearingme out and giving some sort of relief that in the end it will all be worth it....it's just getting through it that is killing me....I don't know what to do and I wish I could just dissapear. :(

Sorry about the delay in response time....hopefully youre still reading this. But I kinda know what you mean about loving him even when you know you still shouldn't. I can't relate with the current ex b/c we only dated for 4 months, but with another ex boyfriend of mine, we dated for three years and he cheated. Time and time again I took him back...stupidly of course. Your situation of course is even 10 times more intense than this b/c you're carrying his child. The only way I finally truly got over this toxic ex was when I started to date other guys. Although I know thats really hard when youre preggo and can't go out much : ( For now my only suggestion is just to try and stay as strong as you can in the moment. As for my situation with the father, I texted him back saying I will not tolerate drunken texts/calls and that if he really cares he will show it some other way. Well he called the next day and told me he just cracked. He heard through a mutual friend that it was a little girl and heard the due date and finally felt that it was real. We'd had so much distance (hadn't talked or seen each other in months) that he said he didn't feel like it was real before, but after hearing that he broke down and cried, finally feeling like it was his baby and responsibility. Now, only problem w/ the wonderful turnaround was that he told me this a week and a half ago and I haven't heard a word from him since. That really p__ses me off.

on your behaff you cant be so stressed... i think that could be part of the problem with your pregnancy... you will be okay... you kno what they say " when you love someone the best thing you may be able to do for them is to let them go"... it will get hard but we are alll women the stongest type of creation and you will get through it.... i am wishing you the best of luck with everything and you never kno he may come around and realize what he has lost in you.... good luck... xoxoxo savina

xkarx what a horrible situation he has put you in. you have to try and be strong through this difficult time. one thing you absolutely must NOT DO is sleep with this vile man. he isn't worthy of you. he says 'he's confused' when really to be honest ive noticed cheat after cheat say this to me and its an excuse, they say it to hide their true feelings and to make sure you don't probe them about it. does he still live with you? i know people say snooping is wrong but i would be tempted to find his phone and try and uncover the real truth, then at least you will know the truth and can slowly but surely get him out of your life and mind! my ex used to hide his phone when he slept and even took it to the toilet with him, i found it, found messages and then discovered his phone bill which had nothing but long phone calls to her. i got the whole 'we are just friends... im so confused..' c___p, and soon realised that a friend doesnt send you s_x messages! honestly these rat bags are not worth it. just remember you have a beautiful baby on the way and you can do it without him, millions of women do!!! just don't let him sleep with you and walk all over you. the guy is a liar, do not feel sorry for him.

I'm back...and a lot has happened. Well first of all with my pregnancy the last 2 visits, they have told me that she is low but that my cercalge is still in place. I must remain on bedrest and today I found out I have gestational diabetes. I'm kind of bummed out about it because it's just one more thing that I must deal with during this time. Things with the father of my baby are pretty much the same. He's all over the place and one day he says one thing and the other he says something else. Then he says that he's been upfront with me from the beginning and doesn't want to lead me on because he doesn't want anything with me anymore. That he just wants to move on with his life and be happy and that his onlly focus in life right now is his happiness and himself. He calls more and we talk more but lately it's just been one argument over the other. It's really stressing me out and I don't want to argue with him anymore!!! I'm so tired of this c___p and feeling so down. Colleen084-thanks responding back. I was getting worried about u. That's exactly how my ex is. He says he wants to be involved and will be supportive but then doesn't call or seem interested. Has he tried contacting you at all? What will u do if he does? Bubbles99-I know that I can't be stressing like this but when I have been on bedrest and have nothing to do...my mind just goes to all these problems and feelings. I know that I will get through as I have already, it's just extremely hard. Some days are better than others but when i'm down-it's bad!!! Cat24-he doesn't live with me anymore. When he left he moved out...he left a lot of things here but I havenn't gotten rid of them. I guess I'm still hoping for the day that he'll return. (I know-pathetic, but true feelings) We did still sleep together in the beggining but it's been a long time since that. My cerclage doesn't allow that anyways...but sometimes when I'm with him I just want to hug himand kiss him...and havve him hold me and just rub my belly...something. :( And about the phone...well we have the same phone plan still and I can check the bill online anytime. Sometimes I do but I've found that the more I look at it and see it with my eyes the more it hurts and devestates me. I see that he talks to these co-worker friends of his for long periods of time on a daily basis...I must admit not as much anymore but still they talk. I actually have talked to one of the girls on the phone and by text....she swears that she wants nothing with him and that it's him trying to read signals that aren't there on her part. I kind of want to believe her...but trust me when I say -IT'S VERY COMPLICATED....You have no idea the lengths that I have gone to find things out and how much it has hurt me. I feel as though I had a one stand with him and that's it....but we had 8 years....and had been trying to get pregnant for some time...so when he left- i was in complete shock and left feeling alone and betrayed...and still do to this day. When he's nice I love talking to him about our little girl and when he's in a bad mood it's absolutely horrible...and then he acts like nothing the next day or next time we talk. Ok so now I'm just rambling but it's been crazy these last couple of weeks and I'm just so confused, hurt, and don't even know where to go from here... thanks for all of your support. It means a lot to me....

i am glad you feel you can get through... sorry you are going through this... wish i could help...good luck with everything, i am rootin for ya...xoxoxoxo savina