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I went through the same thing. I dated a man for over a year before I found ou the was married and had children. It sounds like this guy is full of s**t. Ask to see his divorce decree. That will help you make up your mind. In the time my bf was "just living" with his ex posed to be divorced) she got pregnant with there 3rd. There was no divorce... he lied to me. 1). Ask for proof of divorce 2). Can you call his house freely if there divorced it should not be an issue 3). have you meet the kids 4). have you meet his friends & family If he has lied to you the relationshipis based on lies not love. Good Luck!

Well I really doubt, as I know you do aswell that all they are doing is "sleeping" in seperate rooms. Does his "ex" know that you are in a new relationship with him? Trust me having a Divorce certificate means nothing. I've been divorced from my husband for 9mo now and yet we are still sleeping together. It sounds like this guy has been lying to you, have a serious talk with him, or talk to his "ex" to get the full story. Good Luck.

Why dont you just show up at his house one day or ask if you can come over and prepare him and the children dinner and if he declines, chances are he is still sleeping with her.As for the pregnancy thing.If he flips out then tell him it takes 2 to make a baby not 1.You werent in it alone.

Thanks for all the posts ladies. Missy - i know they arent divorced or anything like that and if he is or not wouldnt bother me anyway. i dont really believe in marrige anyway so we werent intending on tying the knot at all. Lizz i know they have seperate rooms as i have been to the house, i couldnt tell you if they sleep in their own rooms or not.... thats exactly what i am doubting. i have meet his kids and although i do not see them all the time this is my doing as they are only young and i think it would confuse them seeing him with me and then him and her still living together. i put a stop to all that when they moved in together and now i only see them if i bump into him and the kids or if he pops over with them in tow or something like that. As far as her knowing about me i do know that he did tell her some time ago b/c she went mad and kept calling me names etc. the thing is he may have told her that we are not still together i just dont know that. i do not call the house from my own choice as i know she doesnt like me for seeing him and i dont want to cause problems for him if he is being honest with me. i havent meet his family b/c they live on the other side of the country but he did tell his parents he had left her and was seeing me when this all began. we did split up for about a week during this whole time so i dont know what they think is going on now. i have meet his friends as most are "our" friends. he does have some mates from work but doesnt go out with them or see them apart from work so i have only meet a few of them at a wedding we went to last year. we dont see each other a whole lot on the weekends as he spends a lot of time with his kids saying that he wants to do that b/c when they arent there eveyday he will miss out on a lot of things. its like he is trying to squeeze everything with them in the shortest amount of time possible coz he doesnt know when will be the last day. thats why i tend to believe a lot of stuff he says. if he knew they were going to be there forever b/c he wasnt intending on splitting with the wife at all then he wouldnt mind so much about missing little things with them. he also phones and sends me text messages at times of the night when she would be at home and they would be in bed (he works really early in ht e morning) so if he wasnt in his own bed while this was going on i wonder wouldnt she want to know who he was talking to?? i am just so confused and dont know what to do. In my heart i do believe him but my head is kinda saying sit up and take a look at the situation. i think i will just tell him about the baby and then he can decide what he is doing from there. i dont want to break up with him for the sole purpose of the baby when he might not see it as such a bad thing??? i might just be jumping to conclusions about what he will say about the whole situation. only time will tell i guess. i am not going to call him or anything ill just wait till next time he is over and then tell him. if i hint over the phone there is something i want to talk to him about he will want to know right there and then and i would rather tell him to his face so i know what his true reaction is. ill keep u all posted! anymore advice would be great tho!

I dont think you should be worried about what she thinks about you calling HIS house.If they are spilt up then its none of her business.It doesnt matter what time he text messages you.For all you know he could be sneaking off to the bathroom to do all of it.Now if your on the phone with him them thats another story.It would be more believeable.To me if hes paying that much attention to you at night then he must be doing something wrong and hes trying not to feel guilty about it but thats just me.Dont let me put ideas in your head lol.Good Luck and let us know what happened when you tell him.

thanks 'been there done that', it is very refreshing to hear your side of the story and now you have said that it wouldnt surprise me in the slightest if he is keeping us both in the dark about whats going on in both relationships. Of course people believe what they want to. its human nature. No one wants to believe that someone they love would intentionally hurt them...me included and to a degree her. even if she doesnt know about me now she used to know and surely she would wonder on occasions where he is and who is is talking to over the phone.she probably wants to believe him the same way i do. to think that he has blatently lied to me all this time would break me heart, especially when i have given him everything my heart has to give. initally i wanted to keep the baby a secret altogether and just get him out of my life but i do want him to be apart of this childs life and upbringing. i do not want my baby to miss out on having a father beacuse i am too scared to tell him. Anyway hopefully i will being seeing him tomorrow so i can tell him everything. I will not be back on this website till next week so ill keep you posted then!

Been there done that aswell, My ex Husband had a naive girlfriend (including me)... He told me was only with her because she "bought" him clothes, shoes and that he was only "using her". I remember so many times he would tell her that we where still "good friends" and that I was still his "wife" (when we where indeed divorced) I don't know how I put up with the situation...but the way I was thinking is that "he can't hurt me" because Im not his "WIFE", and I felt no ties, and besides I wasn't ready to move on and sleep with someone new. She even called me once and I told her I was still sleeping with him but she refused to believe. My ex called me begging me to deny it, and to tell her that I was making it up and that I would leave him alone--He was telling me he loves me and that just to do him this favor. I WAS FURIOUS! NO I didn't call her and tell her that! It got me wondering "you told me she doesn't mean anything to you why should I STEP DOWN??" At the end my ex ended up dumping her because he found out she was a stripper :)When I married him I KNEW he wasn't ready but I took a chance because I only wanted him to make me "FEEL" like the only 1, but he couldn't even do that. ...Now he's in jail telling me he's a changed man and now he realized how much he LOOOOVES me............DAMN! Now the thought of him cheating or being with other girls makes me SICK. He's been trying to work things out, I just don't seem to have patience. (I guess deep down inside I do hope he changes and that we can continue with our dreams of forming a family) Im trying to give him the benefit of doubt. I hope this gives you an idea of what an "ex" wife might feel. I just hope your situation isn't as complicated. At this point all I can do is leave it in Gods hands

Lizz...i wanted to respond to you too. I was unable to let my ex go as was he.For 4 years we went back and forth until it got to the point where the pain was so intense i didn't know how i'd make it another day . we were married 10 years, three ( now four ) kids .We were each others first everything....some days it still feels surreal . It will get easier ONCE you get BOTH feet out the door . Your ex wanting you to lie to his current is so familiar ! Don't do it ! but don't sleep with him either !! WHO has it better than him....two girls ....fighting for him. Take time to evaluate your situation..you divorced this guy, right? I was never enough for my ex and i can guess that your ex made you feel the same . Good luck to you . You are worth more !

Yes we are divorced....so I do feel some relief..LOL.Things at this point seem to have taken a turn. He has done things and said things that really shows me that he wants to be with me and only me, so much it seems kind of obsessive. (wow, I always wanted him to love me like this but never expected it to happen) I guess after all this time it scared him to know how much he has pushed me away with his lies and games. All he talks about now is how hes going to win me over, and be faithfull---trust me the word faithful was never was in his vocabulary. He's told his family and has even talked to my mom about his intentions. I guess I do feel like giving him a chance--I mean what more do I have to lose? I just know that I still have A LOT of resentment. I already put my foot down and made it clear that if he wishes to be with other women he can do it freely, he just wont have me around........trust me it's hard but maybe the fact that we married at 19 and divorced at 21 had something to do with it...we are only 22 now but still waiting to see if things will work out hopefully we are a little more mature. what would you suggest I do to make sure I am doing the right thing?? How do I know when a man has truely changed?? Trust me I still have so many doubts in my mind, and Im still haunted by the past.

Just trust your instincts, go with the gut.Men can not be forced to change, but sometimes they really can change when faced with the thought of losing someone they really do love . My advice to you is be very cautious .My ex was so incredibly controlling .Now that i am out of the situation...i look back and think how in the world i ever took that from him....what to wear..who to talk to.... no white clothes...no jeans ... no makeup ... crazy stuff like that .It really has so much to do with their upbringing & yours .I wish i was as strong then a i am now, maybe we would have had a fighting chance...before letting other people into our lives. You live andyou learn . Just be smart and remember to listen to head more than your heart . I still love my ex i always will . We are just not right for each other. How do you know if he has truly changed , good question, true change lasts more than to weeks,lol . Be friends, try to take the s_x out of the equation.....sometimes it's confusing. If your guy wants to be back with you he will move mountains to make it work ! That's how you know . Just don't let him play any games with you. Sounds like he may have some growing up to do . Do you have any kids ? That always makes it harder . We always want the best for our kids . OK well, my baby just woke up . So, take care . kim

post above was supposed to say ......" change lasts more than Two weeks "not to weeks.

Hi, thanks for your advice. We have no kids, but we have 2 angels. We still have dreams of starting a family someday...I know I was holding on all this time because I wanted to get pregnant again (selfish me) I have been listening to my head a lot more instead of my heart. I just got to the point in my life where I wont take that kind of s***. I went through a lot with him aswell, I mean if I could go back, I wouldn't put up with it from day 1. Like I said Im giving him the benefit of the doubt, and Im having him prove himself to me....I have all my sences up on guard. I just feel that we are on a very thin line if he ever messes up again. (that's why we got to build trust) I think the biggest mountain he has to move is the one in front of my heart. Will know in time. Thanks again. :)

Shelly................so, what has happened ??? did you see your babys father yet ?