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i'm going through the exact same situation. i too am 8 months along and he needs a break. i think he also wants to be with others. Did it get easier for you? what helped you through? any advice would be appreciated.

any time a guy says this kind of garbage he's thinking i really wanna bed that other chick, but in case i get rejected and have major blueb___s i need you to be around ready and waiting so i can run back to you, sleep with you, satisfy my need, and go back out "hunting." Dump that a-hole now. sorry for being blunt, but he's just a player and you're the sorry one on the side... you're better than that!

Think of your unborn child, STD's!!!

My boyfriend broke up with me when I was 4 months pregnant because "he didn't have time for a relationship" then he got into another one two weeks later, and engaged 3 months after that (go figure) At first, the thought of another woman was hard to accept (especially since he didn't even have time for me!), but as more time went on I was glad I'm not with him. I think about how he treated me during my pregnancy (complete neglect.. even when we were together) and how he's acted this whole time... he is not someone I want to be with. I don't trust him; I don't respect him; and those are two VERY important things for me to have in a relationship. I need someone with integrity, and a man who would dump his pregnant girlfriend and then get engaged before the baby's even born does NOT have integrity (in my opinion). I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant, and happier than I've been in a long time. I'm thankful I don't have to worry about him.. haha. Now, I'm not sure exactly what ??? meant by "think of your unborn child, STD's" but if they were talking about your ex cheating and then sleeping with you they're exactly right. That is how good faithful people end up with STDs. Their partner cheats, gets an STD, and then gives it to them. So if you suspect that your boyfriend is cheating, I would either stop sleeping with him until you know for sure, or just get out of the relationship.

thank you for the replies!! i have a question though....how exactly did you seperate the 2 issues? you being pregnant and dealing with him as the father and then dealing with him as an ex that you're having to get over? it's so hard for me to seperate them. how did you get over the images of him with someone else out of your head? i cant help but to be hurt just thinking he might be giving himself to someone else. what helped you get over him? i find this to be the hardest to do. thank you again!! D Oh and these questions were directed to April.

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Well... since you're further along it's probably going to be harder for you, since you will have to deal with him at visitation right away. With me I had a few months to get over everything. At first the thoughts running through my head killed me. I had to force my food down, and had a little trouble gaining weight (all of my doctors appts. were good though, thank God!). It's true what they say, though about time healing all pain. It just got easier as time went on. Also, what I did that always helps me get over the jerks I date (I always seem to pick bad guys) is I write down (in a notebook) all the mean disrespectful c___p they do to me, and how it makes me feel. Then, when I feel like I want them back I just read what I wrote in that notebook and that reminds me of why I don't want to be with the guy (because you tend to forget things when you think about the "good times") I don't know whether this will work for you or not, but trust me, it's worth a shot! Also what helped me get over my ex was that he was a complete ASS to me. Not to my face though, but who freakin dumps his pregnant girlfriend and then AVOIDS her?? and to top it all off... he says he did NOTHING wrong... I just lost ALL respect for him... he just seems so ignorant and my doctor even asked me if he was mentally unstable (because of the things he's done in the past few months... and the fact that he's 27 and should know better). So just think about your relationship... are you happy with how things are going? do you want to put up with this for the rest of your life? do you trust your boyfriend? if the answer is no to any of those questions... get out, and be strong about it. It WILL hurt at first, and you will have tons of thoughts running through your head that you're going to hate, but trust me... it gets better. Time will make you get over him, and to speed up the process just keep your eyes open for all of the stuff you hate about him. When you miss him, think about the stuff he did to you, how he hurt you. That's how I got over my ex.

Also... in answer to your question about seperating the issues of being the father and the ex.... you have to change your mindset to do that. You have to focus on the well-being of your child (which is something women without children aren't used to doing). I just knew that I was going to do whatever was best for my child, whether it hurt me or not. If I had my way I'd be raising my daughter on my own and my ex could stay away from us, but I know that that is not what's best for my daughter. Children need their fathers. So I just have to put my feelings of disgust for him aside, and do what's best for her... get along with the ex. (I also want to point out... that for those who think it's better to stay in a bad situation for the sake of the child... I disagree with that... your child will sense your unhappiness.. and that will be bad for him/her). Anyway, what helped me is that for the first few months, most states recommend visitation be in the mother's home 3 days a week for 2 hours at a time... my ex has made so many bad decisions and not taken any responsibility since I got pregnant, I really question his judgement. So it made me feel better that I can kind of supervise the visits for a while. So basically... when he's there for your child... think of him as the father.. not your ex... but any other time.. feel free to hate him.. haha. (after a while I think you'll get good at seperating the two... just be strong... if I can do it, you can do it)

the visitation will be easier because i wont see him as much. i'm getting stationed in Cali and he's currently stationed in Virginia. he'll only be around every few months, but that's if he comes around!! so maybe i'm in a better situation then most people, less face to face time, but for my child it's harder. i dont know, sometimes i feel completely overwhelmed and not sure what i'm going to do and how, but other times i feel relieved to be out of that situation. i just want to be the best mom i can be and get over the cloudiness that's filling my brain! i know in a few short weeks i'll have someone who needs me completely and that helps me but scares me at the same time. i do feel better about the situation though. i dont long for him AS MUCH and a lot of the feelings are starting to be replaced with anger so i guess that's a turn around. i just want all personnal emotions towards him to go away. i want to think of him with indifference....apathy is the key!! i read something somewhere that this relationship that i'm going through right now is so horrible and devistating but it will get easier. it'll be just another u-turn in my journey down the path of true love!! i know that a little unhappiness right now is worth a lifetime of happiness later. i just have to pull through!!

exactly... see you seem like you're already really strong about this, so you'll do great... I almost wish my ex was a few states away.. that would be NICE.. haha... but it sounds like you're moving through the stages of the healing process.. which is a good thing! It won't be long and you really will be indifferent towards him. Everything you said sounds so familiar because I felt the same way... It feels so great when you finally get in a good place... Anyway, good luck with everything, stay strong, have a happy healthy baby, and I would like to say that your att_tude is awesome!

thank you. yeha sometimes my att_tude is good but other times it's definately a test of strength. i can tell myself and others that it will be ok but BELIEVING AND TRUSTING that i will be ok is another story. My life is definately an emotional roller coaster ride!! These ups and downs are killers....when you're in an up mood you're really up, can take over the world..move mountains, but when your down you feel like you truely hit rock bottom!! Today is a strong, i can do it alone, who needs him day but tomorrow could be a different story. you may hear me whining and needing a pick up or two so be prepared. i'm really trying to see and UNDERSTAND what i'm going through and what i need to do. it's a long process but i'm on my way!!! hope you're doing well and having a great day! oh and how's your pregnancy going..not too much longer!! i turned 32 weeks today and i cant believe of fast time has flown by! thanks again!

i'm going through the same situation. he loves me so much but when i found out that i'm pregnant his love seemed to go away. a year and a half of lies!

Hi, I'm going through the same thing as you. My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago and I'm 7 months pregnant and he told me that he just can't commit and he said that he just can't get over the fact to be with one women forever. I'm depressed and angry - I just don't think he loves me anymore and I just don't understand how love can just dissaper in a week. I'm hurt I don't know what to do.

Hey Dd, you know what the sad part about your situation and many other is?? If he says he can't comitt to you now, now that your pregnant, he never ever was ready or wanting to committ to you, even before you became pregnant. The thing is, when you're not pregnant, he feels almost free, like if anything between the two of you happened, it's easy for him to just up and leave, to do whatever he wants, because he has nothing holding him down or holding him to you...but when you become pregnant, he feels like a ball and chain has just attached itself to his ankle and that's when he starts screaming "I CAN'T COMMITT!!" it's like cry for help and it's a way to unlatch that "ball and chain" I guess that's the only way to know if you're guy is truely committed to you, is if he accepts the fact that you're pregnant and his love for you doesn't change. Sad, but true, I think anyways.

It's me again...i'm finding that today is kind of hard. i keep thinking about all the c___p and my scared thoughts are starting to come back. Steph, April, anyone could you please send me some rea__suring thoughts that i will be ok and it does get better? thank you. i just feel myself sinking back down...d__n this rollercoaster ride!

Yep... I've been there D... I can remember some days when I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out... for a while after the breakup I cried every day. That's why, like I said, it's not an easy thing to do... but it DOES GET BETTER. I haven't cried in months. I haven't even felt bad in months. You just have to get yourself through that bad part and then everything's okay from there on out. I'm now 3 weeks away from my due date... and I'm sooooo excited. I don't even care about the father or what he's doing. I'm just so happy that I'll finally have someone who deserves all of my love and attention. So focus on your little one right now. In a few months (and it goes by quick!) your baby's going to need you. You will have all the love you'll need then... and it always feels great to be needed by someone else. So try not to think about the stuff that's going on right now, just think about all the great things that are coming to you in the future! :) I'm so happy right now.. and you will be too!!!!!