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hey guys, ok i am very confused about what i should do, i am 18 weeks pregnant and my bf and i broke up at 6 weeks into it, we are both 17 and very young i know, but i made a decision to keep my baby and i will give it everything i can, but the other half is immature at best, friends of mine have offered him respectable, well paying jobs to help support us but he refused all of them and just plainly said"i dont want to work", i think that that is ridiculous, i have made changes in my life so as i can best support my baby and yet he thinks its a free ride and he can do whatever he wants, i feel lost, he has been kicked out of school for getting drunk there and has an alcohol problem, not long ago he was arrested for getting drunk, breaking in and vandalising a school, he has a criminal record and last week was in a car crash with his drunken mates, yet he call s and abuses me because i told him i dont want him to have anything to do with me or the child, i know that may seem selfish, but i am no longer making decisions in my own ineterests, i have to look out for my child and sending my baby for weekends with her drunken, criminal father does not seem to be the smartest move. but others have told me i am being selfish and he deserves to see his child, and at first i agreed, but i am halfway through the pregnancy and still he has done nothing in preperation, he doesnt call me to find out about ultrasounds or the babys health, yet demands he see his child. it all seems so one sided and unfair. i dont know what to do, if i moved away,i know he would come looking for me and make life very difficult, but that annoys me even more considering he didnt want the child in the first place, but some where along the line he has changed his mind. he is an attention seeker and told me that he had (mind my spelling) skitzofrenia, and acted it out on several occassions, but i know he doesnt have it, he lies and is untrustworthy and i hate the thought that he can just walk in and do as he pleases with my child. if anyone has any advise or anything, please reply as i am at my wits end i just dont know what to do, am i truly being selfish?
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First of all, do not let him control you or your decisions with fear. You can get away from him, and you dont have to do anything for him. It may not be easy, but he is not in charge of you nor your life. How do your parents feel about this? Are they offering you any help?
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Your motivation is the baby's safety, so NO, you aren't being selfish. He is unstable. Surround yourself with as many people who also want your baby to be sfe and healthy. Also, once the baby is born and he sees how much work it is to take care of him/her, your ex-bf will be much less likely to want to take part. It sounds like he just wants rights because you don't want him to. And kudos for you for keeping the baby and trying to do the right thing for him/her!
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Brunette, you are by now means being selfish. If anything, I think you are preparing to be a good mother. A good mother will protect her child from ANYONE who could do harm, including the sperm donor. Yes, that's how I refer to men who impregnate someone but don't stand up to be real fathers. Please get out of the situation if only for your child. It will be better for you in the end. Disregard those people who try to tell you he has a right to see his child. Not if he could cause harm he doesn't. Yes, still make him pay up to support the child. Getting child support does not automatically ent_tle him to visitation. Good luck, Brunette. You sound like you're already getting on the right path.
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It sounds like your very mature for being only 17 which is good considering in a few short months you will be a mom. Glad to hear your taking responsibliity for your baby and that you kept him/her. Your ex may tell you and demand that he sees his child, but he only has rights if he goes through court and says he is the father of the child adn proves it. If you have fear for yourself and for your unborn child then go get a restraining order against him. Don't let him put stress and fear on you and your baby. its not good for eithe rone of you. seems like he wnats to have his cake and eat it too.. well guess what .. it doesn't work that way. If he's not gonna get a job and do anything to be somewhat of a role model to or for you or this child.. then take him right out of your life. maybe one day he will grow up and realize what he is giving up.. a wonderful woman and a wonderful baby on the way. Hopefully you have family and friends that are on your side and that you can talk too aswell.
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He cannot walk in and do as he pleases with this child, so don't worry about that. You can prove that he is unstable given his history of alcohol abuse (doc_mented by dept. of education), criminal record etc. Don't worry. If you don't want your child with him, that is totally up to you.
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thankyou all so much for your replys, it is such a relief to know that there are people out there who are willing to listen and help. After reading your answers i have made an appointment to speak to legal aid and find out where i stand and what steps i can take. i am really determined now, thankyou soo much for the help, you have no idea how much it has inspired me to take the steps i need. i have a small number of friends and family who will do anything for the benefit of my little girl ( yay a lil girl i found out a few days ago), and i do have support, i just needed to ask others about my situation who are not going to give me a bias reply, thankyou all soo much again, and i will keep you updated as to how my appointment goes. thanks again.
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