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Okay firstly I'm having a really spacey day too. Just have to stop and laugh at myself. Now *Nerdy Girl* there is a huge difference between having difficulty enjoying being pregnant and blaming my baby. Being pregnant is more than having a baby grow inside of you, it changes your whole body, mind and soul, as I'm sure you know. But it is really hard being by yourself. Its exhausting working all day, coming home to keep house and then doing everything you need to to be healthy. Its definately not a burden, its just hard. And I wouldn't say that I blame ANYONE. Not my baby, not myself and not even my babies daddy cos to say that I do would suggest I regret my decision and I DEFINATELY DO NOT. You have said you would find it hard if your husband left you so you don't know how it feels. Please stop a__suming how I feel towards my little boy and just accept that it is difficult. And hey you may not agree with abortion. Thats your trip. I personally think it'd be worse to bring an innocent baby into a horrible situation (which luckily mine isn't too bad). Yes it has you to protect it, but you can't stop all the emotional scars. You can't shield it from everything no matter how much you want to and sometimes I think it is worse to force a child into a situation that can be extremely negative, damaging and sometimes abusive instead of releasing it's soul to come back in a better situation. Again I am lucky my situation isn't that bad, but it was important to me to start this journey with the a__sumption that I would be with the father. Without judging anyone, I want to say that I have grown up with two parents madly in love and they're my rock. I couldn't live without my dad. He inspires me and has picked me up when I've fallen countless times. I know I can always count on him to be there for me. Is it really so wrong to want that for my son? And as for whats good for someone with depression (not to mention the fact that you don't "believe in it") how is it any better to not give him the option? Of course I left it up to him. I didn't want him to feel trapped and I wanted this baby to have a father who wants him to exist. And lastly, I'm not chasing him. I am allowing him to be apart of this pregnancy and I am not forcing anything onto him. I don't want him to do things just because I'm ha__sling him to. I'm allowing him to have the option to be there as much as he wants. It's very interesting that you state he doesn't want to talk to me and is refusing to do things i ask of him. I don't know where you got that from.

And dear *Gailya*, how are you? Isn't being spacey fun? Although I have to admit I am now somewhere between being delightfully spacey and just grumpily exhausted. My jobs really physical, i've been up since 5am and today my body is aching. And your right about keeping my head up. My head space is a lot more positive since I first posted my question. I think that knowing the s_x of my bub has helped me be even more excited because now I can picture my little boy. And I'm knitting him a blanket. Isn't it just the most amazing feeling to feel bub kick? My little mans really getting the knack of his little legs. It seems that everytime I stop to lay down he just wants to play. Its so cute, except at 4am when he wakes me up. I'm trying to listen to more music. Especially music that makes me smile and want to sing really loudly. And I really have a thing for dogs at the moment. They brighten my soul. My friend has two dogs and I spend hours with them. The small one lays accross my belly and little mister likes to kick her. And I want to turn my phone off but I don't want to miss any calls from my friends up home (where I'm going in two weeks). Specially my best friend Petar, he's the bestest. "I don't need you but your welcome to come and visit" is a very powerful statement.I actually said that to my ex about the ultrasound but secretly I would have been devoed if he wasn't there for it cos it was amazing. And I don't neccessarily think that we will ever be a family, I just want us to be friends because we'v been friends for 7 years, seems a d__n shame if we can't be friends especially now. But I AM NOT letting him walk all over me. He knows what he has to do to be apart of my life, even as my friend. And a large part of that is to do with respect, like you. Hey I really like yours bubs name, where did you get it from? Me and my ex just can't agree on anything, except that it is going to take my last name cos I'll always be there for him. anyways gotta get this bub to bed. Sorry if this doesn't make sense I think my brains gone to sleep. Take care. Lotsa good vibes for ya xoxox

Wyatt was acturlly picked out by my mom =P and of course when we say "i dont need you but your welcome to come" we really mean "YOU BETTER BE HERE OR ELSE" lol and were both having boys!!!! Thats so cool I know that were right about 20 weeks me and you and that well get our next sonogram in 4 WEEKS!!! *cant wait* hehe anyways im in a bit of a hurry today but love ya bunches and it seems like you are allready feeling better! Proud of yaz! -Gailya

omg tht is so sad and i knw how hard it is I wanted a abortion but felt to bad about it also i felt like it was my responsiblitie to go through with this pregnancy and I thght the father would be there also but he left me and then whn i was 5 moths he wanted to try again but it didnt work now im alone and angry not only at him but at the baby and i try not to be but its hard i thk but ways i could induce my pregnancy just so i could have my life back but it hurts too but i guess all you have to think about and have faith in is in GOD and hopefully things will work out but obviously that guy need help and you being his mother or whtevr just aint healthy for you and in time he'll come around just dont force it right now

*Gailya*, what is a sonogram? I haven't been offered one. I had my last ultrasound last thursday unless anything goes wrong (fingers crossed). I'm waiting on the results. I know he's got all his organs and looks healthy. I get to go home in just 13 days. I can't wait! Then I can do preggy swimming with all the other big bellies which I'm really looking forward to, i'm hoping it will stop my hips aching. Yeah 5 months, how time flies hey! Only 4 months to go. Have you got any special plans for the birth? And *ash_cheeks* I'm sorry to hear your hurting so much. I never wanted to abort this baby, I just didn't want to bring him into a bad situation and I wanted to give my ex the chance not to be a father if thats what he wanted. Please try not to hate. It is such a negative and energy consuming emotion. I've learnt that being angy and hateful towards my ex doesn't get me anywhere, in fact it makes things worse cos it makes me feel more alone and pushes him further away. Is their no way you two can be friends? You obviously care for eachother. I am upset that you say that you hold this anger for your child. I am sure that will change when you meet him/her (do you know what you are having?) But in the mean time maybe you would benefit from speaking to a proffessional to work through your feelings. Yes it's hard to be alone. Its very lonely, but you'll always have your bub so be kind to it. And if you still feel bad when you meet him/her maybe you could consider open adoption? I personally couldn't give up my little man but thats always an option for you. Goodluck and keep me updated

Ok, clearly you don't understand what I am trying to say...and as for your abortion statement, if there is bad circ_mstances, there is always adoption. But I won't get into that with you because it is a never ending topic. Either way good luck and sorry you can't see past your own posts to come to a realization of what the true story is here. First stage for anything is denial.

Ok ash......i dunno weather to alugh or cry theres no reason to be angry with the baby if anything be angry at yourself you got pregnant its not the babys fault its yours lol It kinda p__ses me off that youd say that even! Anyways i wont get on that.....*DANNI* ok sonogram is an ultrasound same thing really lol. I am moving to MIssouri on saturday i live in georgia right now. Grrrrrrr So much to do i have to move to missuori get settled in, get my medicaid worked out (for those of you in the UK its like healthcare paid for by the government made for single mothers and children) anyways lol ill talk to you guys later =)

Wow I never read ash's post until now...and that is so sad that you think that way. I don't see how you can blame a baby for everything and not the father. How could someone be so heartless. The baby DID NOTHING. The baby didn't ask to be put in the situation and yet you are here and its sad that you blame the baby...the baby didn't tell you to have s_x and get with an a__s. So how is it the baby? You do know that the baby can feel your emotions and the baby knows if you are upset with him or her or you not wanting him or her. Makes it harder after you give birth because the baby doesn't really like you all that much. But hey its what you deserve, i just hope the baby has a good life and you get it out of your head that its YOU AND THE MAN, the baby didn't do and hasn't done anything for you to be upset with him/her. You selfish woman, I can't belive you would do that. You don't deserve the baby and I say you give the baby up for adoption. If you don't wanna go through with it at least take the baby to a local fire department and they will make sure the baby is in good hands. You don't even deserve your own child with that statement.

Hi *Nerdygirl*. You believe in adoption, I believe in abortion (I think theres enough unwanted children in our world already). But I think that you and I should just accept that we have different opinions and beliefs, neither of which is neccesarily the best. Everyone and every situation is different. As for not seeing past my post, I don't understand. Isn't everything that is on this page written as a response to my post? Therefore has every relevance to my post. And the bigger picture- am I wrong in saying the bigger picture is that all us mums should be able to put everything aside and love our little ones unconditionally? Cos I think it is. But it's easier for some more than others to put everything aside and it's a process. I can't just wake up one day and let everything that upsets me go. But I have woken up one morning and made the decision that that needs to be done and everyday I get a little closer. If I was still in denial I wouldn't have posted my question in the beginning. But I did to find support not judgement. I am not a bad person, just someone who is having a hard time so please don't hold that against me. Peace

You mentioned abortion have you decided that you want to keep the baby or are you thinking about adoption. Right now all that matters is you and your baby. Listening to what you have said about him it sounds like he will never make a good father or husband. I know its hard but. I would move on there will be other guys that will truely be there for you. I know it might be hard to get over him but, you will someday.

It is so hard for me to post this.....but I will if it helps. I understand everything you are going through. I went through it when I was 18. I had the same problem....but my bf also verbally abused me. He never laid a hand on me but he would sit on me and yell in my face, lock me in rooms (I had to jump out a 2story window to get away). It was bad. I enlisted in the Coast Gaurd because I wanted to get away....and because I wanted to. When I told him I enlisted he told me flat out "not if your pregnant!" I brushed it off....thinking whatever. The day I was suppose to leave....I was going to get on the bus for bootcamp....they gave me a pregnancy test...sure enough I was pregnant. I had to drive 3 hours back home. I had alot to think about. When I walked in the door....His eyes lit up with happyness....I told him right then...I was pregnant....He sat down and within 2 seconds of me saying that to him...he says" I'm not really to be a father!" I thought to myself "WTF" I already knew that I did not want ot have a baby with him. That if i did that he would be stuck in my life 4-ever. I knew right then....to get rid of him. I loved him so much....why I don't know. After I told him to get out. He stoked me.....then it stopped. I saw him with another women and it broke my heart ...I thought I wanted him back. Then he came back....and the same bs happened. I went to have an abortion. And to this day...I know that I made the right desicion for me. I live in an area were most kids don't get the things that they need...love, clothes, good schools...and role models. I didn't want to bring a child into this world....with a man that abused me.....how would he treat my child? Your situation is alittle differnet.....if there is no abuse...but the depression can effect everyone around him.....kind-a like a drug. After everything was said and done in my relationship....my ex is in prision for 6 years....and I own my own house. I have a loving dh that would give his life for me and a happy son that I am able to care for with no problems. I am not saying that abortion is the right choice for you...I'm just saying that it is okay if you feel that way. Only you know what is best for you. My bestfriend was also pregnant.....she had her little girl...but she gave her up for adoption...she wonders about her everday......Her little girl is 9 years old and she has never seen her. She crys all the time......she said that it was the hardest thing that she ever had to do.....Personally I don't see myself handing over a child after becoming attached to them. I know that alot of people will have there beliefs in this...but It was easier for me....and she wishes that she had done the same. Good Luck to you.

o' in most states if you give up the baby for aboption the father has to sign over his rights.

It is best to get him to sign papers but, if he won't the lawyer will post an aid in the newspaper and he has so long to respond to it before she can you can legally put a baby up for adoption. I the father comes back later and he never signed anything I am not sure he might be able to try to fight you in court. From the sounds of this guy I don't think he will. I know because I have spoke to a lawyer about this because, my husband and I are considering adoption. I am not putting you down for what you did I think everyone has to do what is right for them. If you give your baby up for adoption at least they have a life. If you want to know what happened to them there is always semi open adoption. Where the adoptive parents send a letter and pictures each year. Your situation sounds different than hers. He doesn't sound abusive. In your case it probaly was the best because your ex would be constantly tied to you and your child. Your ex would have probaly abused your child to. Your child would of had a rough life. I am glad to hear you got out of it though. Dannii this is your life and your child you need to search your heart and decide what is best for you and this baby. If he doesn't want a part of it let him walk away because, he will make your life worse being in it but, if he is going to be that way I would have him legally sign over all his rights whether you keep it or do adoption. That way he can't come back in a couple years and destroy whatever life you build. Don't worry sweety whatever you do things are gonna be alright. Things just take time to work out. Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle, thank you so much for your response. it seems you put a lot of thought into what you have said to me and i really appreciate your time and thoughts. I was a bit suprise for this post to be dug up again as i thought everyone had given up on it. The reason i had the first abortion was because my body was in no way fit to give my baby the best start in life (i'd been partyn heavily before i found out i was pregnant) and i definately do not regret that decision. I am now 26 weeks and feeling a lot better about things. There is absolutely no way i'm going to give this bub up for anyone. I'm way too excited! And my room has a huge cot in it as of today so i'm getting prepared. And i am very pleased to say that my sons father is also very excited and counting down the days. He isn't abusive at all. In fact i can barely recall moments when he has even raised his voice at me because he is a very gentle person. But he does have issues to sort out and i am very proud to say that he is doing just that. Its going to take a lot of time and hard work, it may be something he always has to work at but he's trying. I don't know if he and i will ever be able to sort out our differences but i honestly do think that he will be the best dad he can possibly be. I'm living with my parents now and i've stopped working so a lot of my stress has been relieved and i am now able to focus on the good stuff. Thank you for your kind thoughts and i really hope things go well for you

Wow thats great and I wish you the best. It is good to hear that your parents are there for you. After the child is born you really should look into college or some kind of technical school. if you do technical school make sure how much they make before you do it. For instance medical a__sistants go to to school but. after there done they really don't make very much. I got pregnant when I was 19 too. I went to school to be an ob ultrasound tech. It wasn't great money but, it was okay. The reason why I say you need to go to school and get a career is you need to look at this like it is just you and your baby. Make sure that you are able to support the two of you on your own and then if things work out with you and the father then heh its a wonderful bonus. Sorry I just realized your thing says you are 26 not 19. Anyway I will just leave this on here because, if you haven't already gotten a career it is still good advice. It is good to hear you and your boyfriend worked things out. I wish you the best, Michelle