Pregnancy Info HOME

123ABC: I sympathize with your istuation. But, please remember that there are situations where either 1) the father wants nothing to do with the baby or 2) the father proves unfit to be around the baby. That is my situation. I would love for the father to be stable enough to be a part of my childs life, but unfortunately he isn't and I can't risk my childs well being. I hope that one day he turns his life around and is, but untill then, my child will not be part of his life. And that is a decision I made myself, and I am glad that I am able to. But, as I said on here before, I also don't think it would be fair of me to ask him to pay child support, and I am not. So, in my case my child will grow up to be a wonderfull person in a Single Parent Home. Much better than if he were to be around his father.

goosifer101 - regardless of the circ_mstances i feel that a child should know their father.. imagine if you were brought up by your mom, only to find out later in life that your mom prevented you from seeing ur father for whatever reason.. Wouldn't you feel a little bit of remourse towards your mom for taking away that part of your life..? a father should be able to see their child even if it's through supervised visits.. i understand each situation is different, but it hurts to know that there are children out there in the world that have 2 parents, but it's the hatred between those 2 parents that don't allow them to know both of them... believe it or not, my husband asked the girl for an abortion when he first heard about it (he was in no way, shape or form able to support her or a child), but once the child was born, he wanted nothing more than to meet her. Men will say and do dumb things (just as women do) but that still doesn't strip them of their right to know their child. anyways, best we could do is pay for her financially, hope she's using the money for the baby and pray that one day he'll get to meet his daughter.. i also wish that there is a law where if a mother doesn't allow a father to see their child that instead of the men paying child support that a trust fund be opened in their kids names and when they turn 18 or 21 they can use that for schooling or whatever they want.. I really hate the idea that you don't get access to the child but yet you are forced by the government to dish out for a child you do not know... Meanwhile women are protected by the government and men are powerless to do anything about it and end up paying and losing lots of money only to get a few measly visits.. Laws are definetely in women's favour..

123abc so would it be ok if the father was a drug dealing moron that was the type of person to kill over money? Or an abusive maniac that beat the mother and would most likely beat the child? Sad I know but women do have s_x at some point with these type of "men". Personally, I dont feel people like that should have access to children for the childrens safety. Perhaps there are women that deny access purely out of spite... But there are many that do it purely for the safety of their children.

Plus, in a lot of these cases, the man just doesnt want to take responsibility and dont want to be involved in their childs life. If the child isnt in danger from the father then yes I wholeheartedly agree that he should be involved. This case seems to be a man basically wanting his family back, not just the baby. OP I'm sorry it hasnt worked out the way you would want. I cant see any problem in you getting access to your child. Just unfortunately the dream of perfect family life is not going to work :(

Well, 123abc, I am glad you aren't in a situation that you had to make a decision like I did. But I refuse to let my child be around this man until he gets his life together. Trust me, this is not an ideal situation for me. I would love to be in a relationship or atleast have the father be someone the child could know, but unfortunately I made a mistake by getting pregnant and I will live with those consiquences, but I WILL NOT make my child suffer for my mistake. Sorry you don't understand.

aamaria and goosifer101 - i understand that each situation is different, but then again, it's the father's right to have access to the child.. if he chooses not to be involved, then it's a totally a different story... that's what supervised visits are for and these can be arranged by court. but you cannot say that you will not let a man be a father because he's a loser, or he doesn't have his life together.. a child will suffer more by not knowing the father in the long run... right now when they are little it won't make a difference, but when they start going to school and understanding what's going on, those questions will come.. then what will u say? sorry, you don't get to hang out with your father because your mom made a mistake and your father is a loser... we are all humans and make mistakes but to punish a child for those mistakes is cruel. I have friends who are separated and the ones with happiest kids are the ones that spend time with their father... one that i have, her ex used to abuse her and she has a restraining order against him.. her daughter is now 6 and she's constantly missing her father, but her mom won't let her come near him.. It's been good 2 years since she's seen her dad.. I've talked to the dad and he's saying that she's made all these lies about him, so now the court won't let him close to the kid... once again, who suffers? it's the child.. She's my best friend and I'm trying to stay out of it, but he has nothing but love for his child.. her sister on the other hand, has access to both of her sons, is on welfare, does drugs, smokes, kids are always sitting in front of the tv, and she ended up losing custody of her children because she wasn't taking care of her boys... third one has full custody of her kid, but her dad sees her every day.. they don't live together.. the dad used to party, go out and get in fights, even spent time in jail, but watching him with his daughter, she adores him and is growing up to be a beautiful intelligent girl.. again, i understand each situation is different, but men have rights too. (this makes me sounds like a guy, but i got some crazy pregnancy hormones.. lol).. anyways, to close this off, my final thought would be to let the guy know, yes you are the father and leave it up to him... no need to play these games, go for child support as you will need it and let the guy decide if he's going to be part of his child's life or not.. if they chose not to, then you can say to your child, i've tried..

Oh, the father knows about the baby. He has made no attempt to even want to have anything to do with it, but thats besides the point. I guess I will have to agree to disagree with you. I don't see any reason why, if he wants to be a part of his childs life he can't get his stuff together to make it happen. We, as mothers have no choice but to have our life together for the wellbeing of our children and I expect nothing less from him. And as I said before, if he does, then I would have no problem with him seeing this child, but not until then. I definitely don't think its to much for any mother to ask. And, I am not worried about my child having an unfulfilled life because of it. My child will grow up wonderfully with or without this man. I am not playing games with him, this is definitely not a game to me. He knows exactly where I stand. Your friend does not sound anything like me (not that you implied she did). I am not trying to keep him away for selfish reasons, I would love to have support. I would never lie about him in court. Nothing would make me happier than to see him make it on his own and be able to take care of a child. I don't know what I will say about the father when the time comes. Thats going to be a hard situation for me, but my child and I will get through it, like any family gets through troubled times. Well, like I said, we will have to agree to disagree. All I ask that you get from this is to please be open minded. You really don't know for sure how you would react if you were in one of our situations. Mothers would do anything to protect their children. Just like your friend who was abused. I don't blame her a bit for her decision. And please try to be openminded to her, you don't know if the father is telling you the truth or not. Your friend probably needs your support more than you know.

In most cases, the burden always falls on the mother-to-be as to the well being of the child, and if she doesnt have herself together the child will suffer times 2. It was not only my ex's lack of interest and selfish nature that led me to my decision, but it was also the way he treated me in my 1st and 2nd trimester. To this day he still has decided not to look for work. That I cannot understand. No support whatsoever. His last move was out of state which is part of his routine to run away from every complicated issue. I dont know what to expect after my baby enters the world, but I will not be waiting on my ex to make a move. I must agree that I am on the fence as far as visitation, but if he does decide to visit his child, I will definitly monitor each visit. And just as someone said earlier, the consequences of what we decide fall on us, but as long as we are making it in the best interest of our child, and not ourselves.

It's the man's choice too to have s_x without a condom. Oh, and we're not all "young", sorry. I fully admit it was a mistake to ever get close the the sperm donor, but I can't take that back now. The sperm donor wants no contact with me, so how am I at fault there? Oh, i see. You are involved in your own child tussle. Well if paternity is legally established, a woman cannot prevent you from seeing your child. Perhaps you need to look more closely at the law? (unless of course you are dangerous or drug-abusing, in which case a judge probably would order supervised visits). Kudos to you for being trustworthy and working 2 jobs, but you need to realize that not all deadbeat dads are like you. My sperm donor, for example, doesn't even want to pay his half of the rent, and would rather me support him while I'm pregnant! You can't a__sume that just because YOU are a good guy that all the other men out there who women claim are deadbeats aren't in fact deadbeats. You are probably just the exception, sadly. What do you tell women whose baby-father doesn't want contact? How is that blaming the man, and more importantly, doesn't that DESERVE blame? I think so. I don't think women on this board discredit all men, I think they are dealing with their own specific pigs, and you just see it all because it's grouped together in one place. Not all fathers want to be dads.

First to candyjones i mean no disrespect but if you had followed along with all the entries you would notice that i apologized already for the "young" comment very very early on. Second you are correct it is a mans choice and actual his responseability to take care of the woman and i haven't said anything to the contrary if you had followed along you would see this. Also considering the father to be a sperm donor is kind of an oxy-moron b/c you weren't looking to get pregnant other wise why are you here. You are not at fault if the sperm donor doesn't want anything to do with you. And your right i am in my own child tussle if you would put it that way. A child is not a tussle nor a barganing chip on either side (weather on the mans or the womans) And yes i know my rights and i know what i'm ent_tled to please before posting again read all the entries it may take awhile but in the long run you will see. I have a lawyer and also I have gone to a couple of Libraries and look up information in the Family law books. YOu know even if a man is a deadbeat dad still isn't any reason to keep him from seeing the child. The ultimate decision will come from a family law judge who doesn't care about you or the father but about the well being of the child. Your tiffs are arguements are not the concern of the court. "What do you tell women whose baby-father doesn't want contact" Well it's hard to here but your over concern with the baby's father will be the courts decision not yours. You told me to look into the law and that's what it will say. Nobody deserves anything except death. "read other post and you will see my religious beliefs." the "blame" if you will lies with both parties not just men and not just women. But this is a child we are talking about, we aren't talking about who broke moms good china or petty materalistic stuff but a human life. Our children are going to know more pain by the time they are 12 b/c we as people can not get along with one another. I would to reconsile with my ex but she honestly hates me and blames me for everything that has happened. But i'm taking my side of the "blame" and i'm dealing with it like a man SHOULD. And yes i know they are dealing with thier own pigs i've read almost every single question since Nov. so i'm quite informed (as much as i can be) on alot of the "pigs" these women are dealing with. Wheather or not all fathers want to be dads does not const_tue the bigetry and hatred on either side women or men. I'll be the first to tell you I was wrong. But the only way to go is up. As i've stated before i am not trying to act out of anger but i am a man and it does get to me when i read the post i'm sorry it's human nature. BUt like all of you I too look for support and Honestly if i could take this burden from my ex and I be the one pregnant I would. it's not fair on the mother/father and the child to go it alone. I just wish every one could just take the responseabilities like grown adults either male or female. Sorry this was so long int 4:40 in the morning here and i just go off work and if i dind't write this now i wouldn't have gotten done. I bid you all a goodnight and sweetdreams

lol candyjones I call the father of my daughter sperm donor too :) Erock I wish there were more considerate blokes out there like you. But unfortunately there's a lot of irresponsible idiots. The 'father' of my little girl decided it wasnt for him and chucked me out our home when I was 3 months pregnant. Despite this I have always left everything open for if he wants to be part of her life, I'd never deprive her of her father. But he just doesnt want to know he's seen her 3 times and all those times he couldnt get away fast enough. To me its pretty sick. But hey ho.... I'm lucky enough to be with a wonderful man now who absolutely adores my daughter and treats her as his own :o)

E-rock, what Christian school do you go to? I will roll if you go to one in New York!! :)

Sorry but no, I live in Dallas

Texas! How warm is it there right now? My dad went to school at Texas University. I know you're in a bad situation, and hopefully you learn from your mistakes, but I'm glad that you're taking cla__ses and are working to make things right. Keep us posted on how things turn out. I'm sure I'll get a bunch of people jumping all over me for this, but do you excuse your behavior on account of "I'm human. That's why we have Christ."? Just because we're born with a sin nature and make mistakes, that's not an excuse to do whatever you want because "God will forgive anything". I know you didn't say that, but that's the line that a lot of people give. Ok, I guess I'm just wondering what your convictions as a christian are to be sleeping with your g/f for a year and a half, especially when you're going to school to be a youth minister!

Well right now it's really fluctuating between cold and warm. No in no way do i excuse my behavior for what i've done. I just did was every Christian in a position of sin does. I justified my actions so that i didn't feel guilty and the longer i kept it up the more "ok" i became with it. I knew it was wrong the whole time but i was living for myself and not God. My convicitions still lie with God and my faith as well. I don't coem from the best of back ground on a religious stand point. So when it comee to matter of pure faith it is sometimes alot harder for me to accept the Bible or things that God has to say in my life. My main justificaiton was that her and i where going to get married. Was it wrong yeah, but in alot of peoples opion my minister, and mentors alot of what i'm dealing with now is the consquence of the sin that i lived in for so long. So while my ex is doing this i'm taking this time and coming closer to God so that in any case wheather or not i end of marrying my ex or another woman, I can support them as a Man of God. Well the only new developement that is going on is i'm going to start sending my ex money for bills and what not. Since her lawyer will not return any phone calls or letters this is going to be a way he has "deal" with me and my lawyer to show i'm not going any where. Thanks for all your support.

I'm glad you took that the way I meant it and didn't get all mad at me. God can turn anyone's life around. Does your g/f claim to be a christian? It sounds like you're going about things the right way. If you don't mind my asking, why do you think you're a christian? I mean, what is your testimony? Not trying to sound like you're not going to Heaven because you made some very bad choices, I just want to know. When were you saved? What does your school believe doctrinally? Playing 20 questions! :)