I M Torn Should I Leave Him
5 Replies
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I have been with my bf for about two and a half years now...we're both still in college, and I think i may be pregnant now. the two of us have been having a lot of small, really stupid and pointless arguments in the last 6 months or so...but we both still really love each other. he's really caring and he treats me really well...except that he doesnt believe in "equal partnership" in marriage. his beliefs are really old fashioned - the wife stays at home and runs the house and takes care of the children while the husband works and provides for the family. I'm pretty old-fashioned in that sense as well....i've always hoped to be a stay at home mom. but he's got EVERYTHING planned out for how he wants to raise the kids and how he wants to live as a family...and they're good ideas and i like them - but i just know that he's not willing to change any of that. he's so stubborn....he doesnt even want to listen to my arguments when we disagree on the right way to do something. he wants to get married soon...i can see myself with him living so happily - but in the back of my mind i worry that he's too controlling and that i might end up miserable. what do i do?? i havent told him that i believe i'm pg..i dont want to say anything until i know whether i want to be with him or not. am i wrong and being selfish? i just really need some female advice!!
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i know that he will be responsible and a good father...he's so motivated to do all that. i guess i just need to know if its WRONG of me to stay with someone when i know that he's controlling and single-minded. i dont have to worry that he wont provide well...or that he won't treat me well....most likely everything will work out fine...its just that in the back of my mind i worry that whenever we disagree in the future, i'll always have to be the one to give in because i know he never will. i'm just stressed out because i feel like i need to make this decision now....before i tell him that i believe i'm pg...
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It seems like he is pa__sive-agressive. If you are having doubts about your relationship and he refuses to change, I would say have a talk about how you feel and MAKE him listen. If he's not even willing to hear you out he probably won't even let you give your input on any big decisions. I had a boyfriend who was that way and broke it off because I couldn't stand to be expected to seen and not heard. Not saying that your boyfriend is that bad, but that's how most men were back in the day. If he won't let you discuss your feelings on small things, you will be lving under his thumb on big things, too. In a family, the mother and wife/girlfriends input on family matters are just as mportant and should be just as valued as the mans opinion. Goodluck and congrats on your pregnancy if you are. ;o)
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thank you for your advice. i just feel so mixed up inside...i love him so much - i don't know what i'd do without him. chances are that things would be okay - its just the small chance that things wouldnt be....and there's no way of knowing for sure until it happens and then it will be too late....should i tell him about the pregnancy now...or should i wait until i figure out what i want out of our relationship? i know he would be thrilled about having a baby - he's been wanting to take that step for a long time now. i just don't want to create a situation that i'll regret later. he's controlling...but he's smart. i trust his decisions...so its hard to just leave him. i just can tell he's controlling...i'm probably not making any sense what so ever...
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Just tell him that you need him to listen and be there without judging while you let him know how you feel. I would wait until you know for sure you are pregnant before letting him know, otherwise he may get his hopes up just to find out you are not expecting. No relationship is 100% so any can fail, so you need to get this out in the open about your opinions. Go with how you feel and trust your insticts. And yes you are making sense to a person who has been there, LOL.
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I will tell you that my bf is kind of like that. I am not. However, I started slowly doing little things that I wanted to do. At first we'd b__w up and have huge fights over something like what I cooked for dinner but now its like we never fight because he just realized he can't control me and I can't control him. Talking is great with women but men's brains are wired differently and they will tune you out without meaning to. Just take it slow. Do something that might irk him a little and see how he reacts. If he b__ws up let it go (as long as its not violent). After a few months of this he'll either be better or you'll know to run. Luckily for me my bf saw the light. LOL. I wish you luck.
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