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YES you are being silly and get over it already! You decided to have a baby with a guy that already has 2 children, so love them, embrace them and except them. Why would you want to "steer away" from anything that is like his other kids?!?!?!? You should be proud that he still has them in mind and cares for them and is a decent father. Good luck!

I personally don't think you're being ridiculous. You want this child to be it's own individual, not just another in a growing brood. If his other 2 children were yours also would you want each one to have a part of his name or would you want each child to be separate?

newmommi08...people who tell you to get over it may not fully appreciate how you feel. It's honestly been very hard for me to feel much of an attachment to my stepkids. For a mult_tude of reasons....and before someone gets all up in my face...go sit your tail right back down. There is no verbal or physical abuse going on here. These kids are teens now anyway. I've been married to their dad for 5yrs. Problem? I HATE their mother. She is a loser piecoc___p. She constantly pawns off her share of the responsibilty to her kids....on my husband....but also tries to insinuate there is something wrong with ME for not wanting to do HER job. She makes me sick and I totally disagree with the way her and my husband handle their kids. But....I divorce myself from it because I was not their problem. If people think I am a b___h....so be it. I do not have the energy nor inclination to mother someone elses kids. My influence HAS helped the kids though. Without my influence....they'd be continuing to live a life of catch as catch can. I brought.....consistency into the picture. I provide my input and advice behind the scenes more than anything.... But I am not about to do some other b___hes job who has had the NERVE to badmouth me as not doing enough for HER kids who she does ALMOST NOTHING for. My husband and I had a son this year....he is MUCH younger than dh's 12 and 15yo...or my 21 yo. There is NO WAY I will allow my son to be raised in anywhere close to the same manner. Unlike the ex b___h, I take MY JOB AS HIS MOM very seriously....and NEVER would I forsake MY responsibilty to him to his dad if we were divorced. I sure as hell don't want him being raised by a step anyway. I also grew up a stepchild myself and came out no worse for wear. But...maybe some women are better than I.....for it just isn't really in me to be a cuckholder. My husband is a good man and recognizes the fact he cannot "expect" me to mother his kids. They HAVE a mother. I will save my mothering for my dd who is 21....and our son. Now when his kids are good with their new little brother...that does tend to bring me closer to them. Maybe someday things will soften....but you'd have to see just what his ex is like. UGH. So.....newmomm08....I feel for you!

oops. Meant..."I was not there from the start of all of this"

I understand it from both sides, but sometimes it is just hard for me. I hate..absolutely hate the other kids mom but i have to deal with her. I guess part of me feels like I am out of place because these kids arent mine. I mean I take care of them just as much as she does and their dad, but I dont know. I guess I just think that my baby shouldn't have anything to do with his old life because i have nothing to do with it...I love the kids...I feel bad for feeling that way..its not like i think my baby is better than the other kids...just that that was his old life and this is his life with me...not her! MAke sense?

hmm...guess my last post was deleted? Or didn't post correctly. Don't think it was offensive in any way. Dunno. Good luck regardless

If indeed my last post got deleted....there must be some overly sensitive ppl out there who cannot take it when someone is candid about their feelings as a stepparent. Probably many other people out there who feel the same....but won't admit to it because it is non PC to do so. Walk a mile in a stepparent's shoes! Maybe the post did not get deleted...but still?? Take care everyone

What are you talking about...nobody even said anything about your post. And no one is overly sensitive about their feelings about being a step parent either... I love those kids and I love that they are in my life..it has nothing to do with them!

Newmomm my last post was not directed at you. I read you second post...and then posted a long response which did post to the site. I checked back later and the post was no longer there...so my last blurb was posted rhetorically...not to you. sorry

newmommi i dont think you are being ridiculous at all. regardless of how many other kids he has the fact is that this baby is YOURS and HIS, you want your baby to be individual and unique to you, not being given a name that one of his other children has. its completely understandable. franny's comment was a bit harsh as you never said you were not accepting of his other 2 children. its perfectly human to feel the way you feel, its your baby and therefore the most important thing in the world to YOU.

newmommi08--understandable to want your daughter to be an individual, but just watch out for pushing her too hard in the other direction just for the sake of wanting her to be different from "them." And as far as the anger towards his ex goes, try and make peace with it as best you can. You are in this situation for a reason (hopefully b/c you love the man) and I say you make the best of it. Holding onto grudges and anger only will hurt you in the end.

I am a stepmom and dealing with the kids' mother is so exhausting! It is such a cliche to say the ex is a witch and whatnot, but this women is nothing but evil. I have never met someone who would go out fo their way to make someone else miserable or make simple things difficult, such as not answering the phone for my dh when he's calling about the kids. Everything is like pulling teeth with that woman. I love the kids with all my heart. Well, I was there when the little one was an infant. The oldest I am not so close to because he was already older when i came into the picture. Its hard to deal with ex's and find your place with the kids!

MelissaP, I know exactly how you feel. People can do some ridiculous things just to try and make themselves feel better! It is very hard trying to find your place with the kids... its the same with me ... the little one was like 5 months and his oldest had just turned 2 so mainly trying to find place with his daughter has been so difficult. I do my best because I love him and the kids but other times i am just ready to scream! Making your way into someone else family is very difficult.