In Love With The Idea Of Him Changing
4 Replies
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Hey everyone.
I'm about 9 weeks pregnant. The father of the child is not my boyfriend, but he and I have dated about two years ago but it did not work out because he is constantly screwing around with other people. But obviously......we continued our s_xual relationship...and agreed that it wouldn't be anything but that. Then, I got pregnant. When I first told him, he kept telling me that he didn't want the baby, that we never fell in love and we aren't even together and to get an abortion. I kept telling him that I wasn't going to do that, and that I was going to keep the child. Eventually, he stopped pushing me to get the abortion and actually made little comments about wanting the baby to be a boy..
We've known for about 4 weeks about this pregnancy, and I only talked to him twice (after all the abortion talk that is..) I've told him that if he didn't want to be involved he didn't have to...but he insists that he wasn't "going to be like that". If he wanted to take part...wouldn't he try to talk to me more and see how things were going? I feel like he's going to ignore me for the next 7 months and suddenly show up when the baby's born but I don't think its fair.
Truth is...I have feelings for him. I know I shouldn't, because he doesn't know how to be faithful. He doesn't even have feelings for me. I think im holding on to the hope that he could one day change but I think that is a fairy tale that won't come true. Its been killing be because I wonder what he's doing and if he's still messing around with other girls...I have no right to get mad because im not with him. and I put up a front and said I didn't care what he did when in reality it hurts.
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You haven't dated in over 2 years but you are still having s_x. That right there tells you his is still screwing around with other females. I don't want to be mean but after he stopped with the abortion talk I didn't read that he was saying he wanted a relationship with you, just wanted to know how things were going with the pregnancy. Obviously the guy is self centered and doesn't really care all that much about you. I would say to try your best to forget about what he's up to (I know that's easier said than done) but over time one of two things will happen...either he will come to realize his cheating ways and decide to settle down with one woman (which I doubt) or you get past seeing him as a possible love interest and start seeing him for the womanizer that he is.
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Most men don't change and it doesn't appear that he has offered to. I would work on getting over him, but allow him to be involved with the baby for the baby's sake. It won't be easy, but it sounds like you are just setting yourself up for more heartbreak.
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I was in almost this exact situation during my pregnancy. It was like reading my own story. It was when our daughter was 4 months old my now fiance stopped his cheating and lying and now we are very happy together. That was a year ago this October. Now we have our own place and are expecting baby #2. My fiance was one of the few men who honestly do change. So i say if you love him and want to be with him, dont give up. I didnt and am so so glad.
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wow...I also was in a similar situation once I found out I was pregnant. I think that you should go along with your pregnany with out these high hopes that you two will be this "perfect" family. I know exactly how you feel. Reality is you want him to be there for your appointments, late night cravings, moments of him feeling the baby kicking and feel it is not fair for you to go through with everything all alone. He may tell you he won't be around and just pop up when the baby is born but something has kept him around for two years just for s_x so .....read between the lines!!! although I don't think you should give up on hope! You need to focus on the health of the baby with out wondering if he is sleeping with another chick! The baby was created and is now growing inside of you even if he has other chicks to run to. You two are now forever bonded regardless of the circ_mstances. Just have hope, be healthy and keep your head up high...everything happens for a reason and I believe anyone can change. Just remember that if you do continue to have s_x with him be smart because if he is having unprotected s_x with you he maybe doing the same with others so be protected because you now have to take care of not only yourself but your baby as well.
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