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HECK NO, you are not wrong. And I can't believe anyone would say that. listen to Heather27. Let him take the initiative. AND you have NO CHOICE but to leave his name off the BC if he's not present when you sign. this is a VERY IMPORTANT doc_ment, especially if you ever plan to be traveling outside the country. Nothing makes me madder than the idea that my son's father could have prevented me and my son from working, traveling, and promoting my book (the Single Woman's Guide to a Happy Pregnancy-- it's on Amazon READ IT) if he had simply felt like making my life miserable, and that could have happened if his name had been on the BC. He does now pay child support and have visitation, but I have the say in this. Men DO NOT have the right to control our lives and thos of our children simply because they were there at the conception, espcially if they take our energy away from having a full like during pregnancy by introducing all this drama. And the birth certificate will have NO BEARING on whether or not you get child support-- it had nothing to do with my getting child support because after paternity was established, changing the birth certificate was not necessary. I say good for you, girl! Take control!

Ok, the FOB is becoming strange. I called him to give him an update...asking if he really wanted to be invovled. He said he still wants to see the child but wants nothing to do with me. But then he turns around and stalks me. A friend of mine was having a party at a bar for her co-workers b-day. She begged me to come saying it would be nice if I got out of the house. I left her a note on her myspace saying sure I'll go but I won't be staying long. Anyways, my ex (FOB) was always jelous of her boyfriend. He thought the guy had a crush on me...and so he hated going to that bar and said he never would go there again...but low and behold he was there. So he shows up uninvited...and then just stares at me all night. I thought I would be the bigger person so I said "Hi" and he just stared. He always just close enough to listen in on my conversations but never really did anything. I don't get men. Or I don't get him. He is being such a child...I mean he completely dropped out of school this semester...is just sitting at home on his a__s all day, complaining of how I have done him wrong. When you know he could be getting a part time job...not to give me any money but for his own self respect. I mean he is 26 years old and still living off of daddy. I had my own job and money at 13. There was a brief time at 19 when I lost my job for three months and had to ask my parents for money so I could go have some fun and it killed me. Don't get me wrong when I was in high school and even college my parents paid for my major bills, but not my play money. If I wanted to go have a good time, I better have earn the money myself. His daddy pays for everything. And if it wasn't daddy it was me. I mean how can a guys repsect himself. Ok sorry I just needed to vent.

well i have to say i dont think it is wrong at all.. i cant say i am in the same exact situation as you, but mine it quite similar and i have to say that i actually found comfort in the fact that someone else can kind of relate to me. i too have (or was told i have) pcos and was having unprotected s_x with my on again off again boyfriend for 5 years, and wouldnt you know, a few months before i was about to make a huge move to north carolina from new hampshire to basically start over, i found out i was pregnant. it didnt make me sad or anything, i have always wanted kids and to be honest the whole pcos thing put a damper on that for me. i too consider it a miracle. so to make a long story even longer, the babys father made some false promises to me telling me that he was just as excited as i was and all that and we could make things work this time. well guess who got a girlfriend (and apparantly amnesia) about two weeks after i moved south?? yeah, he pretty much found himself a new "v____a" and seemed to draw a blank on the life he promised me. and it was all my fault too, wouldnt you know it. ..lol.. i love how they are always the ones looking for sympathy.. anyway, so after getting over the initial stupid heartbreak from someone i knew just wasnt worth my tears or emotions, i decided to completely cut him off. he wasnt showing interest anyway. seems he forgot how excited he was when we found out. i guess what i want to say to you is , yeah, i think it will probably be hard sometimes when we stop to think about what we are going to tell our children when the time finally comes that they want to know where daddy is, but i think in the long run, it is better for them not to know such pieces of c___p, than to have them in their lives screwing with their emotions. sure it makes dr visits awkward sometimes when you say the father isnt active in their life, makes you kind of feel like you belong on maury, lol.. but really, i think it is ok. first of all, it takes a strong woman to realize and to know that she doesnt need the man to do it with her, that she can do it on her own, you know? all right, i hope this might have helped, and if it didnt im sorry, but please know that it has eased my mind knowing im not alone. i hope everything kicks a__s for you like im sure it will. and congratulations on your little miracle ;o)

babymomma it did help knowing someone is going through something simular

Ok, by no means are you wrong. I am 16 and 5 months preg. My fiance left me 2 months ago and now he doesn't want anything to do with me or his child... He isn't even claiming that the baby is his and I will be d__ned if his name will be on the birth certificate. I will tell you like I have been told many times and I know from experience it is true. You will find someone to love you and someone that will be a father to your child. I am now dating the most wonderful guy in the world. He is so excited about taking on the responsibilty of this baby and being a father! We plan to be married before I give birth so he will be on the Birth Certificate as the father. It will all be ok. I can also tell you that if the fathers name is not on the Certificate he has no legal rights what so ever to the baby until he pays for a DNA test. I hope everything turns out well. Let me know

expectingapreciousbabyboy~ Keep a child away from the parent that was responsible for giving them life is wrong, and while he may say he doesn't want anything to do with the baby that could change, and your child deserves the right to know who his/her real parent is even if they choose not to have a relationship with them. It's not just thier father you are cutting out but the entire family on that side, they (your child) has the right to know all of their family...not just the one you pick out for them.

I have to agree with vjr, this problem appears to have been brought on by your own decisions. You said he is in college studying to become a doctor, do you have ANY IDEA how grueling, mind-numbing, health stealing and exhausting that is? You also said he stated one of his biggest fears was getting a girl pregnant while in school...and yet you didn't take YOUR BC pills. Yes, he could have NOT had s_x but short of that it appears you had informed him that the birth control was being handled by you. You in essence took his choice away in making a baby or not. No one would wear protection with their lover if the birth control was adequate (which it seems you falsely said it was). So it comes down to a young man who made it VERY clear he had significant goals in life and you, a woman who in essence defrauded him by misrepresenting your ability to responsibly take care of birth control. Yes, men are responsible too, but you must have made it clear it was handled. So now he is a jerk? I am rather tired of women doing this sort of thing over and over to young guys (or not so young) and then expecting everthing to be just fine. Your BF had a vision and goals for HIS life, just as you did/do, why is he the only selfish one here? Mind you, I do not believe a woman should EVER get rid of her pregnancy because Daddy doesn't want it, but the rules of the game have changed and you did it, so go on and have your baby for that is your right. It is also his right to have had some say in the conception...and just by having s_x is not having say. If you had told him "I am not taking my birth control pills regularly" he THEN would have had to make a choice before continuing relations with you. You took that from him and now the reaction he gives is not selfish, it was hoodwinked. Sorry this sounds so harsh, but someone has to speak up here. I am terribly sorry you find yourself in this situation and even more sorry for the little baby you are carrying. It sounds like you will love it and be able to provide for it and that is good. I do not think discussing his "selfishness" with so-called friends and already thinking about ways to deny your baby-to-be contact with him is productive or good-intentioned. Plan your health care, future plans and take care of yourself, the rest will come as it comes. If he wants to be a doctor you should let him pursue that goal, for it will benefit many people including your unborn baby. Hang in there, and in the future remember we are the ones responsible for our actions and both mommies AND daddies have the right to decide when and if they become parents. Good luck and hopefully when the baby is born he will be able to parent him/her positively.

vjr ---i came on here like you told me to to read your comments and i end up haveing to comment to you and djh.....i agree she missed her pill (as she even states in her post) but it is still not 100% her fault that she is preggo.....if he was so dead set on getting a girl preggo then he should have taken precautions as well because no BC method is 100% effective.......i took my pill everyday no matter what but i am now 16 weeks and 5 days preggo so again no BC is 100% effective so he needs to have some responsibility in this too because if you dont want to play mommy and daddy then dont play or protect yourselves

that should be NOT getting a girl preggo

ok, I honesty missed my pill for two days in a row. For three years before that I had never missed a pill. But work had me on a special project that keep me in the office for 56 hours in a three day span. I was exhusted. And the FOB was a big kid and I missed my childhood. Because my father was an abuse of a__s who told me my mothers illness was my fault so I spent my childhood trying to fix my mother. She died when I was 18. at 13 I was the one paying all the bills, cleaning the house, and still had a 4.0 at school. I still think its my fault and I live with that guilt. So between my abuse of father, and the fact that with the man who is the father of my baby I thought I deserved this kind of relationship. But I don't want my baby thinking the same thing. I don't want my baby believing the things his/her Father currently says about me. I am scared and I wish I had my mom to help me.

And both the FOB and I did use other methods of birthcontrol. He would pull out or we would use a condom. Just not evertime. Mostly on the nights where we would party and be so drunk that we couldn't even walk strait. the FOB is super fun to be with if you want no responisblities, and never expected him to do anything grown-up. When he tries to be a grown up he is just mean and hurtful and says horrible things. We were hardly serious when we were together. It was mostly going to theme parks, movies, bars, and parties. I really didn't mean for this to happen...I really really didn't and now I feel traped and lost and like my baby is doom to relive my life and I don't want that, but I don't know what to do.

djh as his life isn't all that grooling. Yes he says he want to be a dr. He is 26 yrs still in Jr college and has been there for 8 years where he claims he will still need to be for three more years. Once again...I know its my fault because everything seems to be my fault but I need to help my baby!!! Ande not in the way I almost did two weeks ago. I almost just ended both our lifes.

lier~ if you are truly thinking about suicide then you need a therapist a real one not a forum.

LIER! Your last post changes everything! Please don't do anything rash. Please! I came down on you hard because I have known three women who purposely got pregnant recently and did so knowing their guys were in focused life plans. These are decent men who wanted these women and children someday but thought they had discussed the baby issue thing completely. My bad for not remembering that everyone has a life story and some that were pretty hurtful. Also, no one needs 8 years of junior college for med school, so I guess he is not really on the pre-med track I thought he was. I am sorry I jumped to conclusions about his "noble quest" and hope you can forgive me. How can we on this forum help you now? No more justifications for him, let's focus on YOU.

I am sorry I hate feeling this way and making other people feel sorry for me. I don't want that. Its just that I spent x-ma__s alone and at my last dr appointment I was givin all this paper work to fill out and I keep having to put I don't know because the FOB wont even return my e-mail I sent to him asking for the basic information, and I filled out the paper work today, since my next appointment is tomorrow. I know he got the e-mail because I sent it read reciept two weeks ago. And I kept waiting for him to respond. I know I put myself in this situation and I have seen therapist for my depression. I usually handle it better its just this pa__s two weeks have gotten really hard. I guess it started honestly when I found out that the FOB is dating again and the sad thing is...and my co-workers agree...this girl looks exactly like me. I know I need to focus on new life. My mom loved babies, she said so did I. When I was four, she said if there was a baby around I was right next to it, I even kept bugging her for my own baby. Asking how I could get one of my very own. Don't worry djh I don't blame you for your comments, you didn't know, I also know alot of girls that have gotten pregnant to trap a man, and this really truely was never my goal. I stupidly made a mistake. I have made many. None so stupid, and in the back of my mind I always knew being with the FOB wasn't good for me, but I wanted to have fun so much that I ignored the other stuff until I was slapped in the face with it.(ie when I got pregnant)

Hi Lier, you sound like a really good kid who finds herself in a sh**y situation. Thanks for forgiving me my harsh words. It will be good to hear how your doctor's appointment goes, maybe when peanut starts moving pretty good and your tummy really begins to swell you will feel better about all this. Just think, you won't be spending NEXT Christmas alone! Be well ok?