Needing Serious Advice

5 Replies
a hurting wife! - August 26

Hello ladies i need some advice,i'm a married women been together for 15yrs and married 9 yrs. we have 3 daughters and 1 grand-daughter,my husband has done the worst thing to me by betraying me, he had an affair and now she's pregnant how do i handle this i love my husband and i want my marriage BUT i don't want no part of this child in MY life.can my marriage be saved in a situation like this. how can you love someone you can't trust because he's done the worst thing you can do to someone in a marriage,is my life turning for the worst after 15 yrs.?

 

- August 26

just be brave and do what ur heart tells you. and if you think that hes going to do it again you need to leave. your better then that. my prayers are with with. and best of luck to you

 

Anne - August 29

Don't take your anger out on an innocent child. It's not the babies fault. You have no obligation to the child, but if you stay with your husband you will have to be involved to some extent. You will have to completely forgive AND forget what he did in order to move forward in your marriage.

 

A piece of some true advice - September 5

Is this what your husband wants? What has caused him to do such a thing? As long as you don't trust him the relationship will never work. If you have accepted these actions and done nothing about it, what is stopping him from doing it again. You need an action to get a reaction! ex: if your child did something wrong you would have to find a punishment to fit the crime. Same with anyone who violates your trust. What stops him from doing it again if you did nothing about it the first time.If this was a neighbor who has violated your trust in anyway would you be so pa__sive about it? So why be so pa__sive about it becuase it's your husband. there are many women who deal with this situation differently, also go through this situation. I suggest you leave him for a while to figure out what you want to do about it. Get some threapy. Take a break from the relationship, he did. take time to repair your thoughts first then need to find ways to either repair what has been done or leave him. I think you should leave him temporarly to show him you won't tolerate ANYONE doing this to you. Time to get stronger!!

 

Steph - September 7

If you choose to accept him back you are choosing to accept the situation. Unfortunately, you can not pick and choose which parts to accept. The child is not going to go away and you should not a person who is willing to not accept his resposabilities as a father to be a father to your children. If you don't want anything to do with the child so be it, but you are going to have to be VERY forgiving and trusting to allow him to be a part of the childs life. It will be hard but you have to look at it from the childrens point of view...your childrens and the unborn child. So sorry for your situation!

 

C - September 7

My marriage was completely worth saving, but my situation was a little differant. My husband and I were seperated at the time of the affair. We were apart for about nine months. When we decided to give it another try, his girlfriend called me and told me she was 5 weeks pregnant. It was hard, I was hurt and I didn't understand why he couldn't have waited or been more carefull. It is hard, but it can be done. I had to forgive and forget. In our situation the mother would write and call talking about him being a part of the babys life and being her daddy, but since the baby has been born she does not want the baby around any of us unless she can come too. My husband can only see his daughter if he goes to her house, he cannot take her anywhere. His family has not even gotten to see the baby, so who knows if the other woman in your situation will let him see that baby unless he is with her. It takes a lot of work. I can honestly say that my marriage is the best it has ever been out of our 7 years of marriage.

 

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