Possibly Doing This To Myself
5 Replies
 | s - October 22 |
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im thinking about leaving my boyfriend. im 32 weeks pregnant. its not that he is abusive, or that he doesnt support me, or that he doesnt love me. he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.. previous to the baby. he is such an amazing man, and there is really nothing i can say bad about him. the reason im thinking of leaving is because he isnt ready to be a father, and is for adoption, but the closer it is getting, the more i know that i cant give my baby away. i am not going to start "our" life off together by making him take on something he isnt ready for. basically im so confused right now, because i feel like i have to choose between the two. but im the one making myself feel like this. he is nothing but supportive. i just know that things will not turn out well if i keep the baby, and he raises a child he isnt emotionally ready to have. i dont want our lives to be filled with fights, and i dont want him to have regrets, and i dont want him to blame me someday for his life not being what he wanted from it. not that he gives me any indication that he would do that, its just that i know how my parents are, and my mom blames my dad for so much (and vice versa) because they kept me. all they do is argue. im not going to rush off and get married just because im having a kid. i just cant give my kid up. i know i cant. im so sad/scared/confused. i love this man more than i can describe. we have plans to be married and have tons of kids, and live a very happy life... weve been together over 2 years, and while it might not be the longest time, it means something. ill never stop loving him, but ill never get over losing my child, if i have to give him away. i know ill regret it and think about it every day for the rest of my life....... what do i do???????
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Don't leave him just yet. You're at a super-emotional time and that COULD cloud your judgement a little. The thing you have to remember is that he helped make this baby... and ready or not.. your baby deserves a father. In time he'll come around. Some guys just get really scared up until they actually see the baby. As for him blaming you.. he's just as much to blame.. if he TRULY isn't ready for a child.. he shouldn't be having s_x.. PERIOD. I'll tell you one thing I learned tonight at a baby shower... one of my good friend's dad was there (after the shower). He told us that he grew up not wanting kids or a wife. BUT His kids were the best thing that ever happened to him and he wishes he would've had them sooner and more of them. He said if he would've known then what he knows now he would've married his wife the first week he met her and got her pregnant right away. haha. Some guys are just naturally scared... give him a chance to get over it. If it doesn't work out later... then it doesn't work out. At least, for your baby's sake, you can say you tried!
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by the way... if you DID get rid of your child because he wants you to... your relationship won't work anyway. You will resent him for the rest of your life for making you give up your baby... and you guys will end up fighting over it all the time and break up. I can almost guarantee it. Definitely KEEP your baby. You won't regret that part :) I sure didn't!
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| s - October 22 |
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i guess i didnt really say this, but he wants to keep the baby too, he is just worried about the financial aspects of it... and he is scared, just like me. i dont even know if im okay with being a mother, completely, but i do know that im in love with my baby, and its not going to just go away. i dont know what to do, im just really (yes, youre right) emotional, and this decision is so hard. i dont know what to do. i just told him about possibly leaving, and he isnt okay with me leaving, so we are going to talk as soon as he gets here, so that we can figure this out. thanks for your input. it helps a lot.
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Sounds like you guys just have a case of the nerves. We have all been there, everything will be fine. Congrats on your new baby and new life.
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| s - October 24 |
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thanks. as soon as i told him what i was thinking, he pretty much told me it wasnt going to happen... that he wasnt going to let me raise our baby alone, and that no matter what he would be there. im feeling much better about it now, and yeah, youre right, it was just a super emotional day and i was very out of my head at the time when i was thinking that....
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