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to (me too)if your messing around with a man everytime you call you get no answer,voice mail, or phones always off red flag, your unable to go to his home red flag,quickys red flag, just don't be so nieve when it comes to mens

Angry wife, Honey you don't know my situation you are just making quick judgements. Don't tell me what I need to know or not know about a man. I pity you and your husband for allowing such labels and misery to be placed on the child. It does not deserve it, and you are old enough to know better. At this point you and I could banter back and forth, but the point is useless. And I refuse to let you continue to call me names and describe to me how my life is and will be. You can continue to be juvenile and make immature comments, but you will no longer get any response from me. The affair of mine is over, the product of that affair is a child. What I believe is that this child deserves a chance at life, and I am the one going to give it that. So help me God should any person or woman dare speak a single ill word to or in front of my child there will be some serious consequences to pay. And then and only then will my actions be correctly deemed a mistake, but children are first and that is that!!

What Angry Wife is feeling is completely normal, her words may be harsh but it is probably the only way she can vent her anger at the moment. God knows that i said a lot of very hurtful things when i found out my husband was having an affair and got the other woman pregnant, and yes i did wish the baby wasnt here as it would have been one less thing to come to terms with. Yes this has changed now but it does take time. My whole world turned up side down, two of the people i trusted most (my husband and my friend) betrayed me in the worst possible way. I felt like my whole life (with my husband) was a lie. To say that i was heartbroken would be an understatement. When you feel that sort of pain you say and do things that you wouldnt normaly do, and at the moment it seems that the only way for Angry Wife to have any sort of control back in her life is to tell 'other women' what she thinks and feels. Its not really directed at you, its directed at the other woman in HER situation. You ladies have come to terms with what has happened, but you really have no idea the sort of pain she is feeling at the moment. Unless you have been the wife in these situations then you will never know the pain. To be honest it seems like the only pain most of you 'other women' have had to face is the fact that your going to be single parents and what the wife has said about you and your baby. Dont forget though that they are only words (sticks and stones will never hurt!) but actions hurt a whole lot more. Many of you say very hurtful things to, these words are like rubbing salt into a wound. The fact is we all need to stop being b___hy and slagging off people we dont know. This site is intended to help women, no matter what their situation, we should be able to talk like decent human beings and get advice and support from here.

!!!, we have had several posts between us and I have valued your words tremendously. But this last post you stated that" it seems like the only pain " we are enduring is being a single parent and the things said about our children. That is not true, we too are going through a time of serious emotions. Some of us, myself included no longer have jobs due to what has happened. This affects our livelihoods, so the man we once cared for is now the enemy in court etc. I don't see there as being one way as worse or better than the other. And yes I agree angry wife is just venting, and I am thinking that for myself she got to me on a bad day. But I am sick and tired of having to defend this pregnancy. The fact that I did not terminate and have not miscarried which are both hopes of the wife, just does not sit well in regards to the fact this is "my" deal. The husbands get to go home to their houses, their lives, and so on. And we other women are supposed to just shut up and deal with what are being deemed as consequences. We did not put this child in our bodies, but we are mature enough to realize life is not to be taken lightly. So to constantly hear that we made this choice, we put ourselves in this position, we knew what we were doing, etc. sometimes just bites.

For those that ask why did some of these women get involved with a married man? The truth is why do many of us have regrets in life, why do many look back at our lives and say what if, if only.... We are not perfect and people use poor judgement. Speaking from experience, I would not trade the father of my child for anything. He gave me the greatest happiness, however i would change the situation. I have had to ask God for forgiveness. My choice hurt many people. It is a hurt I will live with for the rest of my life. The pain of my choices hurt my best friend (him), his wife (although they were already getting a divorce and she knew nothing of me), my children, my family and the list goes on. But this is the real deal, did you ask for forgiveness, did you forgive yourself, has a lesson been learned, and most of all is do you know what a healthy relationship consist of? I have a beautiful child and the father is involved in his life now, it was not always that way. My child is a child of God, not sin. Because of my hurt to myself and others, I am able to teach my child the importance of healthy relationships. My experience has changed my life forever and brought a new life into this world. Try not be judgemental of others and pray for them. If those that are judging would hold value to their belief in God, trust God to take care of the business at hand and until then judge not others, rather believe in God for them. People make bad choices some are worse than others, but never the less we do make bad choices in our lives. I love my child with everything I have in me, but I also look at him and know that many people were hurt as a result of my giving birth to him. Just remember people like my self are not always "s___ts trying to ruin families", we like many other people in our society made bad choices that resulted in life changes. Our intentions may not have been to ever hurt people or ruin families. I know the struggle they face when pregnant. They carry a big burden and guilt beyond the imagination, but these women are some of the strongest women I have ever known. They face judgement from the wife to the religious sector, they face who will get hurt if this child is born, they face abandonment, they learn who their true friends are and are not..... the list goes on. Please don't be judgemental rather pray for them to learn from this and pray they raise their children to understand God and how to be involved in healthy relationships.I have learned that everything happens for a reason and the funny thing is in my situation his wife was the lucky one, she walked away. He was now my problem and I saw all that she had to deal with. I got what comes around goes around. I was the one answering his phone at 2am with another women on the other end who knew nothing about me and the a baby due in a month. But now i am filled with blessings and I know it is because in my heart I forgive myself and him. We are now better friends and we take care of our son. He is still working on his parenting involvement but some things have to work in Gods time. faith, strength, and prayer is what any pregnant woman needs when faced with a trying situation.

to life goes on, Thank you so much for your words and perspective!! What you expressed is honest and true, definitely what I needed today. I am working towards the point you are at, and you give me hope. Thank you again!!

to me too - please ask for forgiveness and mean it with all your heart God truly forgives but only if sincere. I did not get here easy and I certainly was not let off the hook by any means. The road has been long and I am still driving. I have a sister who thinks I had no values and does not speak to me, she also has not seen my son. Because of my sisters feelings for my situation I was asked on the last holiday if my other children could go and then my mom was kind enough to bring me some ribs. Oh course race plays a part. When my son was first born I looked at him and cried. I apoligized for bringing him into this. I didn't love him the way a mother loves her newborn, I actually felt if I didn't have him his father would still be with me. Somehow when the days were long and the nights were lonely, God truly carried me through. I prayed every tear and every other breath I took. I must have wore God out, but in time he showed me he was there. I understand why I had this man in my life, why we went through the things we did, and why my son was born. I am now in the progress of starting a non-profit organization. It is not what we go through, but how we handle it. I guess some could say I turned my failure into success. My son is my love and inspiration. God truly put in overtime and knew what he was doing. Despite the obstacles, I am steadily working my way through the course. I am looking to be in first place all do to my experience. So please keep your head up high, you now your heart and you now the good in you. Don't let anyone steal your joy, you determine your day and your joy. In the end it is not the people of society you answer to it is the man above.

Me Too...I truly didnt intend for this post to upset you or any one else on this site. My intensions were merely to tell you that i too felt the same way as Angry Wife, and thought the same thoughts as she is at the moment. That has all changed since i have been talking to you on here. You have inspired me to move forward. Your child is a consequence of yours and his actions, but for you it should also be thought of as a blessing. God has given you a child, someone you can love and who will love you in return. It has only been since talking on here that i realised that every situation is different, and if im completey honest i do still feel something like hate (hate is too strong a word, but i cant think of the right one at the mo) for the woman in my situation, not because she has betrayed my trust and had an affair with my husband, and not because she has had a baby with my husband, but because she wont let him be a daddy to his son if i am still in the picture. There arent many fathers out there who truly want to know their children but when they do they are still condemed and not 'allowed'. I am sure that everyone concerned in this type of situation has had to become a stronger person, wife, other woman, and the husband. Remember that you should never feel the need to defend your pregnancy or your actions. what is done is done. You are in a situation that is sometimes very hard to come to terms with, but you are dealing with it and doing a good job to.

to the angry wife - Truly what comes around goes around. Although my childs father is no longer married and he is slowly coming around, we still have a long way to go. My son is still a secret, his mother, brothers, and daughter does not know. I made a choice to allow him time to do the right thing rather than take the whole situation into my hands. My son needs his father and I have to allow God to work. In addition to his seeing his son, the two of us have been spending time together. But I have to tell you this, every day is hard and keeping the faith and trusting God has been hard. I now have take out the trash his wife no longer has to take out. You see I know he is seeing other women, not of his honesty, just knowing him over 4 1/2 years. I know him. I am the woman left at home with his 7 month old baby. I was the woman left in labor without him and a week before giving birth went by his apt. only to see a her car. Not looking for you to feel sorry for me or any other woman, this is a situation I take full responsibility for. I do not blame him, I am responsible for my actions and choices. I see his wife as the real winner, she has a peace of mind. She no longer has to deal with lies and games. She does not even let him pick their daughter up from her home, he gets his daughter from the grandmother. She truly has freed herself from him. My child is only a infant, my road will be long and hard. For the love of my child and my sons right to have his father in his life I continue to have patience and faith. No do not misunderstand, my sons father is a good man. We both were not ready to parents and it was completely unplanned. Sometimes the unplanned can confuse people and a child is huge responsibility. I am telling you all this because I know as the woman who became a part of the lie and a woman who was lied to throughout pregnancy both sides are very hurtful and is a pain like no other. Once you find forgiveness it is the greatest relief. I am not angry at him because i have learned to trust Gods plan, not sure what the plan is but so far things are getting better. Once I forgave I stopped saying things like, "how can you spend more time in between another womens legs than getting to know your own child....." He did not see his son until he was 3 months old. Once I forgave I did not go backwards and I relieved myself of that pain and no longer really think of the past. I focus on tomorrow, I can't change yesterday. Forgiveness became my key to my peace of mind. I had to forgive myself for my actions and him. I felt if I was to ask God for forgiveness, then i had to be willing to forgive. Ladies on both sides when hurt and betrayal take place feelings and emotions explode even to the best of people. We become hurt and have no control over it, we use words and actions to express this hurt. Angry wife I understand and I am sorry for the pain this affair has caused you and the woman in the mix I know your pain, everyone becomes hurt. I don't of anyone who walked anyway from these situations feeling a sense of goodness. Even in my case were he is coming around, I have not "gotten my man", it is a healing process and many prayers my son will have a positive father figure in his life. I do not want my son to think this is the way men are and this a way of life. Angry wife, you had every right to say and feel all you felt. Now take time to forgive and heal. True forgiveness lets the past go and does not hold it (meaning it is not a fighting tool, release it from the mind). That will take you into a better place and give you peace of mind. My prayers go out to all the women both sides.

dear !!!, Thank you for your comments once again. I have had a rough couple of days, and it was partly on this site I have allowed myself to be hurt but also to vent. I too have hate, and the hate I am feeling is more like disgust I think. And for me it is for the wife for wishing ill on me and my child. Not only to wish my child dead but to also wish it to die while I am carrying it has been hard to know. But I am expressing that on here, and you are helping me a lot . I don't want this feeling and I have never felt this way before. I am in time going to get past this feeling, that I do believe. Part of my anger also stemmed with the husband, he has defended his wife's words and thoughts but not me. I am no longer hiding anything in my life and am being honest with those around me. He has continued to lie, and it bit him in the a__s yet once more. But one thing I definitely do now believe is that this child I am carrying is a gift from God, and I am finally able to admit that openly. I have had to defend my pregnancy and it too was getting to me. But as "life goes on" stated this is a time to learn who our true friends are and are not. I am surrounded by support and even though those in my life are dissappointed in me, they also know I am doing this for the child and the child only. I am married but separated, and I have also hurt my husband. But he knows me well enough to have accepted my actions and believe in me,know my heart, and believe that what I am doing is about love for my children, those born and the one I am carrying. Instead of focusing on those who are full of hurt, and anger I am now trying to focus on those who do understand or at least are trying. As well as the fact what I am doing is what I believe, and as I am okay with it those who know me will believe I am right for not terminating. I accept this is difficult now, and will continue to be. I do not have the husband, nor do I want him. I have lost so much respect for him in the past few weeks. One fault people have is to think that because we think a certain way, then others should think that way too. I know this is wrong, and I really am trying to find forgiveness in my heart. But it will take time, and no matter what words are expressed on this site, I will continue to post and use posting to help me as I heal.

dear life goes on, the fact you have found joy in your child even though it has been very difficult is a wonderful thing. I understand more and more how emotions can surge in situations now, I don't hate the father of my child. But on the other hand he and I are the exception where honesty was something we did have, we never lied to each other. And we believed in each other. He feels as if he is in the middle, but he is not. He needs to decide what he wants in life and allow himself to follow it. Being with me is not an option, and not something we ever pretended would happen. But never did I imagine he would be so selfish and so focused on himself. He is his wife's problem, and she is not leaving him. I do not want the issues he is bringing home now, and if him finally opening up to her helps them then I truly do hope it helps them. I cannot deal with his pity party, and she can. So maybe I am the lucky one after all. Who knows, but thank you for talking to me and I will continue to listen.

me too - take things day by day without looking back at the negative. Peace of mind is the best sleeping pill. I commend all the women on both sides who get through this. Some days will be harder than others and it isn't going to seem fair. I have learned that positive thoughts really do lead to a positive life style. I have said since the day my son was born he has a purpose and God has a plan. Gods plans will be great for this child he is special. I joke and say he will be one of the greatest NBA players. he can either thank his mom for loving him all through the years or thank his mother and father for loving all through the years. And for those that were quick to judge they will the plan God had and they will have to answer for their judgement. But my baby will be blessed and showered with love mYBE not from everyone else, but from the greatest source - GOD. THAT IS WHOSE LOVE HE NEEDS THE MOST. Stay focused on tomorrow and be the best person you can be!!!

Angry wife,My daughter is 16 months old and i have not once asked her father for anything.Not so much as a dime.Even know i quit seeing him i found out that he has 2 other children by a lady who just recently moved in my apartment complex. I seen a picture of him on her journal and asked what the relationship between them was. She told me she had children by him and i let her in on my secret. She said she was not surprised.My daughter looks just like her 2 kids. My daughter has met he half siblings and they play alot together. She told me that she talked to him about him not being there for my daughter and he told her he would love to but his wife is threatening to leave him if he does.Its a shame that he is deadbeat but everything happens for a reason. My husband has adopted her and she calls him daddy.If she ever wants to know ill always be honest with her about who her father is. I think that shell be happy with the daddy she has now though.He spoils her.were anout to give her the gift of another sibling.A brother :)

To:!!! plse tell how is it a blessing from god to have a baby by a married man, i am very confused on that. and yes i'm very upset and people don't seem to understand how hurtful i feel nobody understands, it's a pain that's unbearable and i keep hearing the babys are a blessing from god and (me too) saying her child is a gift from god how is that so? and yes i love my husband dearly but i don't want no part of the child,i just don't think it's right but what's done is done. i pray everyday that god give me strenth and a peace of mind, i'm sorry but i just don't wanna be a part of it but i want my family.To:!!! are you the wife or the mistress?

dear angry wife, !!! will answer you I am sure. But I too want to share how I came to the conclusion that my child is a blessing/gift from God. It did not come easily to me as I feel I have had to come to this realization against the wishes of others. I do not keep or cherish this child as it is from the affair. I see it as a chance for me to bring a life into this world. I have a huge heart, and I know that through my love as well as my own personal life experiences I can teach this child about love from the right places and teach it about life. Sure I made my mistakes, but we all learn from our mistakes. And this is a lesson I will be able to teach all my children this baby included. I won't sit and say Mommy did this and it is wrong, but I will be able to love it and guide it through life. I really do understand you have hurt, and I am sorry for your pain in your life right now. It seems for some reason every talk show on is about cheating and affairs lately. I do wish you luck in your quest for answers, I really do. I am able to accept my child as it is growing inside me, but the father does not have too. He says he wants too, but only he can decide. Whether he is involved or not, my child will be loved and blessed. I do hope my words are not as upsetting this post as in the past few.

Angry wife - I think any child is a child of God, they come into this world innnocent. All children born from healthy marriages, unhealthy marriages, teen pregnancy, out of wedlock, born out of an affair, all are children of God. These children are born completely innocent. You are hurt and rightfully so, but it is not the child that caused pain. It is the lack of respect that your spouse showed you and the fact that another woman did not respect your marriage to him, that is your anger. You would be completely abnormal if you did not have many emotions and a great deal of pain. I have not read any post from these women trying to justify their wrong doings, they are simply trying to love their child and move forward given the results of the choices they made. But please remember it was your husband that took the vows and he disrespected those vows. If you forgive him, then at some point you will have to accept and love every part of who he is and that includes his child. This child deserves the right to be loved by all. Again the child is innocent. You do not have to accept the mother as a part of your husbands life and you can make accommodations to not have them deal with one another. But if you forgive him, then you should embrace him as a whole person and share his child with him. I realize none of this easy and certainly life would have been greater if only.... but this is the situation and you have to choose to love and forgive him completely and love him and everything about him including his child or your marriage will end sooner or later. If you do not forgive and love completely this child will always be the barrier of your happiness with your husband. I am truly sorry for the pain and choices placed unknowly to you, but nothing said today will change the past. You do have the power to take control today and tomorrow. Do some deep soul searching and decide do you love your husband enough to truly work on forgiveness and love every part who he is today and what he has to bring into the marriage today? If not forgive him and find a better life without him. Either way forgiveness is key to a peace of mind. Remember these ladies myself included are not trying to excuse or justify our actions, we all feel pain in various ways and we all want our children to have healthy lives. No one wins, we just try to deal with the results of our actions and try to be better people as we move forward in our lives. It is hard for all parties involved. Good luck and again I apologize for the pain you are feeling.