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Angry wife - I think any child is a child of God, they come into this world innnocent. All children born from healthy marriages, unhealthy marriages, teen pregnancy, out of wedlock, born out of an affair, all are children of God. These children are born completely innocent. You are hurt and rightfully so, but it is not the child that caused pain. It is the lack of respect that your spouse showed you and the fact that another woman did not respect your marriage to him, that is your anger. You would be completely abnormal if you did not have many emotions and a great deal of pain. I have not read any post from these women trying to justify their wrong doings, they are simply trying to love their child and move forward given the results of the choices they made. But please remember it was your husband that took the vows and he disrespected those vows. If you forgive him, then at some point you will have to accept and love every part of who he is and that includes his child. This child deserves the right to be loved by all. Again the child is innocent. You do not have to accept the mother as a part of your husbands life and you can make accommodations to not have them deal with one another. But if you forgive him, then you should embrace him as a whole person and share his child with him. I realize none of this easy and certainly life would have been greater if only.... but this is the situation and you have to choose to love and forgive him completely and love him and everything about him including his child or your marriage will end sooner or later. If you do not forgive and love completely this child will always be the barrier of your happiness with your husband. I am truly sorry for the pain and choices placed unknowly to you, but nothing said today will change the past. You do have the power to take control today and tomorrow. Do some deep soul searching and decide do you love your husband enough to truly work on forgiveness and love every part who he is today and what he has to bring into the marriage today? If not forgive him and find a better life without him. Either way forgiveness is key to a peace of mind. Remember these ladies myself included are not trying to excuse or justify our actions, we all feel pain in various ways and we all want our children to have healthy lives. No one wins, we just try to deal with the results of our actions and try to be better people as we move forward in our lives. It is hard for all parties involved. Good luck and again I apologize for the pain you are feeling.

dear angelina, you say you have not asked the father for a single thing. Do you at least get child support?? My first instinct was to not ask anything of the father and do this completely without him. But I have two other children, and to not expect him to help provide would be taking from them. I personally had to set my pride aside, but if you and your husband are able to do without the fathers help then I do commend you. The father of my child was also my employer, so not only do I now have a new expense but I have lost my job. He and I came together over the years through some strong troubles and triumphs in our lives, so letting go has been extremely difficult for both of us. I am trying to be as kind as I can, but the reality is that finding out I was pregnant has really affected my life and my chlidren. So I have to need him to provide. He wants too, the emotional end is a struggle but that is one thing I can give my child. And that is that my child not be brought into a lie or false relationship. So I have to ensure he and I are no longer together. Please if you find yourself struggling don't let pride interfere with your baby's needs. But if you can do with out, then you should be proud!!

Anygry wife...I do completely understand the pain your going though. I am the wife, my husband and friend violated my trust by doing what they did. My life has not been easy, but this is honestly the hardest thing i have ever had to face. As lifegoeson said you do not have to have anything to do with the child or the other woman. You can ask your husband to make other arrangements to see it (eg. ask a friend to pick the baby up, then take it him/her out somewhere away from you and the other woman). You and your husband need to have a heart to heart and decide what is really best for all concerned. The reason i say every child is a gift from God is a personal one. I have always had fertility problems and was pregnant when my husband told me about the affair and his child. The amount of stress i was under resulted in miscarriage, this making it my 2nd. I blamed him and the other woman for this, and my heart was torn even more when the other woman would phone and 'rub' my nose in it. It has taken time, but because i have found it difficult to get pregnant, then lost my 2 beautiful babys i know what a blessing children can be, nomatter what circ_mstances the child was born under. Do you have children? If you do look at your child and remember how you felt when you found out you were pregnant, then remember how you felt when you first looked into your childs eyes. It is these feeling that i do not have. I think that every woman who has a child is a lucky one. Time is a great healer, and it will only be through time that you will be able to accept what your husband has done and the results of his actions. The pain doesnt disappear overnight, far from it, it still lingers but it gets easier to deal with in time. I hope this gives you an insight into why it is that i can say that a child is a blessing. Sorry for not replying earlier, i live in the UK so the time difference plays a big part in it. Id like it if you stayed on this site and talked to all the other women on here, it may be difficult to talk to them at first knowing that they are the 'other women' but listening to them has helped me and i hope it will help you to.

Angry Wife, you never answered my question.Why is it ok for your husband to take care of the kids you had out of marrage but its not ok for you to help him with his kid once its born? You must be saying that your children are not blessings because you didnt stay with their father.Were your children mistakes also?

Ok why are you women still staying with these husbands??? Oh but I love him..total c___p. Guess what, he doesnt respect you so I highly doubt he loves you mutually. Look, if her husband is cheating on you and gets a girl pregnant, Im pretty sure he's having unprotected s_x, which means he doesnt respect you enough when he comes home and then has s_x with you. No care for you or your health. It's gross and also to the married women, men lie. They hid the affair so who's to say they said they were single when they met the other women? So please to the wives who tell the women to do their homework, you should have done yours before you married him, and if he does decide to cheat, then leave his a__s. You deserve more respect.

Bleh. You obviously have no idea what it is like to be in a relationship with someone who you intended to spend the rest of your life with. If you have no idea what its like then take my advice and shut up. These women took vows to stay with their husbands for better or for worse!! There is too much divorce these days , maybe they dont want to be another statistic. You obviously have never been married or even in love with someone so much that you want to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them, so please dont advise us on what it is we should or shouldnt do.

Preggo mommy...... Why is it that any wife should have to take responsibility for someone elses child. Whether its their husbands or not. This child was not a part of their lives before they were married so therefore it is very hard for her to have to deal with this child now. That child is the husbands and the other womans responsibility not the wifes. I dont mean to have a go, but it feels like some of you on here still blame the wives for a situation you and the husband got yourselves into. If the man in these situations cant face up to their actions thats their problem not the wife. I know im going on, but this is probably one of the ony things that still winds me up. We did not ask to be in these situations, yet it seems to be us (wives) who have all the blame and responsibility put on them. You have had to face reality by finding out your going to be mothers, the wives have had to face reality by finding out their husbands were not faithful and now have another child with someone else, but its the men who still seem to put the blame on someone other than themselves and dont actually face up to what they have done. Why not have a go at them instead of us.

I am actually engaged. I am now 28 and I dated many men and waited until the one I could trust came along. And yes I was cheated on by a man I thought I was going to spend my life with. Of course he apologized and all that c___p, but come on, women need not to rush into marriage. I took my time until I found the right one, one that I knew I could trust. I cant help that these women married men who cheat. But they can do something about it! And whos to say they didnt cheat more than once? I for one will not be treated like a doormat. If my husband got another women pregnant than that would be the end of it. Oh yeah and you said they took vowels??? HELLO they took vowels to stay faithful too. I know divorce is popular right now but it's because of people rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons. But what about people staying in it for the wrong reason. And who cares about being a divorce statistic. Maybe I dont want to be a statistic of someone with HIV because my husband went and cheated on me.

When i said how are these kids a blessing from god i'm talking about the other women getting pregnant and having an affair with a married and yapping ooh these baby is a blessing from god, how when you were doing wrong? and yes i understand we all are children of god but somethings just not right about that.and to preggo mommy i have 2 kids by birth the 18 is my step daughter my husband is the father of these kids and we are married that's why he suppose to take care of his kids, and no i won't help him take care of a child that was conceived in our marriage by another women that's his responsibility. that's why but i refuse to help him take care of a child that's not mine i won't have no part of that. everytime we do things that are not right there are consequences behind it so as he says that was a big mistake now he has to deal with it. and i ain't helping raising no other woman kids unlessing there my daughters kids.like i said it's very hard for me when this man has taken care of me since i was 18/19 yrs old and i'm 35 now it's easy to say what you won't put up with when your not in that situation.right now i don't trust him but were gonna get counseling hopefully i will fully forgive him but as for the innocent child i want no part and if that means the marriage has to end because i won't support him in this situation so be it.the reason i won't leave my marriage now is due to financial reason.why leave now when things cool off for a minute i'm back and forth with him, trust me (angry wife) will get tired and when i leave i truly have had enough and i know for sure i won't come back. i kind of think these kids are gonna suffer for there parents action.if you think what you did was wrong why is it a blessing? and to bleh i thought i found the right one to so don't put your foot in your mouth thinking my man won't ever cheat on me he's probably doing it now what you don't know won't hurt.i definiately will teach my girls about having affairs with married mens and what consequeces comes behind it and what lives will be affected.my husband and these other men who had affairs will probably be still doing it if the other woman wouldn't of got pregnant. so i guess when we take our family trip every year is the outside child suppose to go on vacation with my family too, hell no i don't think so,the reason is he/she is not apart of my family he a part of my husband responsibility.

angry wife, i don't want to upset you by commenting to you but I hope you see that I mean no harm. As far as helping raise your husbands "other" child, I agree with you. You don't have too. One thing about parents who are apart, the one who has custody generally is the one who raises the child and the other gets to visit and enjoy the fun. You do not have to ever see or touch his child if you don't want too. I know for me, I don't ever expect the wife to open her arms to my child. Honestly if she cannot separate her feelings for me from my child, then I would rather she not see my child. The only thing I can hope for is that if her husband does want to stay a part of his childs life that she allows that and does not punish him for that. Counseling for you and your husband does sound like a good step, and I hope it can be of some help for you. I know wives blame the other woman for so much, but we do not do this alone. The man/husband does play into our own hearts, feelings, insecurities, vulnerabilities, etc. You will never really know the 'true' details of his affair. He can and will only tell you what he feels is okay or acceptable. But one thing you have that she does not, and that is history and love. You are the woman he chose to spend his life with, and you are the woman in his life now. That definitely means something. To me the fact that you feel so strongly about wanting to try to work on your marriage shows you are actually a strong woman. You could walk away, you could turn your back on him. But you are also teaching your children that the best way to deal with hurt is to confront it and try to work thru it. Walking away solves nothing, and we are all better people in the end for what we learn. And we can tell our children what we think they should know and do, but in the end they still do and act how they want. My mother did her best with me, she taught me all she knew but I still made these mistakes in my life. Fortunately for me though, she sees I am sorry and she is here for me. That is all we as mothers can do, is be here for our children.

angry wife- so what you're saying is all mean cheat? you just said mine was probably cheating. I highly doubt it since he's in the other office, we own and run our own business. While we each have our own personal time we really like spending time together, especially since I'm now pregnant. You should not have to raise that baby, I totally agree with you on that. But what happens when this child starts to grow up and your husband wants to be there for milestone moments? birthdays? graduation? wedding? what do you tell the other kids? Daddy cheated on mommy and had a brother/sister you cant ever meet? This is not healthy for the children by any means. Look if you're going to work it through with your husband, you may want your children to meet his other "family" Children will start to ask questions, and they would be hurt if you hid that from them, I know I would have been. Mother's need to teach their daughters that they dont need a man to survive in this world. Thank God my mother taught me to go to college, graduate and become independent until I found somone I love not someone to depend on (not saying any of you did that) I'm just saying teach your daughters that and if a man cheats on you then you need to sit down and a___lyze "ok was this a one time fling" or "ok were you having s_x with them on a regular basis and being irresponsbile and not using protection". There is a huge difference. These men have a void in their marriage (not just s_xual) that does need to be taken care of I agree, but if it happens twice...NO WAY leave. Women need to know they are worth way more than that. And that goes to the mistresses as well...dont be used by a married man because that's all they're doing. Using you to fill a void in their life, whether its s_xual, to get away from the family, or just a shoulder to lean on. Wake up women. And Angry Wife, if my fiance ever does decide to cheat, it wont be pretty lets just put it that way. He knows I'm a strong and independent woman and he knows the consequences. May cause sorrow and pain but hey, I would just need to move on and find someone better and if I cant...oh well. Thats the problem these days, women think they have to have a man....pity.

All these post back and fourth and all the pain, that is what has resulted in the actions of the woman having the affair and the wife having to deal with the affair. But as you see the husband and lover are no where to be found. As i have said both aprties have so much pain and hurt regardless of who, what, when , and where. Everyone, especially the wives of these men, have a right to be angry. Angry wife, I said it before and I will say it again. If you choose to stay with your husband and work through this, you will have to love him as a whole. Loving him as a whole means to love every part of him. If you maintain this att_tude towards his child then your marriage will always have problems because indirectly you will be asking him to choose between you and this child. I understand how you feel today and the hurt is so new, but if you are sincere about rebuilding your marriage then you will have to confort this issue in counseling as a partnership not a yours, mine, and ours. Marriages should be a partnership. I am by no means saying you are in a fair position, because what has been done to you was so disrespectful in every way, but i commend you for at least not walking away without working through some of the anger. How you handle this shows your children the mechanics of problem solving and relationships. You can leave your husband and still teach your children forgiveness but the importance of maintaining honest, committed, health relationships. You can leave with anger, teaching your children never to forgive and to hate those that who do wrong, "Don't trust men". You can try to work through the marriage and go to counseling and if the marriage still fails at least you showed your children that you did not quit without trying. You can go to counseling with your heart ready to move forward and ready to forgive working towards loving your husband and a child that was suppose to a part of the marriage, but is now a part of the man you choose to spend your life with. Then you show children that life is not perfect and when you love someone you work through things and love the person a complete person, not just parts of who they are. Or you can stay in this marriage go to counseling, leave counseling knowing you are in marriage but only accept the parts you pick and choose to accept. Everytime something comes up with the child born out of marriage the resentment and att_tude surfaces always being a barrier to your having complete fullfillment in your marriage. Your children will see the resentment and know that this "child" is a bad thing and mom hates the child. They will grow up in an environment that is unhealthy, feel the anger towards the child that hurt their family, have anger towards dad, and may even question their mother as to your character (you stayed, but didn't forgive, you stayed but you hate this child...)and the choices made. I am sorry for the hurt placed on you and your family my your husband and the other woman. I guess what I feel is that in the end you have to forgive in order to find your happiness with or without him. I do not think you feel you need him or that you are looking for justification behind staying married to him, I just think you are hurt and trying to sort through years of being with him, finances, the good times, children.... And it is a lot to work through. I don't think you are looking for pity, just trying to find your way of dealing with your hurt. Check out a website called Marriage builders, it talks about affairs and how to rebuild, that may help you. You wil find that everything you feel and have heard is like a cla__s everyone took. If all of us women exchange the words and things said to us, these men attended that cla__s also. I know this unfair to you and your husband has placed you in a situation that was not your plan, but you have to decide what direction you want to take and how you handle this is how your children will respect you. Good luck.

dear know ur facts, honestly this may seem weird for me to defend.. but I do not see angry wife as trying to get a free ride. She has given her husband years of her heart and life. I am guilty myself of thinking with my heart and not my brain. Meaning logistics. Yes money. To me it seems as if she is in the beginning stages of hurt and betrayal. She is posting on here and genuinely listening and talking. I personally got hurt during a few posts, but it was not her it was the reality of her words and how they are playing out in my own life. I cannot deal with the "wife" in my own situation, so I come here and post openly and am trying to find it in myself to work through my own emotions, pain, remorse, guilt and so on. The wives that do post on here are brave, and in my heart I do believe it is therapuetic for both of other women and them. As angry as "angry wife" seems the fact that she can at least try to understand and listen to our words is commendable. The wife in my situation is not that mature or capable. Maybe she will be someday, but we must all look deep within ourselves and find what we are feeling. And know that only we can deal with those emotions, but if in the process we are able to vent, listen, and explore we can be better for allowing ourselves as much. It is amazing to me how true you are about how the man and the woman can make the child, but the woman deals with the reality of the child and he gets to do the minimal and if necessary the courts can demand that. We other women having babies disgusts many wives, but I do commend you!! You are not using this baby as a tool and that proves you made the right decision for the right reasons, giving a life a chance to continue.

Why is it always the wife who is condemed for her actions after an affair, you helped bring this situation along with the husband onto the wife yet it is her who has to pick up the pieces and justify her actions. It seems to me that those of you who are truly sorry for what has happened do not hold a grudge against the wife, but those of you who only 'think' your sorry still make out its the wifes fault. She did not get into a relationship with a married man, you did. Of course the man has played a very big part in the affair, but so have you. You still stayed with him when you knew he was sleeping in the same bed as his wife. You call Angry Wife selfish, take a look in the mirror. All wives in these situations know their husbands are to blame, but we also know you are to. The fact that you carried on the affair after knowing he is married and then have unprotected s_x with him, knowing there is a chance that you may become pregnant (no matter what sort of protection your using) is selfish. Surly you werent stupid enough to believe that it wouldnt happen, but if it did he would want to support you. Common sense will tell you how many people will be hurt. Try and think about what the wife has had to come to terms with. This man who she trusted, has betrayed her (something she never thought would happen) and now she is never going to be able to carry on with her life without you in it. Its not so much the child, even though the child is always going to remind her that everything she has come to know is a lie, but its you, you are always going to be a factor in her life, you and your child are always going to be a reminder. Just think about the extra pain your causing before you say something else, you may think you 'understand' but you really dont. Dont judge other people by their actions or words as what you have done yourrself is nothing to be proud of.

ME TOO you said "angry wife" have given her husband years of her heart...and what does she get in return? Lies, drama, an extra kid he produced, oh and probably some STD's. What a caring husband.

Me Too... I am so pleased to here you defend us wives. I know its hard for you to hear some of the things we have to say, but the fact that you do try to understand makes it so much easier for people like me to listen to your words and take them in ourselves. The wife in your situation may never accept the fact that her husband has another child outside her marriage, but that is for her to decide, but whether or not he sees his child, he will have to support it, which still means that this child is not only going to take away a bit of the emotion he should have for his family at home, but also some of the money that (the wife feels) has been taken away from her children and her future. You may think that the wife is being selfish for thinking this way, but she married this man, thinking what money is earned by her and her husband is going to be for theirs and their childrens future. (which is, lets face it, what marriage and going to work is about). I hope you havent taken offence by what ive said here, but i feel you have the right to know what the wife in your situation may be feeling. Marriage is not just an emotional tie it is also a financial one. Every part of this womans life feels like it is falling apart. Please try to understand this.