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Me Too... I am so pleased to here you defend us wives. I know its hard for you to hear some of the things we have to say, but the fact that you do try to understand makes it so much easier for people like me to listen to your words and take them in ourselves. The wife in your situation may never accept the fact that her husband has another child outside her marriage, but that is for her to decide, but whether or not he sees his child, he will have to support it, which still means that this child is not only going to take away a bit of the emotion he should have for his family at home, but also some of the money that (the wife feels) has been taken away from her children and her future. You may think that the wife is being selfish for thinking this way, but she married this man, thinking what money is earned by her and her husband is going to be for theirs and their childrens future. (which is, lets face it, what marriage and going to work is about). I hope you havent taken offence by what ive said here, but i feel you have the right to know what the wife in your situation may be feeling. Marriage is not just an emotional tie it is also a financial one. Every part of this womans life feels like it is falling apart. Please try to understand this.

sick, you are right in what you say!! But there are women who want to forgive and want to find the man they fell in love with once again. If they choose that then that is their choice, nothing can change that at all. Should they just walk away and forget everything that brought them to this point? Only they can make that decision. Some affairs may have been brief, but from what I have read on this site as well as my own situation these were not just "s_x". There was more involved, and if the wife wants to try to discover if her husband made a mistake or if he really is not the one for her than that is only something they can decide for their own lives.

Who said it was the wives fault? What i said was that if he cheated once and she found out its his fault, is he cheats again then it IS her fault.She knew the chance she was taking by staying with him.She cant blame no one but hereself then because no one told her to stay with him and hope he'll change.?, you must not have read any of the post the other women have put on here because i havent read one yet that said " oh i knew he was married but i didnt care, i still stayed with him".Notice alot of the wives who posted said they are with the husbands? Get your facts straight before you come on here trying to say something. Most of us DID NOT know the men were married.What part of that didnt you understand? How can it be our fault if we didnt know?Your husbands only tell you it was a mistake and it was only s_x but it wasnt in most of these cases.These husbands were not only tricking the wives, they were tricking the other women also.We are not completely innocent but we are not guilty either.We never took any vows and we are not breaking any laws by sleeping with someone who lied to us. Just like he was lieing to you, he lied to us. you think we are happy knowing we really liked and in some cases even loved these guys and they betrayed us? We are just as hurt as the wives but no one see's us like that.

You know, if i wanted my daughters dad i would have had him there 16 months ago when i gave birth to my daughter, but i left him alone throughout my whole pregnancy and even now.As much as i would love to just leave him and his broken-hearted wife out of my daughters life i cant.I blamed my mom for my dad not having nothing to do with me and it wasnt her fault.I still have that empty spot in my heart and it willnever go away .I refuse to let a man make my daughter feel unwanted and unloved. And even know she has another father figure in her life she will always want to know why her father is not with her mom and i will have to explain to her what happened. I will never know how it made the wife feel but she will also never know how it made me feel.She will not be the only one hurting.She will never have to worry that one day her daughter will come and cry and ask her why her daddy dont want her.I will fall apart if and when that day comes.If he chooses not to have something to do with my daughter then thats on him but if she ever feels that hurt i will make d__n sure he knows exactally how hes hurt a poor innocent life and he will hurt too.I feel sorry his wife is having to deal with this being that her daughter is 3 months older then mine.I wish i could make things better for us all but whats done is done.I cant change it.I hope she can feel it in her heart to let my daughter know who her half sister is but if that doesnt happen, then i can understand.Only the future will tell whats in store for us all.I can only hope for the best for us all.

My own mother had several marriages, I was the product of the first. My father was out of my life from the time I was 3. My mother's 2nd marriage brought me what I called my "dad". But the questions and sadness was still there for me wondering where my real dad was and why he didn't care about me. My mom did her best, she never ever bad mouthed him . She did her best to just explain that since he could not be around me it just pained him too much to be in my life. I myself now have two daughters ages 5 & 8 who often ask me why "I" made their dad leave. I did not, but that is how they see it. My reason for wanting to reply to your post is to just rea__sure you that as mothers the best we can do is love our daughters and try our best to let them come to their own conclusions about their fathers. But help them by not being bitter.

To bleh: what i'm trying to say is what you don't know won't hurt and mens will continue to cheat until they get caught. so plse don't say what mines won't do because you never know. i have trusted my husband for 15 yrs. and now he's given me a reason not to trust him again but i still love him and i'm still in love with my feeling won't change over night .

Woah some one else on here has my name :)

To:know ur facts you and him are to blame you'all need to stop blaming the wives for not accepting your responsibilities. and like i said this is our home and if i chose not to have this child in my home ooh well. and i don't know why he cheated but he's only gonna tell what ever he wants you to believe but these other women know they weren't in a relationship they know something was strange about him. and only if you know this nigger is so sorry for what he's done he's afraid he's gonna loose his family but he should of thought about that before he was thinking with the wrong head.so he gain a baby and lost his family how stupid. i have no pity on no woman who willing knowing this man was married and believe me 80% of these ladies knew. always remember when you do things that are not right there are concequeses behind them he's asking his mom and our pastor how can he fix this but whats done is done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angry wife, I hope you take the time to truly heal and decide where your forgiveness will take you. I also hope you read the post from those of us who have remorse for our part in the affair. "Me Too' is strong and has taken accountability and responsibility for her role. There are any of us that have been involved and had to forgive ourselves before we were able to take the time to understand that the hurt hits every corner. Strange enough I have been on both sides. I had a husband who went overseas and after 13 yrs he had an affair, the devestation was unbearable. But i had this wonderful co-worker who catered to me and gave me the time and attention that my husband had neglected. My husband made me feel that the other woman was younger and well her body hadn't changed she didn't have children. This co-worker made me feel like a woman all over again. Told me how great i looked and didn't even look like I had children. And there I was on the side, the one having the affair. My hurt became selfish trying to make myself feel loved and feel good, not thinking of the next person. He left his wife, not for me. At the time he left she did not know about me and i was not pregnant. Four years later I became pregnant and guess what "the pressure was to much for him and he did what - started dealing with other women". But I took the time to listen and learn. This is what his father did and never had anyone teach him how to be responsible and how to manage life. Angry wife has every single right to feeel what she does at this time, however I encourage to read what i posted last time. As for "knowurfacts" everyone hurts, angry wife is not trying to be the victim just as your not trying to be the victim. However if anything angry wife was placed in a situation unknowly, as the other woman you choose to be in the situation knowly. No of us knew the hurt involved it felt too good to see the pain behind our actions. Knowurfacts, you are not going to like what i am getting ready to say. If you made a choice to be involved with a man that was married and he and his wife choose to have a relationship with your child, as his spouse you can not prevent her from being in the childs life. You knew she existed in his life and it was okay when having fun, but now the hard part has come and it is not okay anymore. The statement I will make his life "living hell", my doing or thinking this way you are looking very insecure and will cause yourself more pain, not to mention you will hurt your child. I know you are hurt as the other woman, but you have to focus on your child and what is best. Angry wife has a hard road ahead with forgiveness, healing, and major life changing decisions, she did not ask for this. Knowurfacts you have to forgive yourself and have a healthy pregnancy. You have to stop trying to make him hurt although I understand because of your pain you want to make him miserable like you. You are hurting yourself and the baby more. The man will never feel the pain of the wife or the other woman. Time truly does heal but you have to want to heal, creating and keeping a war just causes lifetime scars often imposed on our children. Angry wife I am sorry. Knowurfacts we all had your feelings and I am not critical of you. I was nine months pregnant and saw a female leaving his apt., at that moment I hated her and him. So we (the wife and the other woman) all have rage in the center of the storm, but when it calms we have to think ratinal and logical. If only we all would have thought beyond the moment.

sorry for errors in my previous post. I try to type with the baby and he likes to hit the keys also, goes with the territory of being a single mother.

IS a juicy thread!

Me too - Have you told your children yet?

life goes on, no my children have been on vacation with my mother for a couple of weeks. I do struggle with how to explain this to them, and am planning to do so after I reach the 12 week mark. It will be confusing to them, as their father and I are still very good friends and see a lot of each other. I have tons of scenarios in my head but nothing concrete yet in regards to explaining yet. Basically they will be excited, but as for the father they do know him (he was my boss) so I haven't quite found the words. But I also won't lie and let them a__sume this is their fathers child.

Me Too... Did your children ever meet the father of your baby? Did they no you were in a relationship with him? If these answers are yes, then the best thing to do is tell your children the truth, if its no, then you just need to explain to them that mummy was in a relationship with a man at work, you didnt expect this to happen but naow mummy is going to have another baby, which will be another brother or sister for them. Its not going to be easy and they are bound to ask you questions you never even though of. But be stong, they will be reeally pleased once they get used to the idea.

!!, yes my chidren know the father of my child but only as my boss and friend. they like him a lot and i have to explain this very carefully. Their first reaction will be excitement in regards to getting to be around him more, there have been instances where our families have been around each other. My daughters are 5 & 8, so this unfortunately may also be a very brief and edited beginning on the birds and bees much sooner than I was ready for. I still have a couple of weeks, and I know that when the time is here I will do my best to be fair honest but brief with facts. They will know who the father is, just still working on my dialogue. Just as i know this is one of those things that does not affect just me, but them as well. Being big sisters will exicte them a lot, they will be excellent. Just a different kind of transition due to circ_mstances. Thank you for your advice.

Lol lifegoeson, I have that same problem with my daughter trying to type too.Sorry about the profanity in my last post, im just tired of hearing people tell us what we knew and didnt know. Im sure when the lady posted this subject she didnt intend to get arguments started.I hope all of you "other women" get what you are looking for in life and good luck to you and your children. As for the wives, im sorry you had and still have to deal with the pain of cheating husbands.If you are trying to work things out with your husbands,try not to throw it in his face with every argument that comes because he took the first step to admitting it to you and even know the chance is very small, he just might change. Some will probably never change but take life one day at a time and remember what doent kill you, will only make you stronger.:) Good luck to the wives, and i hope things can work out with your familys. :)