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!!!, I hope you are right about the wife in my situation. I continue to hope for both our sakes there is a point in time for both of us that the bitterness subsides. I am not a demanding woman, but I have made it extremely clear that until this child can be an ent_ty of it's own in their lives I will not allow my child to be around negative. I cannot stop the father from seeing his child, I would not do that anyhow. But since I will be nursing as well , visitation will be basically null in the beginning anyhow. I truly do not expect the father to be much of a father, more like a "God Parent" or "uncle"who comes around when they feel like it or when it is convenient. It does matter to me, but nonetheless my child will be accepted and loved by those I choose to keep close and the father of my two daughters is already wanting to involve this child in his life. Not in a subst_tute way, but in his eyes this is my child and that is all that matters. I too am coming to accept the same. When I asked the father if he was interested in dr. appts, being at the hospital, and being informed of the pregnancy his answer was" I am not sure" and "I think so". Well either you know or you don't, so until he makes requests his answers are his fate. I am not going to expect, ask, or even suggest anything to him. What he wants to do with his child is up to him. I have very little respect left for him at this point, but that is okay. I do not need his presence for this to be a happy and healthy baby. He is the one who will be missing out, and should he allow his wife to dictate as she is, eventually it will be something they have to re-evaluate not me.

Me Too...I think youve said everything that needs to be said. Stay strong and stick to your guns and everything will turn out fine. Its never going to be easy, but so long as you are surrounded by people who accept what your doing and love you and your children you will be the one to come out on top. The father of your baby and his wife will realise one day that you are a better person than they gave you credit for. Be proud of yourself. x

Why did you allow yourself to become prganant by a married man in the first place? I have just found out about my Husband( that I love very much) just had a baby with another woman a few days ago.. I am devastated, hurt and angry. I don't understand how a woman cound go into a relationship with a man knowing he is married and other people will be hurt.What kind of morals and standards do you have? You derserve everything that happend to you. How do you tell your child later on in life that he was the outcome of an affair you had with a married man and that the Dad didn't want his family to know about it.

To CS: i truly understand how your feeling it's very hurtful and devistating, i'm in the same situation i'm in my beginning stage and i truly agree with angry wife those women knew these men were married and to bring a married child into this world is wrong so many lives is gonna be destroyed and the baby is gonna suffer as well these (mistress) really thinks that them having the baby is a blessing ,eventually they have to explain to there child they was conceived during an affair, and the father's what can you really say, but the wives are the ones that's gonna suffer.

I have a beautiful 4 month old that was fathered by a married man.Yes the affair was in poor taste.I get that it is not a moral decision. However, my child is healthy, loved and a beautiful blessing. I have hurt a lot, and am very aware that there is more heartache to come. Hind sight is 20/20 as they say...and it is very true in this situation. We all make mistakes...so what right do some of you have to condemn others the way you are. Im sure you have made choices in your life I disagree with and would never do, but I would not speak in such a harsh way as some of you have. It is amazing what a sweet talking charmer can do to a womans normally sensible mind. I could go on for a long time about the feelings that you experience when dealing with a situation like this. Yes a mistake was made...but the mistake is never the child!!!!!

I understand that in the last postings there is a lot of pain from the wives. I personally cannot speak for all other women, but I know for myself what I got myself into is much bigger than I could have ever imagined!! I am sorry for any pain involved, and whether I am believed or not is no longer important to me. I know in my heart I am sorry, I did find myself pregnant. And yes as I have been told and now know just being on the pill was not enough. But the fact is, and what my life is now about is there is a baby involved. I could have terminated yes, but that is not what I believe. I do believe that mistakes can be made, and that there is always a lesson to be learned from mistakes. But I feel that when there is a life involved, just getting rid of the mistake in terms of killing a life is selfish and unfair. I am not alone in this belief, just as I know there are endless others who don't understand how I can think this way. I am not having this baby because I loved the father so, I am having my baby because it was created. I am capable of loving my child, and providing it with a life full of love and truths. I won't pretend life is great, but my baby will learn in time that life can be tough but that does not mean I am a bad person.. Me not being with the father, and him not sure of his part in his childs life does not mean my child cannot be loved and find happiness in their life. What I have just posted may not go over well with some, my reason for posting was to let you know that in my life I am sorry for the pain caused by my actions.

To "me too" I just read through more of your previous postings and it is seriously as if I had written them myself. There are SO many similarities, sad but true. The overwhelming number of thoughts, emotions, scenarios etc that the situation causes is amazing....and exhausting! I have "good days" and some definately "not so good days" But luckly with my beautiful daughter to live for and the support of good friends and family I am growing in my ability to see the good!!! As someone who struggled with getting told congrats on my pregnancy, let me say BE PROUD OF THAT BABY & Congratulations!!!! It is a true blessing no matter what the circ_mstances surronding it are! With lots of love and understanding, Steph

When I said i struggled with the congrats I meant because I always felt guilty like I had a dirtly little secret and people made me feel like the life growing inside of me was some how less important or something to be ashamed of because of the circ_mstances surronding the conception. Not true!!!!

new2motherhood, I knew what you meant when you said struggled!! It is actually on this site in posting back and forth with other women as well as with hurt wives I am able to process so much!! I made a conscious decision to not terminate, it was against the father's wishes as well as his wifes. She says she would have in my position. But he has since come to me and apologized for asking me to do what he knows I don't believe in. And he has said he does not himself believe in, but he let the shock and fear control him. Regardless of how he feels, I know I am only doing this for the child. Yes this baby is going to have tough times, but personally I do believe it is better in life to own up to one's mistakes and work thru them the best way we can. My child will never be labeled as a mistake. The situation that brought us here yes that can be labeled that way, but a child is an ent_ty of it's own. DNA, can be just that. It does not have to be punished as a product of an affair. When I was asked to terminate, I fell apart. I was disgusted and so on. And the biggest regret I have was even taking in the words and suggestions and allowing myself even if it was just for moments to consider the option. I know I am going to be surrounded by those who do not believe in my choice and decision, but those who are my true friends will know why I did what I did and that it was a choice for life and nothing else. Even though yes I do have support of family and friends, there is still endless shame yes!! But I am trying daily to allow myself the joy of life and of bringing a new life to this world. Thank you for your words, and I look forward to more communication with you!!

to CS & OOOO, I truly do understand your pain and hurt. I have been on both sides of the fence. You are justified to feel and think the way do. Nothing you have said is wrong, but here is the flip side. Yes the other woman did not respect herself and the fact the man was married, but he did not respect you and the fact that he was married. Both parties simply thought for the moment. But when you find yourself pregnant you face the reality of your actions. You see your morals, values, and all your actions. Life flashes in your face and everyone involved no longer has that "thinking of you" mentality of protecting what felt so good. Now the mentality becomes selfish and everyone wants to protect themselves and now he wants to protect his wife from knowing the truth of his actions. At what point does this "other women" stop and examine her morals or does she keep living wrong. Yes many people get hurt, but where do the secrets and lies stop. At what point does she stop and say enough, we have already been so selfish. Ideally the affair should never have happened, if he was unhappy he should have turned to his wife and communicated, rather than to give that time to someone else. Turning to someone else never solves the problem. Ideally it may seem like the best way is to continue to cover up a secret, abort and end the affair, but does that fix him and his adultress ways? Does that fix the problem that is still hidden and you the wife never knew about? There is not a good solution. For the woman that is truly sorry for her part in the affair the decision to keep or not keep this child is troubling even after she has the baby. She understands the pain her actions have caused and she understands her baby will learn the truth one day. For the woman who keeps her baby for all the wrong reasons maybe hoping the father will come back... she will learn more often than not his intentions were never to leave his wife and the baby does not make the man yours. In many situations these women face the reality that they participated in something that was not in good judgement and they realize that they have now hurt innocent people, but they now face a new moral issue to abort or not abort. And they have to examine the reasons for the choice they make. And they have to weigh out which choice can they can live with at this point, they already have made so many poor choices. If they have any belief in God, if they do one more wrong thing for selfish reasons will God forgive them, look at what they have already done. I am saying all this to let you know that some of these women are good individuals but they face many questions when trying to decide what to do after the fact. It is so unfair that you the wife are placed in a situation unknowly and your lives have been interrupted by two peole who simply did not stop and think. It so easy to place blame. Truly the man and the woman have to take responsibility for their part and you the wife fair or not fair have a major decision to make. I apologize for the part of the "other woman" and I am so sorry for your pain. You have a tough road and now you have been faced with major life changing decisions as a result of two people being caught up in a selfish moment. I hope that within your days ahead you examine your marriage and yourself, you deserve hapiness and peace in your decisions. Again, I am sorry for your mind and heart being placed in this position.

he needs to grow up, plain and simple. he made his bed now he has to lye in it. I dont believe in suicide(because i was suicidal when i was younger) he isbeing selfish and deserves everthing he gets. his wife and family are the only victims in this situation.

Why is it that even though you all say your sorry for what has happened you still dont take responsibility for YOUR actions. You say these babies are a blessing, but who are they a blessing for??? You thats who. You have only thought of yourselves from the begining of the affair and now you continue to do so. Why dont you try to think of all the people you have hurt and continue to hurt by making the choices you have made. You all say its the mans fault (of course it is) but you decided to sleep with this man and not worry about the consequenses (baby, std's etc) aswell. Never mind thinking about yourself, for the first time in your life why dont you think of others including the children born out of these situations. Many of these children will grow up without a father, and knowing they were concieved through an affair and not in a completely loving relationship. Stop being so selfish. The decisions you are making now will continue to hurt people for years to come. I was born out an affair so i know what im talking about.

to ?, are you saying that because we did not kill a life to save the mans marriage we are being selfish?? I am sorry you feel the way you do and the way you feel from being a product of an affair!! I do not choose to make my child feel as if they are bad because of the situation they were conceived from. The wife in my case wants the baby to go up for adoption so that it can be in a "two parent loving home". But that is not a realistic statement as her and her husband have a child in what was perceived as just that. There are no guarantees in life, and the only way to ensure a child feels love and security is to establish that yourself. My childhood was an absolute horrid one, I won't get into details as that in not necessary. But my point here is that as long a child is loved, feels love, and learns mistakes are okay and can be lessons in life they do not have to go through life feeling bad. I do not feel selfish for giving my baby a chance at life, nor do I feel selfish for the ability to teach all my children the value of life.

All you women who are having babies by these married men will suffer in life, and personally i hope you suffer because you had no business bringing a married man child into this world, no matter what the circ_mstances was you ladies(mistress) stop and think for a moment how would you truly feel if the situation was reversed.are you having these babies to hurt the man/wife,or do you think with a child he will leave his family? most of the time you will be forced to raised these kids by yourself so your hurting yourself and everybody else.i've seen first hand how my sis. goes thur pain everyday dealing with this, yes i know my bro.-n-law is truly truly sorry but this is devistating to both side of the family, right now i'm there for my sis. to help her you (mistress) really need to learn from your selfish mistakes.i truly hope my sis and her husband stay together.but if she can't handle what's coming ahead concerning an outside child me personally i'll leave his a__s.i'll never forgive the (mistress) for having my husband child.

Let me first say, in my situation I did not know I was pregnant until after he and his wife were no longer together. She knew nothing about me and I was not the reason for the sep., however I still participated in wrong doing. You are correct we will suffer and you are correct that a child should not be born into these situations. If we all stuck to the traditional values none of us would face many of the situations and sins we ask God so frequently to forgive. many of us have s_x before marriage, live with our partners before marriage, and so on... I have repeatly acknowleged my responsibility. I have no excuses. I was on the other side and I do understand the pain, although a child was not born of my husbands affair. I understand the lack of wanting to forgive the "other woman" and I understand the anger. All parties participated in deceitful activities and the wife became an unknowing participant. Forgiveness does not mean be friends with the other the woman, it means peace within yourself and God. Forgiveness does not mean you relinquish your own values and morals, it means you trust God to take care of things. God knows every individual, you can not keep secrets from him, he knows the heart and he is who everyone answers to. These children will have a father absent from the home in which they are raised, but not every father is absent from their lives. There are children who were born of marriage and they now have a father absent from the home for various reasons due to high divorce rates. Fatherless children is the 3rd largest problem in the US and these children were not all born of affairs. Like I said in previous post, when in the situation you have a choice to make to abort or not abort and the woman already knows her sinful act, is abortion a continued part of this already wrong act? That is the question I faced. I faced the question of how could I face God when i had already lied and sinned, but to kill his child? It was the toughest choice to make because so many lives were effected. I actually went to have an abortion twice mostly because I did not want to hurt my sons father and I wanted to protect him. I also wanted to protect my children. There were more reasons why not to have the baby, but killing a life was a heavy weight when so much wrong had already been done. The wives are truly the ones who carry the biggest burden and they did not ask for this situation. They were unknowly placed with a situation that will forever change their life. I realize the husband and the "other woman" also have life changing decisions, but they entered into this knowly or at some point they knew. All involved face challenges that will pave the future regardless of blame. For that i am sorry. I think there is is saying that truly applies in life "it is not what situations you face, but how you handle the situation".To wives I am truly sorry for the position you are placed in due to selfish acts.

To life goes on: you kind of truly sounds like your really sorry for what you have done, and all the lives you've hurted in this