Pregnant By A Married Man
632 Replies
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to me too, See in my eyes you are a real woman cuz you say I made a mistake I will deal with it. You not making him take responsibility not to say it right that he doesn't but I just think it is wrong to make someone be there cuz you won't them too. Cuz when I got preganant with my daughter me and the were just having casual s_x honestly but i fault like this is my problem either you can be there or not.... oh will me too. thanks for not telling :)
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You were woman/human enough to admit it, see the other persons perspective, and strong enough to perservere without bitterness. The world need more peopel like you. What I mean by that is everyone makes mistakes, the object is to learn and grow from them. Not repeat them, become bitter, or try to half a__sed defend them! Thanks for being a REAL WOMAN! I have nothing but respect for you.
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Why dont we all stop arguing amongst the wives and the other ladies. All i see is everyone blaming everyone. Wives, how can you blame the other women for wanting to tell you they are pregnant by your men? If you got pregnant by a man wouldnt you want him to have something to do with your baby no matter the circ_mstances? The other women on this site seem to be just as hurt as the wives. They are not these cold hearted b___hes everyone is making them out to be. They are hurt just like the wives and we all need to accept that we all got played in this somehow or another. It shouldnt be a constant argument between us because there are other people involved. I understand that the wives feel betrayed and the other women feel hurt but we cant just act like its not happening already and theres nothing to do to stop it. We all need to start acting like adults and get over it and not make this child feel unwelcome. That child was innocent comming into thie mess and they should be treated innocent. Just because you wives have not forgave your men or these other ladies that needs to be put aside and the new situation needs to be dealt with. One way or another, wives, you need to either forgive him or get rid of him because as long as you havent forgiven him its going to keep a tear in your heart and anger will always fill it. You will always feel unhappy and not be able to trust anyone let alone him. As for the other women, its completely up to you what you decide or decided to do with this child. You are probably hurt just as much as the wives and i feel your pain being the other woman in my situation but you need to give these wives time to think about what they want and let them get their feelings together and try not to rub it in too much.
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to all of you who responded on 9/6 these other women knew that these mens were married or had other girlfriend cut the bull, to the other woman everything would of still probably be going on if you wouldn't of got pregnant, and futher more the wives are the innocent ones here, things could be going fine at home the wife i'm quite sure if she willing knew he was cheating then she knew what kind of situation her marriage was in, but the other women are tryflin and i still say they shouldn't of brought a married man child in this world. poor child if it's a girl she don't turn out to be like her mama a whore, and if it's a boy that he don't turn out to be like his daddy a cheating dog, so why bring the child in the world,there's know excuse find your own man and leave the married ones alone,stop being so desprite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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to the other woman: why didn't you tell the wife you were sleeping with her husband before you got pregnant? but you can tell her your pregnant by her husband,you just wanted to be in his life for the next 18yrs. still dreaming and hoping he leaves his wife for you, now you look like a fool, once again poor innocent child. to all the married women stand by your husbands don't give these other women what they want, that's why they told you in the first place hoping you leave him so they can be there to pick up the pieces>>married woman also pray and ask god to help you and guide you during this difficult time he will deal with the husband especially because he made vows to love honor and charish, and the other woman will be delt with also so keep your heads up.
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mama bear, whether you have the baby or not, he will leave if that's what he wants to do. as far as him hurting himself, that's not your problem right now. Your focus should be on that bundle of joy that's forthcoming. He will make trust me . . . you take care of yourself.
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Because I take a turn at being a little anngry and frustrated does not mean I'm not truly sorry for what has happened. The affair was wrong and I live with guilt and remorse daily. Im sure some of you are saying "good and I deserve to" and maybe your right but I any of you have lived with any kind of guilt on a daily basis you know how it takes it's toll on your life. So, as the parent accepting the consequences for my actions I have chosen to pull my self out of that mental state. My baby girl deserves for her mother to be happy she is alive and well. She deserves to be cherished. If I sound a little crabby now in then in the process of working things out, so be it. Im not a bad person, I made a bad decision. My child does not deserve to pay for that.
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to New2Motherhood, Your approach sounds so much like mine today. I agree there are bad days and definitely times of frustration and anger. But the fact you are choosing to be mentally healthy for your baby is the best choice ever!! I know it is tough, I am only pregnant still, but I have 2 other children and all our children want and deserve is unconditional love and support. Their emotional needs are so important and even if we do struggle, as long as we stay focused and consciously try then that is such a gift to them!! Good for you !! Knowing what we must do, and then doing it is so important no matter what brought us here you should be so proud of yourself for persevering!!!
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In my situation I knew he was married,(GASP!) but we had been casual friends for years and he was moved out of their home and was filing for divorce. She knew about our relationship before anything physical happened. We told her once I had become physical. She tried to develop a friendship with me, I was very honest with her and I said I felt very sorry for what I had done but I had fallen in love with him. I told her we would avoid the physical relationship from continuing but that it was his choice what happened in their relatinship. I stuck to my word. We all had our ups and downs over the next month or so. Then I found out I was pregnant at a time neither of us were with him. I told him and we told her. There were many more ups and downs but where we stand today is he is back with her. She reuses to let him see the baby, even though I have again apologized, promised her it was over, ad tried to work out a time when they together can visit with us. I do not call him, I do not get child support, I did not put him on the birth certificate. He calls me and asks to see her. I let him a couple times because I thought it was the right thing to do. But the last time I let him see her he tried to kiss me. He stood over her crib with me laying his head on mine and said "what are we going to do" with this sad little boy voice. She blocked my number form being dialed from the cell phone and disconnected the home phone. The last time he called to see her I told him once She agrees to all visit together then he can, but im not going to continue to be the bad guy. I don't have vengence in my heart, Im not trying to get him back, and Im not hitting him up for money. I do want him to try and be a father but SHE HAS CHOSEN TO ACCEPT HIM BACK BUT NOT THE SITUATION HE LEFT BEHIND!! That is not fair to OUR daughter. So sorry I sound crabby but it all really stinks.
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To MeToo: Im glad your on this site and it is really nice to have someone in the same situation who is a reasonable person. I wrote the above post of ramblings before I read yours just so you know that wasn't in response to your reply. How far along are you? Do you know if you are having a boy or a girl?
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dear new2motherhood, funny you apologized for being crabby and tonite I am quite numb and bitter. So basically my point is I understand that depending on our life's daily situations I understand there can be a big variance in our approach from day to day. Why don't you get child support from the father? You do deserve as much and so does your child!! I do understand your frustration you described when the father of your child was reaching out to you and basically putting the moves on you. That can be one of the hardest things to resist, but you sound like me in the sense you want too resist as you know it only complicates the situation more to act on those feelings. I am currently 3 months pregnant, so I do not know the s_x of my chid yet. I saw my baby last friday for the first time, and it was very healthy. Seeing the baby was like finding out I was pregnant all over again. Basically I have been dealing so much with the new aspect of being pregnant that until seeing the baby , that is when reality really set in. The father of my baby was there, and he too realized at that moment there really is a child involved. It seems slowly he is coming to terms with what is going on, but for me each and every day I deal and I try. Thank you for your words. I wish you strength and look forward to your next reply!!
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I agree. You women are out here blaming each other for that marrige going bad but you are too busy being angry and hateful to realise that if it wouldnt have been her it probably would have been another woman.Why be with a man if every time you look at him it brings back the hate and the hurting feelings? Why be with him if you feel like you cant trust him? You cant blame these other women because they are not the ones who took vows with you weather she knew or not.The fact is that he knew what he was getting into. Im sure he knew the consequences of having s_x.I am the wife( well ex wife now). After counsoling and the baby and the feeling of betrayal i decided it wasent going to work. I thought i was going out of my mind thinking that he was still cheating but then telling myself that i was only thinking that because he did it once but he could change.I secretly filed for the divorce papers but i kept them in my purse until i decided to see for myself if he was still cheating. I rented a car and went to his job to follow him when he got off and sure enough he went to a house i didnt reconize. I finally got the courage to go back and knock on the door and when she answered and i saw him in his boxers on her couch i took out those papers and i handed them to her and told her to give them to my husband and i made sure he saw me then i made it clear that he was to send someone to pick up his stuff the next day and that he better not even get the idea of going back to the house that i forked over an arm and a leg for. I just turned and left without another word and went home to start packing his stuff. I have been friends with the other lady and her 6 month old daughter. Its sad how he was man enough to get her pregnant but not man enough to pick up a phone and ask her how his child is doing.
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You have some strong opinions there, that I niether agree with or disagree with. That great guy your married to now might turn out to be the married guy screwing some other woman. I guess I am trying to say is: "what goes around comes around."
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Im 19 and pregnant by a married man. I didnt come here to get all the negative feed back though. I understood he had a job so 2 or 3 times a week id see him then on the weekends he spent at my apartment. I was allowed to call anytime i wanted.Yesterday i planned a very romantic lunch at the park so i could tell him. I was so excited because we had already talked about getting married. I asked him to look in the basket and get me some napkins and he pulled out a bottle he looked me straight in the eyes and told me"you cant be pregnant because im married." Before he left, i told him he didnt have to tell his wife that i would raise the baby on my own because i didnt want to be in the middle of something like this.I feel so stupid. How could i have not known he was married?!? I doubt he will ever call again and ive decided to not call him. Should i just go on with life and do this by myself or should i ask for his support or what? I feel really bad for his wife. I feel like im breaking some kind of woman code by not telling her but i seen how these wives reacted to "i didnt know he was married" so im not trying to take that route.I just need a little guidance. What do i do? How do i tell my mother that im pregnant and hes married? I am planning to continue the pregnancy even in these circ_mstances. I can afford to do it by myself , its just how do i explain to my child that his or her father was married so i let him go on with life and not have them in it? I dont want anyone to hate me, i dont want to be responsible for them divorcing so i kinda feel its the right thing to not involve him or her for that matter.So many emotions are taking over my happiness.
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Dear Rebecca, Whether or not your knew he was married the fact is he has now told you as much. You are so young, and what a jerk he is for walking out like he did. He had to have had some kind of an idea this may happen, otherwise he would not have taken the chance with you. I personally (every woman will have her own opinion) do not think it is your place at this time to approach his wife. Again I don't know your situation, and hopefully your mother will be a good support for you. But you personally telling on him can only hurt you so much right now. I chose to have my baby even though I was asked to terminate, I am 3 months pregnant and I have such a long long road ahead of me. But at this point I would like to advise you to do what is best for yourself!! Sounds mean I know, but the more I have tried to reason , rationalize, and a__sociate with the father of my baby things only become more complicated. IN the beginning emotions, feelings , etc are so raw it definitely does take time to come to terms with things.
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Me too, Thanks for your advise. I talked to a friend of his yesterday and he told me where he lived. I decided that it wouldnt hurt to just drive by to see his real life. There was this lady outside showing a little girl how to take care of a garden. I slowed down but i didnt stop. I a__sume that lady is his wife. How could he do something so mean to such a beautiful woman. I dont ever plan on telling his wife. Its completely up to him if he wants to tell her. I didnt marry her so im going to stay out of it. He called last night really late but i didnt pick up. I dont know what to say to him. Im scared he will tell me i have to get an abortion and that will hurt me more then anything. Why should i kill an innocent life just because he feels it was a mistake? I am starting to feel angry towards myself because i feel like i should have known something was wrong. I saw my doctor this morning and he told me to just try to keep calm because stress can cause a miscarrige in the first trimester. I wish i could do something to make everything better but i cant. I keep thinking what have i dont to deserve this? Who will want me now that im pregnant?Its weird how my life went from wonderful to so horrible in just 2 days.
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