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Me too, Thanks for your advise. I talked to a friend of his yesterday and he told me where he lived. I decided that it wouldnt hurt to just drive by to see his real life. There was this lady outside showing a little girl how to take care of a garden. I slowed down but i didnt stop. I a__sume that lady is his wife. How could he do something so mean to such a beautiful woman. I dont ever plan on telling his wife. Its completely up to him if he wants to tell her. I didnt marry her so im going to stay out of it. He called last night really late but i didnt pick up. I dont know what to say to him. Im scared he will tell me i have to get an abortion and that will hurt me more then anything. Why should i kill an innocent life just because he feels it was a mistake? I am starting to feel angry towards myself because i feel like i should have known something was wrong. I saw my doctor this morning and he told me to just try to keep calm because stress can cause a miscarrige in the first trimester. I wish i could do something to make everything better but i cant. I keep thinking what have i dont to deserve this? Who will want me now that im pregnant?Its weird how my life went from wonderful to so horrible in just 2 days.

Rebecca, Even if he asks you to have an abortion you don't have too. I was asked too, and his wife basically expected me too. She even wanted him to insist i put my child up for adoption but I won't. She has since come to the realization this is real and not up to her to control. There will be so much confusion, and drama but please continue to seek support!! Yes we are in icky situations, but what happens from here is up to us entirely. Your Dr. is right, I battle stress every day and have to actually make a conscious choice to try to relax myself and not dwell on things. It is not easy, but the most important thing in my life that helps me personally is only surrounding myself with others who care about me and understand I am doing what I believe in for the right reasons. Your description/explanation of why you won't abort is mine exactly. I am more than willing to continue discussing this with you. ON this particular site I have been reading and posting for about 2 months. I have found support thru talking openly with wives, and other women like myself. How many weeks are you?? As much pain as we feel in regards to the men, we must put our babies first. You should not be punished for allowing a life a chance, because we have a choice so many want us to feel responsible for allowing our babies life. Take care sweetie, talk soon......Me too

that was so mean of you " to just say you hope they feel all the pain...those babies don't deserve the stress. e

Me Too, Ive decided to start counsoling today and I think its going to help. My counsoler has asked me to keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings. She says it will help me learn to cope with these sudden merge of emotions. Im 9 weeks pregnant. I got up feeling pretty sick this morning. I kinda hoped the morning sickness would pa__s me up lol but I couldnt get that lucky.Im thinking of maybe going back to school to get a better education for my childs future. I think it will help keep my mind off things and besides theres nothing wrong with going to school. My mom took a few days off to spend with me and help me around the house. I just kinda wish she would have come over a little later then 7:30 am lol. She was saying something about half the day being gone already as she turned the light on and ripped away my cover. She took it a little better then i thought she would. I told her this morning as i was dashing for the restroom because of the smell of eggs. She was quiet for a few minutes then asked who the father was. I had no choice but to tell her. She seemed kind of disapointed but instead of lecturing me as usual she just hugged me and told me about how she was going to spoil him or her. She says the only way i can have this baby is if i have it call her nana or auntie but never grandma because shes not old enough for that lol. It was nice of her to come over and cook and help me clean.Well i have to go,I am going to go read up on the progress of my baby.

Rebecca - "Me too" told me to read this so I took the time to read back through the postings. Rebecca both wives and the other women will have opinions on this site. As you go through this pregnancy you will face so many challenges both placed on you by yourself and others. The hardest thing will be if you have a good heart and your intentions in life were never to hurt anyone, you will beat yourself up. The first thing you have to start doing is forgive yourself and stop feeling yourself with that feel sorry for myself att_tude. You can feel sorry for yourself all day everyday, but truly all it does is make your days seem longer and nights restless. Controlling your thoughts will not be easy, but it is imperative if you want to to have your own sanity. You have to learn to live better in mind and spirit. You have a responsibility to yourself and the baby. One thing I have learned is that you have to allow God to seek justice, it is not your place to make others pay or to seek justice. You will reap greater rewards if you pray and pray for God to reveal the truth. Different things work with different people to help get them through difficult times in their life, but I encourage you to always end every thought with a positive outlook. Never end a thought in a negative. Remember it is not the situation that destroys people, it is how the situation is dealt with. I am not saying this will be easy and I do not have all the answers. My son is 8 months. There are still hard days, days I want to explode with hurt and anger. But in the end that will not make me a better person nor will it give my son a better father. My son comes first before any gratification of revealing the truth to others, I have to place that trust in God and allow God to show me his plan. Is it easy, no way, but it is essential for my own well being. And more importantly for my son. "Me too" is a great support person use her to lean on for guidence she is still early in the stages and has that fresh sense of where you are. Good luck and stay strong!

Sorry... Looking for support 2. Still single…. Going on second child, 19 years apart and same father. We split up about seven years ago and moved on with our own lives, but would see each other off and on. However, in the past year we started to really see each other a lot more go on trips and just have fun…. Mind you I am the other women, to the women who use to be the other women to me. I have had two prior abortions by him and regretted both of them, I did it because he begged and pleaded me to, and I believe I just wasn’t strong enough to stand up for myself. Well yep you guessed it, he is begging and pleading with me again and now is accusing me of trying to ruin his life and trying to destroy everything that he has now. All because I refuse to abort this one. He has accused me of completely manipulating the whole relationship and now that I am pregnant I have him by the b___s… Thing is I told him he could walk away from me and never look back. I told him I am willing to sacrifice loosing him completely to have this child. Every day that he calls me it is always about will I abort and what he will loose and how he can’t tell the women at home and that it is just wrong for me to go through with this “just wrong”. “I must be living in some fantasy land because any other women who loved their man would abort”. And then says if I do abort this child he would leave her for me… “go figure”… Well, I am 38 years old, don’t know if I will be given the chance to have another, and am strong enough to MAKE MY CHOICE. However, I am on this site because I may be strong enough to make my choice, I still need some outside support. Thanks for those who will read.

Dear trying 2 b strong....This is a good place for you to get support. The posts from "life goes on" are so inspirational to me. I am not very far along in my pregnancy, and still struggle so much at times. The affair for me is over, the end is so tough and emotionally draining. But my choice to have this baby was not because of him, but because of my beliefs(that work for my life specifically, each situation is different I so understand that much ) that a child created is innocent. Not talking to the father can prove to be one of the toughest things ever, but since he is focusing on abortion and making you promises he has made no effort to act on before can you find strength to not take his calls for a while? This can be tough I do know as much from experience. When I take calls from the father of my baby it sets me back so much. He has actually recently confessed to me that he thinks a part of him wanted to get me pregnant, that hurts me so much. I thought I was being cautious and he somehow was wanting what I thought I was preventing. I will gett serious backlash from that confession, but my reason for sharing was to let you know you truly are not alone with your struggle. I have my ups and downs, and recently after allowing myself to hear from the father again find he is bringing me down. Our affair is still over, but the pain goes on. Keep posting and voicing your needs, I am here and you will find others here too. Keep seeking inner strength!!

Thanks me too… Well, I thought we were playing it safe as well. And I do try to avoid his calls, I have caller Id, which he knows of and will call from a different number. And for those calls that I scan, he will leave messages as to we need to work this out, we need to talk, how we can if you don’t answer the phone….. But you are right, they do put us back just when we think we can handle it … I am 15 weeks, and want so bad to be proud of being pregnant, but it is truly hard.

trying 2b strong, yes coming to terms with this pregnancy can be tough when we are still dealing with the pain of our relationship issues. Have you told your other children yet? Didn't you say he is the father of your other children? No matter what I thought before, now that I am in this situation I realize the hurt from my own selfishness and actions is beyond what I could have ever imagined. Like you I want to find some positive and joy in this pregnancy, and each and every day I am trying to find hope for that. Are you wanting the relationship with the father of your baby to continue? Talk soon....

No... I am not waiting on him. I believe it is over between the two of us, since we have not seen each other in three weeks. Right now I am just taking it day by day and just trying to find some happiness and joy with the choice I made. Yes, our daughter is aware of the situation. And boy do I wish I had the back bone she does, she has told her father off a few times, and basically told him to quit pitting himself and get over it, I am about to have a brother or sister. He thinks that I put her up to it, sometime I think he forgets, our daughter is not a follower she is a true leader. She also is helping me through this, however I don't want her to feel overwhelmed. So there are things that I just cant discuss with her. I really do want to thank you for responding back. I have just felt so alone. I am going to counseling and was referred to site. The father had me so convience that I was the only one out there in this situation. And yet when I have read all the comments, they are all the same.... you are ruining my life, my life is over, what are you thinking having this... etc... and the age of the men are wide range. Is there some cla__s they all went to that we were not aware of, "should they get a women pregnant"... I thank god that I have found you today.... Please keep in touch.

dear trying 2b strong, You know one thing about kids and that is that if they see their parents hurt they will do anything to protect them!! I speak from experience as a lot of my childhood was spent taking care of my own mother. Good for you though for not expecting your daughter to carry you through this!! I believe that children will form their own opinions in life and we cannot or should not sway them. Sounds like you know that already though..lol! It does seem most of the men have told us all the same things at some time or another, and yup like you I thought I was a rare case too. The father in my case is coming around, but I have stopped fighting. He knows I am pregnant, he says he has accepted it, has apologized for asking me too terminate as he knew it was wrong and so on. To me this is one of the hardest lessons in life, but having my own pity party does not help. It does not mean I won't have rough days, but at least there are those of us here who can relate. I am home sick today as well as had a pipe burst in my bathroom last nite flooding a good part of my house....grrr!! Just last week I had a plumber out as I live in duplex and both of us had clogged pipes/toilets. When it rains it pours.....Hope you are feeling better today, you are not alone!!

Oh… Me too, sorry to hear about your pipes and that your not feeling well. Be considered on of the lucky one, some men will continue to blame the women and never take responsibility. So do you think you will get back with him? I think what hurt me the most was how he never took my feelings into consideration, and still hasn’t. This has all been about him, and how it would just destroy him. Nothing about what I have been through before with him or what I am feeling now. Just this morning I received and e-mail from him about the abortion pill…. It’s like what part is he not understanding, I just can’t do it. I wish I could have made him happy, but I know for me I am doing the right thing. And yes, with my decision I know I am in for some rough rides, but that is the choice I have made. The real kicker is was I told him of the pregnancy, and of course he was completely against it, he was telling me that he was going to leave the other women and make it work with me, but now that there is baby involved he doesn’t want others to think that is the reason we got back. So… yep he pulled away… I am just lost in confusion. And you are right we are not alone, at least not anymore! ;-)

dear trying 2bstrong, No I don't see me and the father getting back together. Long story short he is married, I am separated, he was my boss, our affair is over, and I am trying to just take things one day at a time. I truly don't know what the future holds, I just know I am about to be the mother of my 3rd child and I have to keep moving forward for all of my children. I too offered the father the chance to walk away, and as he fell apart and yup became all about him I know he considered it strongly. He is not a bad guy, we both just got selfish and hurt too many in the process. I really thought this would never happen, naive I know but I thought I was doing the right thing when I went on the pill. He now thinks he wanted this, and he has told me he wonders what it would be like if we were together for real. That would be so foolish on my part to even consider. He needs to work on his marriage and himself and I need to work on my own life. Of course not having a job has been difficult, but he is coming around there too and helping me out. Even though I am separated from my husband, he too is a great guy and as tough as this is he is trying to be so supportive. My daughters are so blessed to have him for a father, I always knew that though. What state are you in? Do you want to use emails instead of here? I don't mind either honest!! Take care, looking forward to hearing from you....

Me too…. WOW, you’ve got it all around rough. Naïve, that defines me… We want so badly to believe what they offer and the way they offer, but when situations occur that interferes with their play, the truth comes out. I’m not looking for him to come back; I only wish he could empathies with me. The reason I had to stop talking to him was that a lot of hateful things were coming out and I saw a side of him and myself that I did not like. But, all he thinks is I am just avoiding him because I won’t admit the truth… that this is just wrong. You know I have admitted to myself that the situation that got us into this was wrong, but I can’t change time. I live in California and were do you live. As always, looking forward to hearing from you too….

trying 2b strong, i too am in ca. i am afraid to ask you where though, everyone else i meet is so far away :-(.

trying 2b strong, you know i too saw a complete new side of the father when this came about. i thought i knew him so well, slowly he is coming back to that person but it is amazing how fear can take over us and make us so selfish. I am sure we have much more in common and much more to share...lol. I am not proud of my situation, and I know we are both going to get quite a bit of negative feedback from being so candid on here. But believe it or not it all helps me eventually. Some comments have really hurt deep, but for the rest of my life this is a chance I take basically.