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trying 2b strong, you know i too saw a complete new side of the father when this came about. i thought i knew him so well, slowly he is coming back to that person but it is amazing how fear can take over us and make us so selfish. I am sure we have much more in common and much more to share...lol. I am not proud of my situation, and I know we are both going to get quite a bit of negative feedback from being so candid on here. But believe it or not it all helps me eventually. Some comments have really hurt deep, but for the rest of my life this is a chance I take basically.

In San Diego.... and you

OMG, me too!!! here email me at mj4sx@yahoo.com and we can exchange phone numbers!!

Me too… You know I can’t care what others think, until they have walk in my pants/shoes…. And I don’t think that will ever happen. I don’t think any comment on this site will ever hurt as bad as the selfish and angry comments that we haven’t already heard from the father’s side. However, I have put myself on this site to get the good and the bad no matter how harsh they think they can be. This is part of my therapy that I just have to do. But thanks for the warning! We probably do have a lot in common and yes we will have more to share. So I will be here as I hope you will as well.

trying 2b strong, yes this site is too part therapy for me as well. I have even spoke with a few wives in my own quest for coming to terms with my choices I made in continuing an affair with a married man. I know the wife, and have remorse and shame but as she wanted my baby to die and actually was hoping i would miscarry and then wanted her husband to make me put it up for adoption I have not been able to approach her. I hope to someday as this child is going to force us all to have to be civil forever.

Just writing to vent a little. Two weeks ago the father told me that his wife and him wanted to work out some visitation times. I asked what kind of visitation they had in mind. He said he didn't know. This was the first time I had talked to him in a month and only the fourth time he had seen our daughter since she was born. Only once was she there and that is the only time she thinks he has seen the baby. All that happened during that visit was her yelling and crying while I, seriously tried to talk to her. So...I told him "okay well we will see what comes of that..." he asked what that was supposed to mean and I told him I would be willing to discuss things but there was no way that the visitation was going to be a weekend visit or anything , which I knew is what they had in mind. He got MAD and demanded why. I tried telling him first of all I am still nursing so it just won't work. Second, all of us have never even managed to have a civil conversation together so it didn't seem right to just hand my baby over to them. The conversation kept going back and forth. I told him it wasn't like it was just borrowing the car...this is my baby. He declared that it was just "her spending the weekend with her father." HA! You have to be kidding me. FATHER!? What a joke! He is basically a stranger to her. It just makes me so angry. I am not being unreasonable. I am willing to meet together and figure something out but we need to take step one before we jump to step ten in this "relationship." I don't trust in the first place because she has made comments to me in the past about me having everything she wants (when him and I were still together) and then she kept saying they wanted to adopt the baby (which was never an option prestented to her.) Now I heard through mutual friends that they are going to Colorado to look for jobs next week and then are moving there! It is just so emotional. Part of me says good go! Then at the same time I think How dare you! Aaaaahhhhh! What a mess of a situation. Thanks for listening.

New mother2b: Wanting to vent… We all know if your gut tells you something you have to go with it. Sounds like they have a motive, and not a very good one. I would immediately file for soul custody, he will probably fight you on this but it will give you time if he is looking to move. And remember if he is trying to move he will not be able to have weekend visits… So this could play in your favor. Always look to the bright side. Also, on your behalf, play everything by the books, sounds like the other women will try to have you look like a bad mother, (you just might be getting set up)… Remember we are all here for you. Keep venting like the rest of us. We need to.

dear new2motherhood, you are so right to not allow baby to go with them for the weekend or away from you!! I have had this same discussion with the father, when i deliver this baby I will be it's constant. He must come around frequently and establish a bond before I just send my baby away from the only love and food supply ;) it knows. I have suggested meeting at a park with my other children present etc, but like you there is no way a man that is a stranger to my child will take it for any period of time. Stay strong, if they are moving maybe this will be easier even though the pain and burden will be yours. It sounds as if she has not forgiven and is still fighting a power struggle. I am kind of dealing with this on my side, and what must be accepted is that we are the mothers we love our babies and we must feel safe and confident in regards to our precious babies. Good luck!!

Thanks ladies for your advice and encouraging words. Maybe in my best interest it would not let me respond last week after I left my post. I dedided it was to keep me from dwelling on the whole thing. Anyway, thanks again and I hope all is well with you and your growing bellies. Take Care...

Hi Mama Bear. I've been dating a married man for over a year now and right now I am 2 months pregnant. He has been separated from his wife for about 6 years but now that I am pregnant, he is scared of what consequence he will get from his wife or if his daughter would ever forgive him for having a baby with another woman. He asked me to have an abortion but I chose not to and told him I will go through this with or without him. He hasn't told his family yet but right now he has been so cold to me. He doesn't talk much to me and it really hurts me as if he was making me feel guilty. He said ultimately, It's my decision to keep the baby or not but I feel that I am losing him on the otherhand. I am so confused. I don't want to have an abortion. I already committed a sin for seeing a married guy and having to kill our unborn child, I don't think my heart could take that.

Dear Confused, I hope you will read some of the recent posts and see that you are not alone with your struggle. If you feel in your heart that you can carry this child, then terminating it just for the father is not the right reason. Only you can decide what is best for your life, but there are several others who have posted on here (yes myself included) about being asked to abort and choosing not too knowing we may be entirely alone in our decision. Keep talking and sharing, there are others here to help you!!

This is what every woman who is pregnant by a married man should do. If he is making you feel like you are worthless now that he got you pregnant then take him for all his b___t is worth. He helped make that child and he should help pay for it. I feel sorry for the wives. They wouldnt be in this situation if guys had a conscience. No wonder so many people are turning lesbian these days!!!!!!

dear me too... thanks for the message. i know i'm not alone with my struggle. i've made my decision to keep the baby since the day i found out i was pregnant. never once it crossed my mind to have an abortion. so i know my decision is solid. yeah, the only problem was he was not too happy and started being cold towards me.... well, i just spoke to him yesterday and he broke down in tears... i was very surprised... i guess because he's been under so much pressure lately. he told me that he'd still be here for me. it's just that right now, he's so out of it due to the fact that sooner or later, he will have to tell his family, wife and daughter. im starting to beleive that we are going to make it through this difficult time. he has apologized for being cold-hearted to me the past couple of weeks or since he found out i was pregnant, im just hoping he's sincere. i deciced to give him his space and let him deal with his problems first because the more i see him stressed-out, the more stess-out i get and that's not good for the baby and myself.

Dear confused, You are wise to give the father his space. It is going to be quite difficult, I do speak from experience. My mistake was I still so emotional when I found out I was pregnant, and I still cared so much for the father that I now realize I clung to the hope of him treating me fairly way too much. The father and I ended our affair, but emotionally it was extremely difficult. What I finally had to do was put a stop to things myself, otherwise he was continuing to pull at my heart and toy with my emotions. My situation is different than yours as I do not choose to have a future with the father, so he has chose to try to repair his marriage. His wife has demanded he not talk to me, acknowledge me, and have nothing to do with me until the child is born. As much as that hurts me as he created this child with me, I have to do what is right for my baby and that is like you mentioned and try to focus on being healthy. I continue to hope he will in time realize that by allowing himself to be told how to deal with child and I, that his child will be the one suffering. I continue to hope his own heart will open up to his child and let it have a place. I do hope you have a good support system around you in this difficult time you are experiencing. That is so important, and I am here to listen any time you want!!

dear me too. thanks for the message! it's really nice to know that someone out there is willing to hearout my sighs during this difficult time of my life. i do have my family who supports me very very much. my mom and dad are very proud to be first-time grandparents. mys sisters and close friends know about my pregnancy and they are very supportive as well. it's just sad that the only person you want to be there for you is the person that is trying to avoid you or hurt you, the man that is involved in the creation of my unborn child. however, i still feel very lucky to have my family's support. the only thing is that they do not know what im going through. i don't want them to know because i dont want them to worry about me or my baby, or worse, i don't want them to hate my baby's father. because im still praying and hoping that we'll work things out between me and my man. so ultimately, me and you guys are the only ones that know about my dillema. that is why i really appreciate everyone's messages and supportive comments. i only pray to God to have a healthy baby... one time, i asked my man, if he would love our child as much as he loves his daughter and he said, "without a doubt, i will love this baby as much as i love my daughter"... so im sure, it's not a question of whether he will be here for the baby or not. right now, it's just that he is stressing out over his wife.. (well soon to be ex-wife) as like i've mentioned, we were both talking on working on his divorce papers before i even found out i was pregnant. i think what scares him is if his daughter will ever forgive him for having a baby with another woman. i think, he needs to be a man, and a father to his daughter and explain that having another baby doesnt mean she's being replaced. him and his exwife needs to talk to their daughter and explain the situation. i think it's just fair that way. actually, i was hoping to meet his daughter first before telling her im pregnant rather than meeting her when i am really far along my pregnancy, i think that will even upset the daughter... what do you think? should i ask my man to introduce me to his daughter or should i wait til my baby's born?

to confused.......I am sorry but you really are confused, that's not your man until he leave his wife. How long has he been saying he was going to leave her? Yes, I am a wifey who's got a girl preganant now. Soon as my bills are paid I am gone so if she is anything like me you don't have to wait on him leaving her. I want to know what make you think he isn't going to do the samething too you that he has done to his family and daughter that he loves so much love don't make you hurt you own child. That's LUST. Grow-up and get ready to raise that child by yourself cuz wants a cheat always a Cheat. But you probably don't care cuz you were sharing him to begin. For your baby don't stress. To blessed to be stressed. Just get it together